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[It hasn't been long since then. A week, perhaps less, in a count of colorless days—but he has thought about it constantly and persistently to a point of distraction. Without the aphrodisiac to cloud his mind, everything is clearer, more concentrated, a crystal recollection reflecting back on everything they did and said. And, of course, the memories stored in his own eyes. He knows he will be the only one between the two of them so fixated, but it doesn't bother him. Not after all that Cyram shared.
Still, he wonders: Is that it? A passing encounter, quickly forgotten in the long and enduring passage of a god's eternal existence? How long does Cyram's mind retain memories? Sasuke forces himself not to entertain regret; he knows already that of all possible outcomes, it was the best possible scenario. Yet he cannot deny it. He wants to see Cyram again.
The question is answered one late evening, when he arrives back to his cramped suite on the lowest level of the casino to discover a nondescript box on his bed alongside a note. (In his own language, he notices.) got you some homework. call me if you want the cheat sheet
Upon opening it to discover a dildo, a slim bottle of gel-based lubricant, and a third item, bluntly tapered, that Sasuke doesn't recognize—his message is predictable.]
What did you put in my room?
Still, he wonders: Is that it? A passing encounter, quickly forgotten in the long and enduring passage of a god's eternal existence? How long does Cyram's mind retain memories? Sasuke forces himself not to entertain regret; he knows already that of all possible outcomes, it was the best possible scenario. Yet he cannot deny it. He wants to see Cyram again.
The question is answered one late evening, when he arrives back to his cramped suite on the lowest level of the casino to discover a nondescript box on his bed alongside a note. (In his own language, he notices.) got you some homework. call me if you want the cheat sheet
Upon opening it to discover a dildo, a slim bottle of gel-based lubricant, and a third item, bluntly tapered, that Sasuke doesn't recognize—his message is predictable.]
What did you put in my room?
Edited 2024-01-14 23:43 (UTC)
（ look, the kid is absolutely too interested in getting dicked down not to be curious. but he'd put down that boundary, and cy had — and does — respect that. he's not going to push, or ask, or do anything like that.
but given the nature of the casino, and the things they've already been forced into — he doesn't think sasuke has the luxury of a stubbornly indefinite resistance. the next time he fools around with someone, cy can't guarantee it'll be someone who cares about boundaries, or asks permission, or who isn't just blindly out of their mind with suit-induced lust, and he wants the kid to at least know a few fucking things before that possibility crops up.
and if sasuke isn't interested, well. he's clearly demonstrated a certain ruthlessness when it comes to throwing things out.
(cy, predictably, still has not found the guitar he was working on.
this may just be from lack of effort, though.) ）
purple thing's a dildo, black thing's got the incredibly apt name of 'buttplug' and the bottle's lube.
just a hot tip: the asshole is not self-lubricating. you're gonna want to be very generous with the lube. better too much than not enough.
dildo's for fucking, the plug's more for warmup/wearing. gets your body used to the sensation. some ppl wear them under clothes. that one does not vibrate but there are ones that do. i'd recommend the plug first, get urself used to it, and then try the dildo. u will see god the first time you hit the prostate just an FYI.
never stick anything up your ass that doesn't have a flared base or a tether or something, or you'll be one of many awkward motherfuckers waddling into the ER going 'i fell on it'.
you can explore on your own if you want, or i can walk you through it.
but given the nature of the casino, and the things they've already been forced into — he doesn't think sasuke has the luxury of a stubbornly indefinite resistance. the next time he fools around with someone, cy can't guarantee it'll be someone who cares about boundaries, or asks permission, or who isn't just blindly out of their mind with suit-induced lust, and he wants the kid to at least know a few fucking things before that possibility crops up.
and if sasuke isn't interested, well. he's clearly demonstrated a certain ruthlessness when it comes to throwing things out.
(cy, predictably, still has not found the guitar he was working on.
this may just be from lack of effort, though.) ）
purple thing's a dildo, black thing's got the incredibly apt name of 'buttplug' and the bottle's lube.
just a hot tip: the asshole is not self-lubricating. you're gonna want to be very generous with the lube. better too much than not enough.
dildo's for fucking, the plug's more for warmup/wearing. gets your body used to the sensation. some ppl wear them under clothes. that one does not vibrate but there are ones that do. i'd recommend the plug first, get urself used to it, and then try the dildo. u will see god the first time you hit the prostate just an FYI.
never stick anything up your ass that doesn't have a flared base or a tether or something, or you'll be one of many awkward motherfuckers waddling into the ER going 'i fell on it'.
you can explore on your own if you want, or i can walk you through it.
