You still can. There isn't some magical aftercare timer in the sky that starts counting down the second you jizz on somebody.
（ he shifts his grip on sasuke and stands with him, lifting him up with no sign of strain so he can return them to the bed. he puts sasuke closer to the wall, and just curls around him in a protective parenthesis, tucked into his negative spaces as he drags the soft lilac blanket over them both as if it could blot out the broader world. ）
But it's okay if you want to just stay like this for a while, too. You had a busy day. I came all over you, spanked you, we got kinda into rape play, we had a nice chat about breeding kink, and then I made you do all this emotional labour thinking about grief and loss and panic. That's some exhausting shit, and even if it hasn't hit you just yet, all of those things take a toll on you. No wonder you're worn thin emotionally. It's okay to rest. You feel safe like this?
[The ridiculous words, at first, coax a dry snort of laughter — one small sign he's returning to normal. Carried to the bed, he doesn't hesitate to entangle their legs once Cy has cocooned them into the plush fabric of the blanket. He can feel where blood and spend and lubricant has dried on Cy's body, but instead of discomfort it only heightens how close he feels to the man, as if establishing some tangible evidence of their connection no matter how temporary.]
Yes. I've said it before, but — I feel safer here with you than I have since I was a child. [In that tired state, he tries to be clear about his feelings, even if it rips him down to the wick of vulnerability in the process. With Cy, he knows at least the sentiment will be protected.] Yet it's strange. I know that I've always been capable of feeling deeply, but it's almost... more intense now. I don't know if it's because I've stopped fighting against it, as if by trying to relax I've lost some control over those emotions. I don't usually have such strong reactions. Not in front of other people.
[Speaking of what he feels seems to give it power; he shivers, hiking a leg up over both of Cy's in their embrace.]
Perhaps it's also because I'm used to communicating through battle alone.
Sex and sparring have a lot in common. They're both dialects of the same language.
（ he laces their hands, and lifts both up demonstrably. then he disentangles them and makes a fist to bump gently against sasuke's knuckles. ）
In sparring, you can express anger, loss, confidence, warmth, playfulness, solemnity, exhaustion, affection. Same thing in sex. As for the feelings... ah. Knives, but I've got you. Mind your breathing.
（ he captures sasuke's hand anew, and then brings it close so he can bite thoughtfully at one of his knuckles like a dog worrying at a toy. ）
If you look at the bond between two people as... give and take, ebb and flow... then emotions are something you pour into other people. It can be used to nourish them. It can be used to deepen a bond. It can be used to excise something from yourself. But what's important is the balance. I told you that sex isn't transactional because it isn't. Emotional resonance isn't transactional either — people need different things from others, and give different things from themselves. But if you can't stand somewhere close to equal with what's given, what's taken, it causes problems down the line. You give me a piece of cake and I give you a bag of chips — they're different things, but they are meeting a need we both have in giving and accepting and eating, you know? And they both express that we've been present, that we've paid attention, been mindful of each other. You took the bacon off that sandwich. I remembered you liked tomatoes.
（ a lot of people understand what dominance and submission are. they think that it creates an innate power imbalance that is held to viciously, ruthlessly. that one person is subjugated, and one the subjugator.
but the truth is, at its core, about exchange. about equality. and more than anything else, it's about trust. ）
You're not accustomed to connection. So your ability to regulate what you pour into others is lower than it would be with someone who's had more practice. But... if you want to talk in terms of metaphors, when you're with me, the vessel you're filling has higher capacity than most people. So you feel comfortable because I can take more, and I feel good because that expression of trust and intimacy, that demonstration of the ways you feel safe and how that safety expresses itself means a lot to me. It's normal to tip over into extreme emotion when you find someone that can take all of you unflinching. Especially since so much of your life has been lived lonely. But I told you I'd protect what you give me, and I meant it. The more you feel safe, the more the walls come down, and you've got a lot pent up. Here — （ his free hand squirms free from wherever it was pinned in the tangle of their bodies, and he taps against sasuke's chest, over the heart. ） and here. （ similarly, there's a soft little bonk against his forehead. ） So sometimes it's a flood. And that's okay. Notice how every time you feel these emotions, or you have these reactions, it gets easier? Less intense to stand? And how you're able to regulate a little more efficiently each time, right? That's because you're doing the work. It's not me, sweetheart. It's you, learning and growing and changing, developing ways to accept and understand and move forward from yourself.
