[The movement earns a sharp breath, and his legs constrict in their circle around Cy's hips, body tightening in a reflexive squeeze where they're joined.]
Then, yes. You know I don't take such a bond lightly — but I want to be able to give that to you.
（ tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé. he knows too well what he's set in motion. perhaps selfishly. and yet — in the moment, with sasuke curled into him, the hot join of their bodies, the naked trust in those miscoloured eyes — and he's not sorry for having done it.
he presses a kiss against the bridge of sasuke's nose. ）
[That balance is gratefully necessary when he so often slips into more serious, dire threads of thinking, even if it is difficult to think much at all with the way they hold each other. There's something so casually intimate about feeling Cy inside of him with no urgency to move — to rush to the end of pleasure.]
I don't think you need me to tell you that. [Cy's physical confidence and easy sexuality have both been apparent to him since the beginning.] But yes. If I had met you somewhere else, where the demands of this place weren't required of us, I would have felt the same attraction. Only I wouldn't have known what that feeling was.
（ his hands drop against sasuke's hips, fingers slotting in against the reddening bruises of his ass to lift him up just a little, and pull him back down. the slow, obscene slide of his cock inside him — his partner, his submissive — feels so fucking good it makes him ache. ）
Awh, you would've been so cute.
（ he doesn't mind that it happened this way. it's equal parts sad and adorable to imagine sasuke being moon-eyed and frustrated at himself over it, making excuses to leave conversations but also to be nebulously around for them to kick off in the first place. he would've caught on quick, but — certainly, the impetus of the casino has made things easier. a certain social (ha) lubrication. ）
Just following me around trying to get me to fight you, huh?
[The lazy thrust briefly severs his concentration, so that he sees only stars behind flickered eyelids at the drag of Cy's cock inside of him, angled almost well enough to tease a tender prostate. Almost. He tries shifting in Cy's warm lap, chasing pressure in a circle of hips rather than moving up and off.
Cy isn't so far off the mark with the depiction. Not knowing the source of his frustration and chasing instead what he would view at Cy's presence of power, he'd attempt to channel himself physically through combat. Anything for Cy's attention.]
That would be — pathetic of me. [It's unconsciously easy to be derisive toward this imagined self.] Not cute.
（ he leans in close, hooks a finger in between the collar and sasuke's throat and silences him with a kiss. it starts slow and gains heat, and then cy nips at him when he draws back enough to speak. ）
Shh. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind to yourself, Sasuke. Not who you were, not who you are, not who you might have been. Be nice.
（ he'll literally dom you into it. literally. ）
There's no version of you that doesn't deserve my attention, respect, or love.
[The way it might actually be effective to be dommed into self-love...]
Sorry. [The apology is reactive. He is trying — but habits are not changed overnight.] I wasn't thinking when I spoke.
[A bit chastised, though soothed by the kiss that leaves him unable to look anywhere but at Cy's mouth. When he swallows, he can feel where Cy's finger is wedged between his throat and the collar, and he leans slightly away, testing the resistance where he's held.]
I don't want to imagine any version of myself that isn't with you.
（ the apology is accepted with another, gentler kiss pressed against the corner of his mouth like a punctuation mark to the statement. ）
It's okay. It takes time to learn how to give yourself the grace you'd offer anyone else. Easy to judge ourselves by our darkest thoughts and others by their kindest actions, you know?
（ another slow, sweet rock to his hips. he's not trying to drive sasuke wild on purpose, it's more just — the intimacy and connection is a fulcrum to the nature of their conversation. something to cleave to when the mind strays. ）
Not that I don't dig the sentiment — because I do — but I'd prefer to think there are other people who could make you happy out there in the universe, too. You'll break my heart otherwise, huh?
Is that what comes to him when Cy says there are other people out in the universe who could make him happy? That adamant, livid no resonates in his mind alongside a needle of dread and uncertainty, wondering whether Cy feels what he feels. If he did, why would he make such the suggestion of other people? But then it's unfair, because Cy is accustomed to moving on from dead lovers. Of course this would not be so intense for him. Of course he wouldn't feel as deeply. Sasuke is the one who is cursed to be this way. Cy is right, because he's found those others for himself over the course of thousands of years. Sasuke is one of many, a temporary blip across eternity.
