['Survivor's guilt' is an apt term, then, because it is his agony over that survival that seems to chew him up, spit him out — and as the metaphor of knives is risen, familiar now, he braces himself. It's almost easier with the distraction of his own body, ministration of both knuckles pushed in and Cy's warm hand on his cock. They are physical hooks that keep him from sinking too deep and low in his mind, rewiring the part of himself that wants to hide away from the experience of emotion, from the wellspring it hollows within him.
Sharing air, he leans closer into the shelter of where they touch, little breathy sounds loose on his lips.]
Cy, [a name that is a mold for the affection that now pours out of him, every crack and seam their togetherness has created.] Knowing you makes me want to... be kind. [To myself.] Even if it's hard. I'll keep trying.
[He's begun to learn that difficulty between them does not mean the end; there's a foundation that will weather and support against failures and mistakes. So he shifts the leg hooked underneath one of Cy's, and lifts his hips, their hands driving another inexorable push against his ass to open it up.]
I know we just spoke about what we were going to do, but — now I want you inside of me.
Nothing we ever talk about's a hard blueprint, sweetheart. We can do that.
（ and it means something, that sasuke would choose something gentler than what they'd discussed earlier. it's not as if he has an aversion to treating him roughly — quite the opposite, in fact, especially now that they're exploring their limits in concert.
but he can't deny the way that those gentler moments feel a little bit like letting the light into a darkened room, either.
cy kisses him again, drawn out and tender, and then: ）
Tell me when you're ready. I wanna try a different position.
[The kiss leaves eyes half-open, lashes a low sweep, hair pushed back from his face to expose the soft, adoring expression that is turned onto Cy. He has passed the point of hiding himself from Cy — even when the difficult emotion they challenge together has him in its grip. I love you will never stop being true.
If living with this guilt and rage and loss all over again would deliver him to Cy, he'd do it. He'd suffer every hurt.
With a slight shift, he pulls his wrist back, sliding fingers out of his body and unashamedly lacing them together with Cy's own in a loose, slippery hold.]
It's called the lotus position. We've done variants before but not this specific one.
（ he leaves their fingers tightly wound together, but his free hand hooks on the d-ring of sasuke's collar and tugs him forward. cy arranges himself in the middle of the bed, thighs slightly splayed apart, and draws sasuke right atop them. ）
Some people say it's the most romantic way to have sex. Sit, wrap your legs around me, ankles crossed.
（ it's a foregone conclusion that he's already hard, lbr. so it's easy, to let briefly go of that collar to scrounge around for the bottle of lube and slick himself liberally — and then a touch to sasuke's thigh to get him to flex his thighs and lift upwards and then back, to settle against the head of cy's cock. he teases the boy's hole with a heavy drag of his dick and then pushes just the head inward, feeling the stretch and sudden give of the muscle there. being nested inside him like this has never felt anything less than perfect, but it's — sweeter, now. ）
Hold there for a sec, and then I want you to take me all the way in in one smooth shot. And then I wanna get real mushy about being inside you, just so you know what you signed up for getting away from the choking on my dick scenario.
（ and why he asked sasuke to wait like that, tantalized and wanting, becomes very clear after a moment — cy's hand slips back around between them and lifts. he hooks his index finger back in the collar's ring, and then tugs him in for a kiss. the message is clear: he's going to hold the collar all the way through. ）
[It's an easy act to slide into Cy's lap, only bare skin between them. He obeys by folding long legs around Cy's waist and locking them at the ankle, luxuriating in the lean, hard body beneath him, how it makes the flow of time stop to be in these arms, how quickly all of the difficult trials of his life fade to static in his ears. He's not remotely nervous — but there is a little hitch of air, a dimensional shift in the intimacy they share.
Magnified, of course, by how casually Cy tugs him by the collar around his throat. The kiss seals that intention between them, and Sasuke feels arousal run through him like water, taking him beneath its flow.]