[He has learned so much from Cy so far, that this is — an extension of that. Another lesson. Yet the impact sinks through him, buoyant with significance, laid out between them in what he has come to recognize as a bond. Cy states it so plainly: You took the bacon off that sandwich. I remembered you liked tomatoes. And he sees it, because he has done it before, storied in little ways throughout childhood. When he fed Naruto on the training field. When he would share his belongings with Naruto on missions. And, in return, Naruto gave him companionship, friendship, tethering that first bond with a warmth he hadn't felt since his family was alive. They were able to give each other what they both needed most.
There's an instinct to feel bad, filling up Cy's capacity, but this time he tries to corral it with the knowledge that Cy would not do what he couldn't take, that he also has a need to be met. And perhaps that is the most important point. Could someone else handle him this well? Would they align along those same shattered grooves of need? Would he not make a mess of any other relationship? He's seen the evidence in the history of his own actions. Even Naruto, who understands his heart so well — they've hurt each other. They lash out, and fight, and the difference is they're able to mend the damage after. Naruto's propensity for healing and forgiveness undoes his own explosive tendencies.
With Cy, it's different. It is like a cool, deep pool that surrounds him in its embrace, that takes him under, that unknots the worst tangles before they become bunched, before they ache and blister. Knives. He breathes through the awareness that something in him has shifted; that tap at his chest, then his forehead, coax him forward to bury his face into Cy's throat. Sentiment is vivid but goes unvoiced. It doesn't stop it from beating like a second pulse through his blood.]
You're important to me. [I love you.] If I'm changing, then it's because of you. [I love you.] I think that I was meant to meet you. [I love you so much.]
[He shudders, exhaling slowly, voice reduced to a tired murmur.]
Thank you for being willing to listen, and learn. And stand all my old-man-yelling-at-cloud tendencies.
（ at that closer nestle of attention, cy cradles a hand at his nape, pressing soft kisses against his hair. ）
We should probably get some sleep. Want another spanking when we wake up? You'll be sore tomorrow, so maybe we can set a lower limit, but nice way to kick the day off. You cheated with the French, after all.
（ a thoughtful hum. then: ）
Then maybe we can go spar. You haven't seen me in action yet, it's gonna make you super horny.
I didn't cheat with French. When I told you that I wanted to learn to speak it, I didn't expect our lessons to begin during sex.
[A huff, halfway to laughter.]
But I'd like that. Everything you've suggested. [Spending time with Cy, first and foremost.] I'm not used to... looking forward to something. To tomorrow.
[Drowsy and not minding the messy press of their skin for once, he settles in.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: rape-play mention
（ he shifts his grip on sasuke and stands with him, lifting him up with no sign of strain so he can return them to the bed. he puts sasuke closer to the wall, and just curls around him in a protective parenthesis, tucked into his negative spaces as he drags the soft lilac blanket over them both as if it could blot out the broader world. ）
But it's okay if you want to just stay like this for a while, too. You had a busy day. I came all over you, spanked you, we got kinda into rape play, we had a nice chat about breeding kink, and then I made you do all this emotional labour thinking about grief and loss and panic. That's some exhausting shit, and even if it hasn't hit you just yet, all of those things take a toll on you. No wonder you're worn thin emotionally. It's okay to rest. You feel safe like this?
no subject
Yes. I've said it before, but — I feel safer here with you than I have since I was a child. [In that tired state, he tries to be clear about his feelings, even if it rips him down to the wick of vulnerability in the process. With Cy, he knows at least the sentiment will be protected.] Yet it's strange. I know that I've always been capable of feeling deeply, but it's almost... more intense now. I don't know if it's because I've stopped fighting against it, as if by trying to relax I've lost some control over those emotions. I don't usually have such strong reactions. Not in front of other people.
[Speaking of what he feels seems to give it power; he shivers, hiking a leg up over both of Cy's in their embrace.]
Perhaps it's also because I'm used to communicating through battle alone.
no subject
（ he laces their hands, and lifts both up demonstrably. then he disentangles them and makes a fist to bump gently against sasuke's knuckles. ）
In sparring, you can express anger, loss, confidence, warmth, playfulness, solemnity, exhaustion, affection. Same thing in sex. As for the feelings... ah. Knives, but I've got you. Mind your breathing.
