（ he breathes. it's clear by the cadence that the form of it he'd taught to sasuke wasn't just something he'd pulled out of a textbook once — it's a real practice that he sinks into. he's old hat at pulling himself back from the edge of panic. doesn't mean it's not hard, but it's — simpler, maybe, for someone who's done it a thousand times. bit by bit he walks the tension back, though his grip on sasuke does not slacken even as the bound, rucked up awfulness of his shoulders does.
one final exhalation, and then: ）
You didn't do anything wrong here. And you didn't hurt me. You just caught me off guard in a way that doesn't play nice with something I haven't told you about yet, and that's not your fault. I need you to say those words, please. That it wasn't your fault.
（ his voice is a bruise. ）
Edited (will i ever catch when i use the same word twice in a row, remains to be seen) 2024-01-22 19:45 (UTC)
[It's difficult to hear Cy sound like this. A far and removed step away from the formidable presentation of someone so controlled, put-together, so learned on the pain of life and living with no other option—but he also understands the effort it seems to have taken Cy to get to that point, based on all he's heard. That he uses the same breathing method he taught Sasuke, that his voice is wounded despite its care.
The aching in his chest feels sore. He doesn't begrudge whatever secrets Cy is still keeping, when he has so many of his own yet unspoken.]
It wasn't my fault. [Surrendered with no effort, his hand roots around, seeking one of Cy's.] I know.
（ sasuke takes his hand, but cy is the one to wind their fingers together like a twist of old ivy. his fingers flex there. ）
What you said was one of the sweetest, kindest things anyone's ever told me. And I'd remember that. I will remember it, I'll hold onto that as long as I can. （ he can't make that same promise of forever, but it's what he has. ） And I appreciate the trust and the effort it took you to say it, and how contrary it runs to so many of the things you've learned in your life. I'm sorry it was met with a hurtful reaction, and I hope that won't stop you from speaking like that in the future.
（ he peels himself away from sasuke now, but it's only to press a kiss to his forehead. ）
Are you okay if I don't tell you right now? If you need to hear the full story I will, and it won't be a hardship. But if you're fine waiting, I think I just want to take a few days to think about it first. （ then, to further clarify: ） I'm not afraid of your reaction, or worried how you'll take what I have to say. It's — the messy part I mentioned earlier. That's what I know, I'm certain I've never told anyone before. I'm not really sure how.
[This he says with certainty. If it is so significant as to cause such a reaction in Cy, who has been nothing but steady and indomitable, he doesn't want to force it for his own sake.]
Later, we'll discuss it.
[There's no real hurry, in light of everything else. Even if there is that seed of fear in Sasuke—growing, steadily, alongside the tenuous feelings for this man—that he will wake up and Cy will be gone from his life.]
You deserve my patience. [After his own episodes of emotion, after the false starts, and still with his history bound up in a reluctant mind. In levity—] ... That toy, though. I'm not sure we'll ever use it at this point.
[Another chuff of that almost-laughter, very gently, tucks itself in against Cy's shoulder.]
Only if you want to. [The hand on his midriff, like all of the man's touches, is as soothing as balm—a cat coaxed back to relaxation after all the tension of the previous moment.] As long as you stay here with me tonight.
[This is stated firmly, mind made up. He wants what he refused last time.]
I'm feeling fine.
Edited (i forgot to answer the question :')) 2024-01-22 20:38 (UTC)
[Good call since we're over a hundred comments into this thread.]
Yes.
[He thinks so—though there is a prickling sensitivity of emotion still in him, like fine static, he imagines it will always be here. And right now, he'd rather stay together than go separate ways.]
... I wasn't serious about the blanket. You didn't need to.
Nah, I know. I wanted to. You deserve nice things, and I'm in a position to make that happen. You'd do the same for me — you cleaned my damn room, remember?
（ but he calls the bag up from beneath the bed, and gently extricates himself from sasuke so he can gesture him to open it.
actually. you know what? given the context they've gotten into over the last few hours, he shakes his head briefly to forestall him opening it just yet. ）
Though for the sake of little kittens, if orange is some kinda trigger for you tell me now so I can just swap that bad boy out. I will go blue.
[Echoed dumbly as Sasuke sits up on the bed, sweater pooling in his lap, eyes a little rounded. His expression... softens by degrees, grateful at least that Cy has warned him.]
It's not, but... [With a sigh, his hand slowly peels the bag open to extract the fluffy blanket, pulling it into his lap in a spill of plush fabric. His face changes—a tilt into melancholy.] It makes me think of him. Naruto.
It's a stupid color for a shinobi. Stealth was impossible, but he didn't care about that. He liked that it was bright. That he stood out.
[Shifting, Sasuke peels the sweater off of himself one-handed, draping it at the end of the bed. Then, naked once more, he wraps the blanket around his shoulders like a heavy cloak.]
I don't have much left of him, except for memories. [The hollow ache in wondering what happened to Naruto after the Netherworld continues to nag him—but that powerlessness can't be solved simply by wishing it away. He has to believe Naruto is all right.] Thank you.
Tell me about him one day, okay? I want to know everything about you, too.