I want to do that another time. [A breathless statement, given as he feels himself settle, the crown of Cy's dick dragging a wet smear of lubricant in the cleft of his sore ass. Then the tight squeeze as the head breaches his hole just barely. He circles his hips, enjoying the burn of first penetration without shifting any deeper.] I want to do so much with you. I didn't know that it could be possible — to want the future so badly. I want to do this a hundred times. A thousand. Forever.
[With Cy's hand on the collar, with that warm endearment stuffing his head like cotton, Sasuke does as he's told. A slow, deliberate push takes Cy's cock to the root, chasing shocks of pleasure up his spine — his head rolls on shoulders but cannot lean for being held in place by the ownership of that band around his throat. His mouth falls slack around a reverberation of sound, low and quiet but full, aching at the throb at having Cy's dick buried so deep inside of him.]
（ perhaps, if sasuke hadn't said that — the most this would have been is a slow, loving fuck while they made eye contact over cy's grasp on the collar. sweet words, soft nothings, lovebites and longing laid bare in the scorching heat of their touch.
but this boy, with all the trauma tangled up in him — who regards his own life as nothing else but a tool to further the future vision of one he loves back home — says that so casually, and cy just.
looks at him for a moment, warmth and fondness and love and surprise all emblazoned so plainly on his face — and then he drops his hand away from the collar and wraps sasuke up in his arms so tightly it will restrict his oxygen by accident rather than design. his knees bend, a slight shift of his legs positionally speaking, that puts sasuke into his cross-legged lap. and he just. holds him. breathing against the crook of his neck. there's a faint tremble to his shoulders that speaks of the depth of emotional resonance ringing through him now, and the kiss he presses against the join between the slope of sasuke's trapezius muscle and the plush edge of the collar is sweet rather than sensual.
i want the future so badly.
jesus fucking christ. ）
Okay. （ comes the quiet murmur, because it's really all he can bring himself to say. ） Okay.
[The crush of that embrace wrings out breath like water from a sodden sponge, but he doesn't care, he'll let Cy hold him in any way, to any line of discomfort — and it feels good to be wrapped within the tight, powerful security of these strong arms. Sasuke slips his own up and around broad shoulders, ensuring that he can cradle the back of Cy's head with one palm so knuckles card through dark hair gently.]
Will you remind me how to say it in French? [He can feel Cy's heart, this close, thudding at a slow and steady rhythm. It is like it sits within his own chest.] I love you.
[Never would he have thought the words could come to him like this for someone else, put into the air and made tangible without the burden of fear, but Cy convinces him that anything is possible.]
（ there's a soft murmur against his throat — je t'aime, murmured like a curl of smoke that subsumes the senses, and then cy kisses the point just below his ear, against his hair, his cheek — migrating back to sasuke's mouth. he licks into it, enjoying the way the boy yields to him — and draws away with a bite to his bottom lip. ）
Hey. I don't like to leave things unsaid. （ as if anyone would suspect him of such a fucking thing given the sheer volume of words that fall out of his mouth tbh.
though he hasn't quite returned to the original distance between them, he has hooked two fingers back against that collar. there's a tug — pay attention. ） No one else gets this. Personal collars like this represent a bond. It's a pledge.
[Those kisses underlaid with spoken sentiment threaten to veer his concentration off-track, so that when Cy tugs on the collar, dark lashes flicker with the bleary awareness that he'd closed his eyes. He gazes at the other man — trusting. Even the slightest shift of weight reveals where he's sitting Cy's cock, but that only adds to the unhurried intimacy. There is no reason to rush. They have the night, and tomorrow, and the next day after that.]
You said it was about ownership. Is that what you mean by a pledge?
[He doesn't have any doubt about what his answer would be, if asked if he would give himself to Cy — in every sense — but he wants to understand this better.]
[The movement earns a sharp breath, and his legs constrict in their circle around Cy's hips, body tightening in a reflexive squeeze where they're joined.]
Then, yes. You know I don't take such a bond lightly — but I want to be able to give that to you.
（ tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé. he knows too well what he's set in motion. perhaps selfishly. and yet — in the moment, with sasuke curled into him, the hot join of their bodies, the naked trust in those miscoloured eyes — and he's not sorry for having done it.
he presses a kiss against the bridge of sasuke's nose. ）
[That balance is gratefully necessary when he so often slips into more serious, dire threads of thinking, even if it is difficult to think much at all with the way they hold each other. There's something so casually intimate about feeling Cy inside of him with no urgency to move — to rush to the end of pleasure.]
I don't think you need me to tell you that. [Cy's physical confidence and easy sexuality have both been apparent to him since the beginning.] But yes. If I had met you somewhere else, where the demands of this place weren't required of us, I would have felt the same attraction. Only I wouldn't have known what that feeling was.
（ his hands drop against sasuke's hips, fingers slotting in against the reddening bruises of his ass to lift him up just a little, and pull him back down. the slow, obscene slide of his cock inside him — his partner, his submissive — feels so fucking good it makes him ache. ）
Awh, you would've been so cute.
（ he doesn't mind that it happened this way. it's equal parts sad and adorable to imagine sasuke being moon-eyed and frustrated at himself over it, making excuses to leave conversations but also to be nebulously around for them to kick off in the first place. he would've caught on quick, but — certainly, the impetus of the casino has made things easier. a certain social (ha) lubrication. ）
Just following me around trying to get me to fight you, huh?
[The lazy thrust briefly severs his concentration, so that he sees only stars behind flickered eyelids at the drag of Cy's cock inside of him, angled almost well enough to tease a tender prostate. Almost. He tries shifting in Cy's warm lap, chasing pressure in a circle of hips rather than moving up and off.
Cy isn't so far off the mark with the depiction. Not knowing the source of his frustration and chasing instead what he would view at Cy's presence of power, he'd attempt to channel himself physically through combat. Anything for Cy's attention.]
That would be — pathetic of me. [It's unconsciously easy to be derisive toward this imagined self.] Not cute.
（ he leans in close, hooks a finger in between the collar and sasuke's throat and silences him with a kiss. it starts slow and gains heat, and then cy nips at him when he draws back enough to speak. ）
Shh. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind to yourself, Sasuke. Not who you were, not who you are, not who you might have been. Be nice.
（ he'll literally dom you into it. literally. ）
There's no version of you that doesn't deserve my attention, respect, or love.
[The way it might actually be effective to be dommed into self-love...]
Sorry. [The apology is reactive. He is trying — but habits are not changed overnight.] I wasn't thinking when I spoke.
[A bit chastised, though soothed by the kiss that leaves him unable to look anywhere but at Cy's mouth. When he swallows, he can feel where Cy's finger is wedged between his throat and the collar, and he leans slightly away, testing the resistance where he's held.]
I don't want to imagine any version of myself that isn't with you.
（ the apology is accepted with another, gentler kiss pressed against the corner of his mouth like a punctuation mark to the statement. ）
It's okay. It takes time to learn how to give yourself the grace you'd offer anyone else. Easy to judge ourselves by our darkest thoughts and others by their kindest actions, you know?
（ another slow, sweet rock to his hips. he's not trying to drive sasuke wild on purpose, it's more just — the intimacy and connection is a fulcrum to the nature of their conversation. something to cleave to when the mind strays. ）
Not that I don't dig the sentiment — because I do — but I'd prefer to think there are other people who could make you happy out there in the universe, too. You'll break my heart otherwise, huh?
Is that what comes to him when Cy says there are other people out in the universe who could make him happy? That adamant, livid no resonates in his mind alongside a needle of dread and uncertainty, wondering whether Cy feels what he feels. If he did, why would he make such the suggestion of other people? But then it's unfair, because Cy is accustomed to moving on from dead lovers. Of course this would not be so intense for him. Of course he wouldn't feel as deeply. Sasuke is the one who is cursed to be this way. Cy is right, because he's found those others for himself over the course of thousands of years. Sasuke is one of many, a temporary blip across eternity.