（ he captures sasuke's hand anew, and then brings it close so he can bite thoughtfully at one of his knuckles like a dog worrying at a toy. ）
If you look at the bond between two people as... give and take, ebb and flow... then emotions are something you pour into other people. It can be used to nourish them. It can be used to deepen a bond. It can be used to excise something from yourself. But what's important is the balance. I told you that sex isn't transactional because it isn't. Emotional resonance isn't transactional either — people need different things from others, and give different things from themselves. But if you can't stand somewhere close to equal with what's given, what's taken, it causes problems down the line. You give me a piece of cake and I give you a bag of chips — they're different things, but they are meeting a need we both have in giving and accepting and eating, you know? And they both express that we've been present, that we've paid attention, been mindful of each other. You took the bacon off that sandwich. I remembered you liked tomatoes.
（ a lot of people understand what dominance and submission are. they think that it creates an innate power imbalance that is held to viciously, ruthlessly. that one person is subjugated, and one the subjugator.
but the truth is, at its core, about exchange. about equality. and more than anything else, it's about trust. ）
You're not accustomed to connection. So your ability to regulate what you pour into others is lower than it would be with someone who's had more practice. But... if you want to talk in terms of metaphors, when you're with me, the vessel you're filling has higher capacity than most people. So you feel comfortable because I can take more, and I feel good because that expression of trust and intimacy, that demonstration of the ways you feel safe and how that safety expresses itself means a lot to me. It's normal to tip over into extreme emotion when you find someone that can take all of you unflinching. Especially since so much of your life has been lived lonely. But I told you I'd protect what you give me, and I meant it. The more you feel safe, the more the walls come down, and you've got a lot pent up. Here — （ his free hand squirms free from wherever it was pinned in the tangle of their bodies, and he taps against sasuke's chest, over the heart. ） and here. （ similarly, there's a soft little bonk against his forehead. ） So sometimes it's a flood. And that's okay. Notice how every time you feel these emotions, or you have these reactions, it gets easier? Less intense to stand? And how you're able to regulate a little more efficiently each time, right? That's because you're doing the work. It's not me, sweetheart. It's you, learning and growing and changing, developing ways to accept and understand and move forward from yourself.
no subject
There's an instinct to feel bad, filling up Cy's capacity, but this time he tries to corral it with the knowledge that Cy would not do what he couldn't take, that he also has a need to be met. And perhaps that is the most important point. Could someone else handle him this well? Would they align along those same shattered grooves of need? Would he not make a mess of any other relationship? He's seen the evidence in the history of his own actions. Even Naruto, who understands his heart so well — they've hurt each other. They lash out, and fight, and the difference is they're able to mend the damage after. Naruto's propensity for healing and forgiveness undoes his own explosive tendencies.
With Cy, it's different. It is like a cool, deep pool that surrounds him in its embrace, that takes him under, that unknots the worst tangles before they become bunched, before they ache and blister. Knives. He breathes through the awareness that something in him has shifted; that tap at his chest, then his forehead, coax him forward to bury his face into Cy's throat. Sentiment is vivid but goes unvoiced. It doesn't stop it from beating like a second pulse through his blood.]
You're important to me. [I love you.] If I'm changing, then it's because of you. [I love you.] I think that I was meant to meet you. [I love you so much.]
[He shudders, exhaling slowly, voice reduced to a tired murmur.]
Thank you for teaching me.
no subject
（ at that closer nestle of attention, cy cradles a hand at his nape, pressing soft kisses against his hair. ）
We should probably get some sleep. Want another spanking when we wake up? You'll be sore tomorrow, so maybe we can set a lower limit, but nice way to kick the day off. You cheated with the French, after all.
（ a thoughtful hum. then: ）
Then maybe we can go spar. You haven't seen me in action yet, it's gonna make you super horny.
no subject
[A huff, halfway to laughter.]
But I'd like that. Everything you've suggested. [Spending time with Cy, first and foremost.] I'm not used to... looking forward to something. To tomorrow.
[Drowsy and not minding the messy press of their skin for once, he settles in.]
Try to get some rest too, Cy.