... He stops, takes a shuddering breath — because it almost seems like the influence of the suit has acted upon him with how his mind spirals in an unwarranted direction. It does help to have Cy inside of him, brought back to the physical moment and reminded of that closeness. The difficulty shows on his face, brow forming a pinched line.]
Yeah.
[He doesn't know what he's answering, but it feels right to make some sound of acknowledgment before he squeezes his legs tighter around Cy's waist and tries to — release his mind altogether, rocking hips, attempting to fuck himself down onto Cy's cock with more dedicated urgency.]
[He licks his lips after that kiss, eyes downcast. No and nothing happened are the first impulsive answers — but he can't lie to Cy. It would be so blatant.]
I don't think you would like it.
[They weren't charitable thoughts, and he's reluctant to bring them into a conversation, as if it will make them real. Yet they've had enough discussions for Sasuke to be less resistant.]
[It isn't the first time his worse thoughts have been dragged to light between them, and while it is easier with practice, he doesn't dread it any less. They have had difficult conversations — and Sasuke is aware they are most often his own doing. There is that paranoid, damaged state of mind wondering when it will be too much, when he will drive Cy from him.
Against that is everything else. Persephone, and sharing the memory of his home, and every reassurance Cy has gently massaged into him just like those physical hands on his body now. Carefully, Sasuke moves to ease himself from Cy's lap only far enough to pull slicky off — he doesn't try to move away, but he doubts this will be a quick conversation.
It takes a while to actually speak.]
Your response felt... as though it would matter less to you if I loved someone else than how much it would matter to me if the situation was reversed. Then, I thought it made sense, because you've been with countless others. I'm one of the same. [A deep insecurity, welling up again.] I know it's unfair. I don't think that I believe that, but it was how I felt when you said that there were other people out there, at first.
（ he lets sasuke move, helps him with it and is gratified when he doesn't try to put any significant distance between them. one hand falls to the boy's wrist and he strokes his thumb against it, a little see-saw of perpetual motion. he's patient, waiting for the words to come. sasuke has always conquered himself before, and cy's in no hurry to drag it out of him now. this, too, is progress.
when he does take that step, cy makes a soft hm of noise, and then lets his focus capture that point of contact between them a long moment.
at length himself — ）
I can see how it would feel that way.
（ he leans in, butts his head against sasuke's like an overly affectionate cat. it's here, lingering close like the kiss of sweet perfume, that he speaks again — ）
It's not that it wouldn't matter. It's that I can separate my own feelings for you from the desire for you to have the love you deserve in life. I would rather see you beloved of a thousand other souls than desperate and lonely in any universe. But I do recognize that there's an element there of me ignoring your own agency, too, so you're not wrong to feel how you did about what I said. It just hurts me to think of you being alone.
（ that nearness affords him the opportunity to graze his teeth against sasuke's collarbone. ）
But since we're talking in theoreticals — if it was up to me, I'd have you across every universe and in every time. And I'd love you if you were a worm. （ that's said, suffused with playfulness. ） Earth joke. Go with it.
[It's too natural for him to fixate. Cy's words only prove that no one else would treat him this way — would be so loving, so patient, so open-minded. Part of that, Sasuke understands, is the experience Cy wields in the same hand as his identity, because he has been forged by the millennia that have come to pass.
Cy doesn't want him to be lonely; Sasuke would rather be lonely than fill that void. He would have to lose all memory of Cy not to suffer permanently from that separation. He has been altered too deeply. As teeth find a gentle spot on his collar, he leans in, returning the nudge with his own head.]
I'm not alone anymore. [Not right now, here.] You changed that.
[The comment on him being a worm earns — a soft, huffed laugh, withdrawing slightly just to peer at Cy dubiously.]
It isn't necessarily a theoretical. I have an ability, though I haven't been able to access it in these dimensions for obvious reasons. But it allows me to travel between places. So, [his hand turns over, laying atop Cy's] if you end up somewhere else, I'll find a way to follow you.
（ there's a breath of laughter, and then cy leans in to kiss him with an aggressive sort of playfulness, bending him backwards like someone chasing a cat that isn't quite convinced it wants to be petted but isn't actively trying to escape. ）
I really had to untangle my brain there for a sec, because I absolutely thought you meant being a worm wasn't a theoretical.