... He stops, takes a shuddering breath — because it almost seems like the influence of the suit has acted upon him with how his mind spirals in an unwarranted direction. It does help to have Cy inside of him, brought back to the physical moment and reminded of that closeness. The difficulty shows on his face, brow forming a pinched line.]
Yeah.
[He doesn't know what he's answering, but it feels right to make some sound of acknowledgment before he squeezes his legs tighter around Cy's waist and tries to — release his mind altogether, rocking hips, attempting to fuck himself down onto Cy's cock with more dedicated urgency.]
[He licks his lips after that kiss, eyes downcast. No and nothing happened are the first impulsive answers — but he can't lie to Cy. It would be so blatant.]
I don't think you would like it.
[They weren't charitable thoughts, and he's reluctant to bring them into a conversation, as if it will make them real. Yet they've had enough discussions for Sasuke to be less resistant.]
[It isn't the first time his worse thoughts have been dragged to light between them, and while it is easier with practice, he doesn't dread it any less. They have had difficult conversations — and Sasuke is aware they are most often his own doing. There is that paranoid, damaged state of mind wondering when it will be too much, when he will drive Cy from him.
Against that is everything else. Persephone, and sharing the memory of his home, and every reassurance Cy has gently massaged into him just like those physical hands on his body now. Carefully, Sasuke moves to ease himself from Cy's lap only far enough to pull slicky off — he doesn't try to move away, but he doubts this will be a quick conversation.
It takes a while to actually speak.]
Your response felt... as though it would matter less to you if I loved someone else than how much it would matter to me if the situation was reversed. Then, I thought it made sense, because you've been with countless others. I'm one of the same. [A deep insecurity, welling up again.] I know it's unfair. I don't think that I believe that, but it was how I felt when you said that there were other people out there, at first.
（ he lets sasuke move, helps him with it and is gratified when he doesn't try to put any significant distance between them. one hand falls to the boy's wrist and he strokes his thumb against it, a little see-saw of perpetual motion. he's patient, waiting for the words to come. sasuke has always conquered himself before, and cy's in no hurry to drag it out of him now. this, too, is progress.
when he does take that step, cy makes a soft hm of noise, and then lets his focus capture that point of contact between them a long moment.
at length himself — ）
I can see how it would feel that way.
（ he leans in, butts his head against sasuke's like an overly affectionate cat. it's here, lingering close like the kiss of sweet perfume, that he speaks again — ）
It's not that it wouldn't matter. It's that I can separate my own feelings for you from the desire for you to have the love you deserve in life. I would rather see you beloved of a thousand other souls than desperate and lonely in any universe. But I do recognize that there's an element there of me ignoring your own agency, too, so you're not wrong to feel how you did about what I said. It just hurts me to think of you being alone.
（ that nearness affords him the opportunity to graze his teeth against sasuke's collarbone. ）
But since we're talking in theoreticals — if it was up to me, I'd have you across every universe and in every time. And I'd love you if you were a worm. （ that's said, suffused with playfulness. ） Earth joke. Go with it.
[It's too natural for him to fixate. Cy's words only prove that no one else would treat him this way — would be so loving, so patient, so open-minded. Part of that, Sasuke understands, is the experience Cy wields in the same hand as his identity, because he has been forged by the millennia that have come to pass.
Cy doesn't want him to be lonely; Sasuke would rather be lonely than fill that void. He would have to lose all memory of Cy not to suffer permanently from that separation. He has been altered too deeply. As teeth find a gentle spot on his collar, he leans in, returning the nudge with his own head.]
I'm not alone anymore. [Not right now, here.] You changed that.
[The comment on him being a worm earns — a soft, huffed laugh, withdrawing slightly just to peer at Cy dubiously.]
It isn't necessarily a theoretical. I have an ability, though I haven't been able to access it in these dimensions for obvious reasons. But it allows me to travel between places. So, [his hand turns over, laying atop Cy's] if you end up somewhere else, I'll find a way to follow you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Sharing air, he leans closer into the shelter of where they touch, little breathy sounds loose on his lips.]