[The explanation is helpful. Though Sasuke has seen items like these around the resort by now, he hasn't taken care to learn names or descriptions of use beyond what is visually obvious to him.
Yet this hardly negates the fact his face colors when he lays eyes on the words themselves. (What is the ER?) He isn't entirely ignorant; he learned plenty from Orochimaru's medical textbooks, if not for the purpose of sexual intercourse.
And, namely, sexual intercourse between men.]
I'm familiar with male anatomy. However, none of the diagrams I've studied ever included anything called the "prostate".
[Like, are you making that up…?
He'd rather not have Cy believe he's a shy, wilting virgin. Even if—to some degree of repression and outright inexperience—he absolutely is. Let the illusion live.]
Walk me through it.
[Is it too obvious that he doesn't want to do this alone? Perhaps, yet Cy had insisted: communication. Sasuke checks the door to ensure it's as closed and locked as it can be before he retreats further in, sinking onto the bed beside the box, staring at its contents as if they might lash out and bite him. … A task this may be. And truly impossible on his own.]
Yet this hardly negates the fact his face colors when he lays eyes on the words themselves. (What is the ER?) He isn't entirely ignorant; he learned plenty from Orochimaru's medical textbooks, if not for the purpose of sexual intercourse.
And, namely, sexual intercourse between men.]
I'm familiar with male anatomy. However, none of the diagrams I've studied ever included anything called the "prostate".
[Like, are you making that up…?
He'd rather not have Cy believe he's a shy, wilting virgin. Even if—to some degree of repression and outright inexperience—he absolutely is. Let the illusion live.]
Walk me through it.
[Is it too obvious that he doesn't want to do this alone? Perhaps, yet Cy had insisted: communication. Sasuke checks the door to ensure it's as closed and locked as it can be before he retreats further in, sinking onto the bed beside the box, staring at its contents as if they might lash out and bite him. … A task this may be. And truly impossible on his own.]
（ give him a second, he sends along a surprisingly accurate medical diagram with the prostate circled in red. ）
it's abt 2 inches in, give or take, towards the front of the body. if you lube up a finger, lay however's comfy and stick it up the ol' chimney chute u'll be able to feel it. kinda spongy compared to the rest.
touching it might make u feel like u gotta take a piss so i also recommend draining the lizard first.
want me to switch to voice?
it's abt 2 inches in, give or take, towards the front of the body. if you lube up a finger, lay however's comfy and stick it up the ol' chimney chute u'll be able to feel it. kinda spongy compared to the rest.
touching it might make u feel like u gotta take a piss so i also recommend draining the lizard first.
want me to switch to voice?
（ he's grinning, which is only a little obvious in his voice. ）
Okay, okay. You only get one hundred percent serious sex professor guy from here on out, god's honour.
（ he will Behave. ）
Take off however much of your clothing you need to to be comfortable. It'll be easiest for now if you lay down, side or back or hell, on your stomach if you think it'd work for you. Doesn't matter, just go with whatever feels right, just make sure you're in a position where you can reach yourself without too much strain. Put down a towel or something first so you don't have to sleep in a pile of lube afterwards. I said you should start with the plug, but that was mostly if you were going to try on your own — either's fine if I'm talking you through it, dildo will hit the prostate easier. Follow your heart.
（ and, one more thing — ）
I want you to talk me through what you're doing. You think you can manage that?
Okay, okay. You only get one hundred percent serious sex professor guy from here on out, god's honour.
（ he will Behave. ）
Take off however much of your clothing you need to to be comfortable. It'll be easiest for now if you lay down, side or back or hell, on your stomach if you think it'd work for you. Doesn't matter, just go with whatever feels right, just make sure you're in a position where you can reach yourself without too much strain. Put down a towel or something first so you don't have to sleep in a pile of lube afterwards. I said you should start with the plug, but that was mostly if you were going to try on your own — either's fine if I'm talking you through it, dildo will hit the prostate easier. Follow your heart.
（ and, one more thing — ）
I want you to talk me through what you're doing. You think you can manage that?
Yes.
[The suggestion is followed with quiet hesitation, guided by Cy's voice and its naturally (or since learned) calming effect on him. A clean bathroom towel is placed down. Sasuke projects the Watch's interface onto the wall directly beside the bed, Cy's name displayed in front of him, then unties the waistband of pants before stepping out of them, kicking them off, climbing onto the low mattress. Then he strips off his underwear, choosing to lay on his left side to allow full maneuverability of his right arm—and also to face the projection on the wall so it will pick up his voice clearly.