（ the blanket is big — far bigger than the small bed, and there's plenty of room for two. sasuke strips naked again, and cy reaches for another corner of the blanket to drag around himself and sasuke closer at a consequence.
sleep may not come quick or easy, but when it does — he'll have slung an easy arm around the boy, keeping him tugged in against his chest. ）
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
one final exhalation, and then: ）
You didn't do anything wrong here. And you didn't hurt me. You just caught me off guard in a way that doesn't play nice with something I haven't told you about yet, and that's not your fault. I need you to say those words, please. That it wasn't your fault.
（ his voice is a bruise. ）
no subject
The aching in his chest feels sore. He doesn't begrudge whatever secrets Cy is still keeping, when he has so many of his own yet unspoken.]
It wasn't my fault. [Surrendered with no effort, his hand roots around, seeking one of Cy's.] I know.
no subject
（ sasuke takes his hand, but cy is the one to wind their fingers together like a twist of old ivy. his fingers flex there. ）
What you said was one of the sweetest, kindest things anyone's ever told me. And I'd remember that. I will remember it, I'll hold onto that as long as I can. （ he can't make that same promise of forever, but it's what he has. ） And I appreciate the trust and the effort it took you to say it, and how contrary it runs to so many of the things you've learned in your life. I'm sorry it was met with a hurtful reaction, and I hope that won't stop you from speaking like that in the future.
（ he peels himself away from sasuke now, but it's only to press a kiss to his forehead. ）
Are you okay if I don't tell you right now? If you need to hear the full story I will, and it won't be a hardship. But if you're fine waiting, I think I just want to take a few days to think about it first. （ then, to further clarify: ） I'm not afraid of your reaction, or worried how you'll take what I have to say. It's — the messy part I mentioned earlier. That's what I know, I'm certain I've never told anyone before. I'm not really sure how.
no subject
[This he says with certainty. If it is so significant as to cause such a reaction in Cy, who has been nothing but steady and indomitable, he doesn't want to force it for his own sake.]
Later, we'll discuss it.
[There's no real hurry, in light of everything else. Even if there is that seed of fear in Sasuke—growing, steadily, alongside the tenuous feelings for this man—that he will wake up and Cy will be gone from his life.]
You deserve my patience. [After his own episodes of emotion, after the false starts, and still with his history bound up in a reluctant mind. In levity—] ... That toy, though. I'm not sure we'll ever use it at this point.
[Hah.]
no subject
（ he doesn't quite sound like his usual irreverent self, but at least his tone mostly matches sasuke's. ）
The Dildo Of Emotional Turmoil, whenever we're due to bust it out it just his us with psychic damage that makes us suffer.
（ he exhales, then, and skirts a hand along sasuke's midriff beneath that blue sweater. ）
I'm still up for it, though. Little detour into Traumatown never stopped me before. How're you feeling?
no subject
Only if you want to. [The hand on his midriff, like all of the man's touches, is as soothing as balm—a cat coaxed back to relaxation after all the tension of the previous moment.] As long as you stay here with me tonight.
[This is stated firmly, mind made up. He wants what he refused last time.]
I'm feeling fine.
no subject
Honestly, then, let's call it here. Sleeping on it would probably do me some good anyway. Plus, that means I get to wrap you up in that new blanket.
（ a thoughtful pause. then: ）
You cool with cuddling?
no subject
Yes.
[He thinks so—though there is a prickling sensitivity of emotion still in him, like fine static, he imagines it will always be here. And right now, he'd rather stay together than go separate ways.]
... I wasn't serious about the blanket. You didn't need to.
no subject
（ but he calls the bag up from beneath the bed, and gently extricates himself from sasuke so he can gesture him to open it.
actually. you know what? given the context they've gotten into over the last few hours, he shakes his head briefly to forestall him opening it just yet. ）
Though for the sake of little kittens, if orange is some kinda trigger for you tell me now so I can just swap that bad boy out. I will go blue.
no subject
[Echoed dumbly as Sasuke sits up on the bed, sweater pooling in his lap, eyes a little rounded. His expression... softens by degrees, grateful at least that Cy has warned him.]
It's not, but... [With a sigh, his hand slowly peels the bag open to extract the fluffy blanket, pulling it into his lap in a spill of plush fabric. His face changes—a tilt into melancholy.] It makes me think of him. Naruto.
It's a stupid color for a shinobi. Stealth was impossible, but he didn't care about that. He liked that it was bright. That he stood out.
no subject
（ he'd wanted to stay away from red and black for obvious reasons. maybe he should have gone with pink. (laughs in ooc.) ）
If you don't want the reminder around I can return it, it's okay.
no subject
[Shifting, Sasuke peels the sweater off of himself one-handed, draping it at the end of the bed. Then, naked once more, he wraps the blanket around his shoulders like a heavy cloak.]
I don't have much left of him, except for memories. [The hollow ache in wondering what happened to Naruto after the Netherworld continues to nag him—but that powerlessness can't be solved simply by wishing it away. He has to believe Naruto is all right.] Thank you.
no subject
（ the blanket is big — far bigger than the small bed, and there's plenty of room for two. sasuke strips naked again, and cy reaches for another corner of the blanket to drag around himself and sasuke closer at a consequence.
sleep may not come quick or easy, but when it does — he'll have slung an easy arm around the boy, keeping him tugged in against his chest. ）