Cy, [a name that is a mold for the affection that now pours out of him, every crack and seam their togetherness has created.] Knowing you makes me want to... be kind. [To myself.] Even if it's hard. I'll keep trying.
[He's begun to learn that difficulty between them does not mean the end; there's a foundation that will weather and support against failures and mistakes. So he shifts the leg hooked underneath one of Cy's, and lifts his hips, their hands driving another inexorable push against his ass to open it up.]
I know we just spoke about what we were going to do, but — now I want you inside of me.
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（ and it means something, that sasuke would choose something gentler than what they'd discussed earlier. it's not as if he has an aversion to treating him roughly — quite the opposite, in fact, especially now that they're exploring their limits in concert.
but he can't deny the way that those gentler moments feel a little bit like letting the light into a darkened room, either.
cy kisses him again, drawn out and tender, and then: ）
Tell me when you're ready. I wanna try a different position.
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If living with this guilt and rage and loss all over again would deliver him to Cy, he'd do it. He'd suffer every hurt.
With a slight shift, he pulls his wrist back, sliding fingers out of his body and unashamedly lacing them together with Cy's own in a loose, slippery hold.]
I'm ready. What position?
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（ he leaves their fingers tightly wound together, but his free hand hooks on the d-ring of sasuke's collar and tugs him forward. cy arranges himself in the middle of the bed, thighs slightly splayed apart, and draws sasuke right atop them. ）
Some people say it's the most romantic way to have sex. Sit, wrap your legs around me, ankles crossed.
（ it's a foregone conclusion that he's already hard, lbr. so it's easy, to let briefly go of that collar to scrounge around for the bottle of lube and slick himself liberally — and then a touch to sasuke's thigh to get him to flex his thighs and lift upwards and then back, to settle against the head of cy's cock. he teases the boy's hole with a heavy drag of his dick and then pushes just the head inward, feeling the stretch and sudden give of the muscle there. being nested inside him like this has never felt anything less than perfect, but it's — sweeter, now. ）
Hold there for a sec, and then I want you to take me all the way in in one smooth shot. And then I wanna get real mushy about being inside you, just so you know what you signed up for getting away from the choking on my dick scenario.
（ and why he asked sasuke to wait like that, tantalized and wanting, becomes very clear after a moment — cy's hand slips back around between them and lifts. he hooks his index finger back in the collar's ring, and then tugs him in for a kiss. the message is clear: he's going to hold the collar all the way through. ）
Bear down for me, t'che verai.
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Magnified, of course, by how casually Cy tugs him by the collar around his throat. The kiss seals that intention between them, and Sasuke feels arousal run through him like water, taking him beneath its flow.]
I want to do that another time. [A breathless statement, given as he feels himself settle, the crown of Cy's dick dragging a wet smear of lubricant in the cleft of his sore ass. Then the tight squeeze as the head breaches his hole just barely. He circles his hips, enjoying the burn of first penetration without shifting any deeper.] I want to do so much with you. I didn't know that it could be possible — to want the future so badly. I want to do this a hundred times. A thousand. Forever.
[With Cy's hand on the collar, with that warm endearment stuffing his head like cotton, Sasuke does as he's told. A slow, deliberate push takes Cy's cock to the root, chasing shocks of pleasure up his spine — his head rolls on shoulders but cannot lean for being held in place by the ownership of that band around his throat. His mouth falls slack around a reverberation of sound, low and quiet but full, aching at the throb at having Cy's dick buried so deep inside of him.]