[Just for the sake of it, he puts on a show of resistance — craning away without any intent to actually escape the kiss, or the arms that hold him. It is a playfulness that still often surprises him, perhaps more so for how easy it is to return.]
You're ridiculous.
[Yet his face is warm, and there is an undeniable softness to the words on the hinge of that affectionate declaration. I love you. He could hear it for the rest of his life and it would never become tired.]
(fade to marathon sex + collars + probably sasuke crying again)
Oh yeah? And yet you're still here, so what does that make you?
（ cy rubs their noses together with an aggressively playful motion, and then he hooks his hands under sasuke's thighs, pulling him back into the ease of his embrace. ）
C'mon, sweetheart. The collar ain't properly christened until I paint your guts while you moan like a wanton whore.
（ he nips at the boy's jaw, one hand exploring his chest, rolling a nipple between thumb and forefinger. ）
If you can walk in a straight line tomorrow it'll be a personal failing of mine, actually, so let's get a head start to spare my ego.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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（ there's a slight upwards flex of his hips, and then another kiss claimed at the corner of sasuke's mouth. ）
I like to think of it as commitment, devotion, protection and trust.
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Then, yes. You know I don't take such a bond lightly — but I want to be able to give that to you.
[A tilt to press their foreheads together.]
You're the only one for me.
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he presses a kiss against the bridge of sasuke's nose. ）
Bet it's 'cause I'm hot.
（ annnnd we're back to cheeky and playful, oop. ）
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I don't think you need me to tell you that. [Cy's physical confidence and easy sexuality have both been apparent to him since the beginning.] But yes. If I had met you somewhere else, where the demands of this place weren't required of us, I would have felt the same attraction. Only I wouldn't have known what that feeling was.
[It's hard to imagine, though he tries.]
I wouldn't have been able to leave you alone.
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Awh, you would've been so cute.
（ he doesn't mind that it happened this way. it's equal parts sad and adorable to imagine sasuke being moon-eyed and frustrated at himself over it, making excuses to leave conversations but also to be nebulously around for them to kick off in the first place. he would've caught on quick, but — certainly, the impetus of the casino has made things easier. a certain social (ha) lubrication. ）
Just following me around trying to get me to fight you, huh?
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Cy isn't so far off the mark with the depiction. Not knowing the source of his frustration and chasing instead what he would view at Cy's presence of power, he'd attempt to channel himself physically through combat. Anything for Cy's attention.]
That would be — pathetic of me. [It's unconsciously easy to be derisive toward this imagined self.] Not cute.
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Shh. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind to yourself, Sasuke. Not who you were, not who you are, not who you might have been. Be nice.
（ he'll literally dom you into it. literally. ）
There's no version of you that doesn't deserve my attention, respect, or love.
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Sorry. [The apology is reactive. He is trying — but habits are not changed overnight.] I wasn't thinking when I spoke.
[A bit chastised, though soothed by the kiss that leaves him unable to look anywhere but at Cy's mouth. When he swallows, he can feel where Cy's finger is wedged between his throat and the collar, and he leans slightly away, testing the resistance where he's held.]
I don't want to imagine any version of myself that isn't with you.
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It's okay. It takes time to learn how to give yourself the grace you'd offer anyone else. Easy to judge ourselves by our darkest thoughts and others by their kindest actions, you know?
（ another slow, sweet rock to his hips. he's not trying to drive sasuke wild on purpose, it's more just — the intimacy and connection is a fulcrum to the nature of their conversation. something to cleave to when the mind strays. ）
Not that I don't dig the sentiment — because I do — but I'd prefer to think there are other people who could make you happy out there in the universe, too. You'll break my heart otherwise, huh?
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Is that what comes to him when Cy says there are other people out in the universe who could make him happy? That adamant, livid no resonates in his mind alongside a needle of dread and uncertainty, wondering whether Cy feels what he feels. If he did, why would he make such the suggestion of other people? But then it's unfair, because Cy is accustomed to moving on from dead lovers. Of course this would not be so intense for him. Of course he wouldn't feel as deeply. Sasuke is the one who is cursed to be this way. Cy is right, because he's found those others for himself over the course of thousands of years. Sasuke is one of many, a temporary blip across eternity.