Reaching for the box, he tucks it up against his stomach for now. ]
I undressed. [... he should be more specific.] Only the lower half.
[Yet it feels strange, almost more vulnerable in just a shirt. He pulls the blanket over his hips, less out of a desire for modesty—no one can see him—but an unplaced sense of needed security.]
I'm lying on my left side, a towel underneath my body. [No he is in fact Not going to tell Cy he pulled a blanket up.] What now?
[The suggestion is followed with quiet hesitation, guided by Cy's voice and its naturally (or since learned) calming effect on him. A clean bathroom towel is placed down. Sasuke projects the Watch's interface onto the wall directly beside the bed, Cy's name displayed in front of him, then unties the waistband of pants before stepping out of them, kicking them off, climbing onto the low mattress. Then he strips off his underwear, choosing to lay on his left side to allow full maneuverability of his right arm—and also to face the projection on the wall so it will pick up his voice clearly.
Reaching for the box, he tucks it up against his stomach for now. ]
I undressed. [... he should be more specific.] Only the lower half.
[Yet it feels strange, almost more vulnerable in just a shirt. He pulls the blanket over his hips, less out of a desire for modesty—no one can see him—but an unplaced sense of needed security.]
I'm lying on my left side, a towel underneath my body. [No he is in fact Not going to tell Cy he pulled a blanket up.] What now?
Okay. Now — this part's up to you. Sometimes it helps to orgasm first. I mentioned that to you before, do you remember? If you want to try, you could jerk yourself off. If you're not feeling it, that's fine. The important thing is just to feel as relaxed as possible.
（ eventually he is going to hold this kid up as like, an example of a perfect sub. just saying. ）
（ eventually he is going to hold this kid up as like, an example of a perfect sub. just saying. ）
[... He should probably be honest.]
I don't think that's going to happen. I can, [a little huff of breath] meditate. I've done that before, but it may not relax me.
[Not when he has Cy's voice in his ear. Without aphro in his system, unfortunately, there are too many mental barriers present for that sort of shamelessness.]
I don't think that's going to happen. I can, [a little huff of breath] meditate. I've done that before, but it may not relax me.
[Not when he has Cy's voice in his ear. Without aphro in his system, unfortunately, there are too many mental barriers present for that sort of shamelessness.]
It's okay, thanks for telling me. Let's not worry about it for now, I'll get you to go slow.
（ communication!! ）
Then, let's pick the toy you wanna use, just so it's in easy reach. The plug's got a slightly larger diameter at its widest point, and the dildo's longer. It'll probably be a bit more prep work to take the plug, but you'd have to be slower with the dildo to start. The main difference at this point is that the plug is more meant to stay inside you, maybe while you jerk off, or you can sit on it and rock your hips, you'll feel it move inside you. The dildo's more of an in-out motion, so it's more like the simulation of penetrative sex.
（ he's seated on his bed as he's talking, eating several day old takeout (the cleaning, clearly, has not stuck), one leg stretched out before him, hair dampened from a recent shower. ）
We're gonna start with your fingers, though. It's a pump bottle so it'll be easier to use one-handed. Lots of lube, really cannot stress that enough. Don't stick anything anywhere just yet, for now just get your fingers plenty lubed up, and start exploring. The point is familiarity, both with the sensation and with your response to it. The — （ he pauses, and then: ） Awkward question while we're already balls deep in this, but do you want me to use the clinical terms or the crass ones? 'Anal sphincter' really has a different vibe than 'asshole'.
（ communication!! ）
Then, let's pick the toy you wanna use, just so it's in easy reach. The plug's got a slightly larger diameter at its widest point, and the dildo's longer. It'll probably be a bit more prep work to take the plug, but you'd have to be slower with the dildo to start. The main difference at this point is that the plug is more meant to stay inside you, maybe while you jerk off, or you can sit on it and rock your hips, you'll feel it move inside you. The dildo's more of an in-out motion, so it's more like the simulation of penetrative sex.
（ he's seated on his bed as he's talking, eating several day old takeout (the cleaning, clearly, has not stuck), one leg stretched out before him, hair dampened from a recent shower. ）
We're gonna start with your fingers, though. It's a pump bottle so it'll be easier to use one-handed. Lots of lube, really cannot stress that enough. Don't stick anything anywhere just yet, for now just get your fingers plenty lubed up, and start exploring. The point is familiarity, both with the sensation and with your response to it. The — （ he pauses, and then: ） Awkward question while we're already balls deep in this, but do you want me to use the clinical terms or the crass ones? 'Anal sphincter' really has a different vibe than 'asshole'.