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but this boy, with all the trauma tangled up in him — who regards his own life as nothing else but a tool to further the future vision of one he loves back home — says that so casually, and cy just.
looks at him for a moment, warmth and fondness and love and surprise all emblazoned so plainly on his face — and then he drops his hand away from the collar and wraps sasuke up in his arms so tightly it will restrict his oxygen by accident rather than design. his knees bend, a slight shift of his legs positionally speaking, that puts sasuke into his cross-legged lap. and he just. holds him. breathing against the crook of his neck. there's a faint tremble to his shoulders that speaks of the depth of emotional resonance ringing through him now, and the kiss he presses against the join between the slope of sasuke's trapezius muscle and the plush edge of the collar is sweet rather than sensual.
i want the future so badly.
jesus fucking christ. ）
Okay. （ comes the quiet murmur, because it's really all he can bring himself to say. ） Okay.
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Will you remind me how to say it in French? [He can feel Cy's heart, this close, thudding at a slow and steady rhythm. It is like it sits within his own chest.] I love you.
[Never would he have thought the words could come to him like this for someone else, put into the air and made tangible without the burden of fear, but Cy convinces him that anything is possible.]
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Hey. I don't like to leave things unsaid. （ as if anyone would suspect him of such a fucking thing given the sheer volume of words that fall out of his mouth tbh.
though he hasn't quite returned to the original distance between them, he has hooked two fingers back against that collar. there's a tug — pay attention. ） No one else gets this. Personal collars like this represent a bond. It's a pledge.
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You said it was about ownership. Is that what you mean by a pledge?
[He doesn't have any doubt about what his answer would be, if asked if he would give himself to Cy — in every sense — but he wants to understand this better.]
What kind of bond?
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（ there's a slight upwards flex of his hips, and then another kiss claimed at the corner of sasuke's mouth. ）
I like to think of it as commitment, devotion, protection and trust.
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Then, yes. You know I don't take such a bond lightly — but I want to be able to give that to you.
[A tilt to press their foreheads together.]
You're the only one for me.
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he presses a kiss against the bridge of sasuke's nose. ）
Bet it's 'cause I'm hot.
（ annnnd we're back to cheeky and playful, oop. ）
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I don't think you need me to tell you that. [Cy's physical confidence and easy sexuality have both been apparent to him since the beginning.] But yes. If I had met you somewhere else, where the demands of this place weren't required of us, I would have felt the same attraction. Only I wouldn't have known what that feeling was.
[It's hard to imagine, though he tries.]
I wouldn't have been able to leave you alone.
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Awh, you would've been so cute.
（ he doesn't mind that it happened this way. it's equal parts sad and adorable to imagine sasuke being moon-eyed and frustrated at himself over it, making excuses to leave conversations but also to be nebulously around for them to kick off in the first place. he would've caught on quick, but — certainly, the impetus of the casino has made things easier. a certain social (ha) lubrication. ）
Just following me around trying to get me to fight you, huh?
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Cy isn't so far off the mark with the depiction. Not knowing the source of his frustration and chasing instead what he would view at Cy's presence of power, he'd attempt to channel himself physically through combat. Anything for Cy's attention.]
That would be — pathetic of me. [It's unconsciously easy to be derisive toward this imagined self.] Not cute.
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Shh. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind to yourself, Sasuke. Not who you were, not who you are, not who you might have been. Be nice.
（ he'll literally dom you into it. literally. ）
There's no version of you that doesn't deserve my attention, respect, or love.
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Sorry. [The apology is reactive. He is trying — but habits are not changed overnight.] I wasn't thinking when I spoke.
[A bit chastised, though soothed by the kiss that leaves him unable to look anywhere but at Cy's mouth. When he swallows, he can feel where Cy's finger is wedged between his throat and the collar, and he leans slightly away, testing the resistance where he's held.]
I don't want to imagine any version of myself that isn't with you.
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It's okay. It takes time to learn how to give yourself the grace you'd offer anyone else. Easy to judge ourselves by our darkest thoughts and others by their kindest actions, you know?
（ another slow, sweet rock to his hips. he's not trying to drive sasuke wild on purpose, it's more just — the intimacy and connection is a fulcrum to the nature of their conversation. something to cleave to when the mind strays. ）
Not that I don't dig the sentiment — because I do — but I'd prefer to think there are other people who could make you happy out there in the universe, too. You'll break my heart otherwise, huh?