... He stops, takes a shuddering breath — because it almost seems like the influence of the suit has acted upon him with how his mind spirals in an unwarranted direction. It does help to have Cy inside of him, brought back to the physical moment and reminded of that closeness. The difficulty shows on his face, brow forming a pinched line.]
Yeah.
[He doesn't know what he's answering, but it feels right to make some sound of acknowledgment before he squeezes his legs tighter around Cy's waist and tries to — release his mind altogether, rocking hips, attempting to fuck himself down onto Cy's cock with more dedicated urgency.]
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another soft kiss captures his lips, and cy licks into his mouth with unhurried ownership. dragging it out, until — ）
Hey, before we continue. You wanna talk about what just set you off there?
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I don't think you would like it.
[They weren't charitable thoughts, and he's reluctant to bring them into a conversation, as if it will make them real. Yet they've had enough discussions for Sasuke to be less resistant.]
It wasn't rational.
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( it's said gently, and he slips his left hand up along the strong muscles of sasuke's back, digging in wherever he finds it knotted with tension. )
And it doesn't have to be rational. What's up?
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Against that is everything else. Persephone, and sharing the memory of his home, and every reassurance Cy has gently massaged into him just like those physical hands on his body now. Carefully, Sasuke moves to ease himself from Cy's lap only far enough to pull slicky off — he doesn't try to move away, but he doubts this will be a quick conversation.
It takes a while to actually speak.]
Your response felt... as though it would matter less to you if I loved someone else than how much it would matter to me if the situation was reversed. Then, I thought it made sense, because you've been with countless others. I'm one of the same. [A deep insecurity, welling up again.] I know it's unfair. I don't think that I believe that, but it was how I felt when you said that there were other people out there, at first.
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when he does take that step, cy makes a soft hm of noise, and then lets his focus capture that point of contact between them a long moment.
at length himself — ）
I can see how it would feel that way.
（ he leans in, butts his head against sasuke's like an overly affectionate cat. it's here, lingering close like the kiss of sweet perfume, that he speaks again — ）
It's not that it wouldn't matter. It's that I can separate my own feelings for you from the desire for you to have the love you deserve in life. I would rather see you beloved of a thousand other souls than desperate and lonely in any universe. But I do recognize that there's an element there of me ignoring your own agency, too, so you're not wrong to feel how you did about what I said. It just hurts me to think of you being alone.
（ that nearness affords him the opportunity to graze his teeth against sasuke's collarbone. ）
But since we're talking in theoreticals — if it was up to me, I'd have you across every universe and in every time. And I'd love you if you were a worm. （ that's said, suffused with playfulness. ） Earth joke. Go with it.
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Cy doesn't want him to be lonely; Sasuke would rather be lonely than fill that void. He would have to lose all memory of Cy not to suffer permanently from that separation. He has been altered too deeply. As teeth find a gentle spot on his collar, he leans in, returning the nudge with his own head.]
I'm not alone anymore. [Not right now, here.] You changed that.
[The comment on him being a worm earns — a soft, huffed laugh, withdrawing slightly just to peer at Cy dubiously.]
It isn't necessarily a theoretical. I have an ability, though I haven't been able to access it in these dimensions for obvious reasons. But it allows me to travel between places. So, [his hand turns over, laying atop Cy's] if you end up somewhere else, I'll find a way to follow you.
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I really had to untangle my brain there for a sec, because I absolutely thought you meant being a worm wasn't a theoretical.
（ language is funny like that. ）
Then follow me. I love you.
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You're ridiculous.
[Yet his face is warm, and there is an undeniable softness to the words on the hinge of that affectionate declaration. I love you. He could hear it for the rest of his life and it would never become tired.]
(fade to marathon sex + collars + probably sasuke crying again)
（ cy rubs their noses together with an aggressively playful motion, and then he hooks his hands under sasuke's thighs, pulling him back into the ease of his embrace. ）
C'mon, sweetheart. The collar ain't properly christened until I paint your guts while you moan like a wanton whore.
（ he nips at the boy's jaw, one hand exploring his chest, rolling a nipple between thumb and forefinger. ）
If you can walk in a straight line tomorrow it'll be a personal failing of mine, actually, so let's get a head start to spare my ego.