[The momentary relief of that mouth's absence allows his thoughts to flow, less fogged, right hand smoothing Cy's hair off a wet brow with aching affection.]

I don't know. Usually, I surrender more quickly as the scene progresses... because it feels so good. [Perhaps in those moments he is too honest to help himself.] But this time, I could try to hold out longer. So that being broken and forced to submit is what changes me.

[Rather than a submission he's longed for, one brought out by a harsh hand — which is closer to the truth of what Cy summons awake and alive in him.]

You've probably noticed, but I don't have a lot of practice at it. Playing a role. I've only ever known how to be myself. [His own circumstances made it impossible to be anything else.] But I like the idea, pretending. And improving at it.