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Is that what comes to him when Cy says there are other people out in the universe who could make him happy? That adamant, livid no resonates in his mind alongside a needle of dread and uncertainty, wondering whether Cy feels what he feels. If he did, why would he make such the suggestion of other people? But then it's unfair, because Cy is accustomed to moving on from dead lovers. Of course this would not be so intense for him. Of course he wouldn't feel as deeply. Sasuke is the one who is cursed to be this way. Cy is right, because he's found those others for himself over the course of thousands of years. Sasuke is one of many, a temporary blip across eternity.
... He stops, takes a shuddering breath — because it almost seems like the influence of the suit has acted upon him with how his mind spirals in an unwarranted direction. It does help to have Cy inside of him, brought back to the physical moment and reminded of that closeness. The difficulty shows on his face, brow forming a pinched line.]
Yeah.
[He doesn't know what he's answering, but it feels right to make some sound of acknowledgment before he squeezes his legs tighter around Cy's waist and tries to — release his mind altogether, rocking hips, attempting to fuck himself down onto Cy's cock with more dedicated urgency.]
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another soft kiss captures his lips, and cy licks into his mouth with unhurried ownership. dragging it out, until — ）
Hey, before we continue. You wanna talk about what just set you off there?
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I don't think you would like it.
[They weren't charitable thoughts, and he's reluctant to bring them into a conversation, as if it will make them real. Yet they've had enough discussions for Sasuke to be less resistant.]
It wasn't rational.
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( it's said gently, and he slips his left hand up along the strong muscles of sasuke's back, digging in wherever he finds it knotted with tension. )
And it doesn't have to be rational. What's up?
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Against that is everything else. Persephone, and sharing the memory of his home, and every reassurance Cy has gently massaged into him just like those physical hands on his body now. Carefully, Sasuke moves to ease himself from Cy's lap only far enough to pull slicky off — he doesn't try to move away, but he doubts this will be a quick conversation.
It takes a while to actually speak.]
Your response felt... as though it would matter less to you if I loved someone else than how much it would matter to me if the situation was reversed. Then, I thought it made sense, because you've been with countless others. I'm one of the same. [A deep insecurity, welling up again.] I know it's unfair. I don't think that I believe that, but it was how I felt when you said that there were other people out there, at first.
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when he does take that step, cy makes a soft hm of noise, and then lets his focus capture that point of contact between them a long moment.
at length himself — ）
I can see how it would feel that way.
（ he leans in, butts his head against sasuke's like an overly affectionate cat. it's here, lingering close like the kiss of sweet perfume, that he speaks again — ）
It's not that it wouldn't matter. It's that I can separate my own feelings for you from the desire for you to have the love you deserve in life. I would rather see you beloved of a thousand other souls than desperate and lonely in any universe. But I do recognize that there's an element there of me ignoring your own agency, too, so you're not wrong to feel how you did about what I said. It just hurts me to think of you being alone.
（ that nearness affords him the opportunity to graze his teeth against sasuke's collarbone. ）
But since we're talking in theoreticals — if it was up to me, I'd have you across every universe and in every time. And I'd love you if you were a worm. （ that's said, suffused with playfulness. ） Earth joke. Go with it.
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Cy doesn't want him to be lonely; Sasuke would rather be lonely than fill that void. He would have to lose all memory of Cy not to suffer permanently from that separation. He has been altered too deeply. As teeth find a gentle spot on his collar, he leans in, returning the nudge with his own head.]
I'm not alone anymore. [Not right now, here.] You changed that.
[The comment on him being a worm earns — a soft, huffed laugh, withdrawing slightly just to peer at Cy dubiously.]
It isn't necessarily a theoretical. I have an ability, though I haven't been able to access it in these dimensions for obvious reasons. But it allows me to travel between places. So, [his hand turns over, laying atop Cy's] if you end up somewhere else, I'll find a way to follow you.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(fade to marathon sex + collars + probably sasuke crying again)