[can you please slurp your noodles a little quieter while he's going through this life-defining experience]
The dildo.
[A quick, snap judgment. He won't elaborate on why, and he expects Cy won't ask. If he does, Sasuke will have to do some mental gymnastics around the fact that he'd prefer not to outright confess that 'simulated penetrative sex' is his deciding factor.
Except now he has to traverse that second stipulation. In a brief lapse of quiet, Sasuke extracts the necessary items from the box, propping the pump of lubricant against the wall within easy reach, then tucking the dildo itself between his thighs beneath the blanket—a thoughtless, intuitive gesture to get it warmed by his body heat. He once did the same with the injections and medical ointment Kabuto prescribed him.]
It's worse when you use clinical terms. [In another context, once upon a time, he preferred clinical terms. It afforded distance and higher thinking. That is not what he wants here.] Do it the other way.
[Also, so he doesn't have to say that he liked when Cy used crass language before.]
The dildo.
[A quick, snap judgment. He won't elaborate on why, and he expects Cy won't ask. If he does, Sasuke will have to do some mental gymnastics around the fact that he'd prefer not to outright confess that 'simulated penetrative sex' is his deciding factor.
Except now he has to traverse that second stipulation. In a brief lapse of quiet, Sasuke extracts the necessary items from the box, propping the pump of lubricant against the wall within easy reach, then tucking the dildo itself between his thighs beneath the blanket—a thoughtless, intuitive gesture to get it warmed by his body heat. He once did the same with the injections and medical ointment Kabuto prescribed him.]
It's worse when you use clinical terms. [In another context, once upon a time, he preferred clinical terms. It afforded distance and higher thinking. That is not what he wants here.] Do it the other way.
[Also, so he doesn't have to say that he liked when Cy used crass language before.]
Aight.
（ he will not slurp his noodles quieter, actually. ）
So, lube up, fingers around the asshole. Circle it, slow and careful, push against it so you can feel how the ring of muscle resists. Once you're feeling ready — more lube, and when you think you've got enough for the love of little ducks, add more — and then I want you to stick your index finger up your ass. Slowly. Stop whenever you feel uncomfortable. Your body needs to adjust. Close your eyes while you do this, focus on what you're feeling. After you get past the sphincter there's less resistance. Now, future knowledge — when you fuck somebody — especially if both parties are less experienced — once the head of your dick gets past that muscle you can fucking slip all the rest of the way in without meaning to, so you really gotta pay attention to that. That sort of thing can put somebody off anal forever because it can hurt like a bitch if you aren't expecting it. Easiest way to control it's with positioning, either have the penetrating partner on their back and the one taking the dick sitting down on it, or doggy style with a hand on your cock to make sure you don't go too deep too fast.
（ the chatter is a buffer, intentionally given. he noticed sasuke's tendency to hang on his words and use them as an anchor, so he just says whatever is relevant and comes to mind.
around a mouthful of noodles: ）
Where're we at?
（ he will not slurp his noodles quieter, actually. ）
So, lube up, fingers around the asshole. Circle it, slow and careful, push against it so you can feel how the ring of muscle resists. Once you're feeling ready — more lube, and when you think you've got enough for the love of little ducks, add more — and then I want you to stick your index finger up your ass. Slowly. Stop whenever you feel uncomfortable. Your body needs to adjust. Close your eyes while you do this, focus on what you're feeling. After you get past the sphincter there's less resistance. Now, future knowledge — when you fuck somebody — especially if both parties are less experienced — once the head of your dick gets past that muscle you can fucking slip all the rest of the way in without meaning to, so you really gotta pay attention to that. That sort of thing can put somebody off anal forever because it can hurt like a bitch if you aren't expecting it. Easiest way to control it's with positioning, either have the penetrating partner on their back and the one taking the dick sitting down on it, or doggy style with a hand on your cock to make sure you don't go too deep too fast.
（ the chatter is a buffer, intentionally given. he noticed sasuke's tendency to hang on his words and use them as an anchor, so he just says whatever is relevant and comes to mind.
around a mouthful of noodles: ）
Where're we at?
[He decides not to remark on the distinctly audible sound of chewing. It's preferable, in fact. It means Cy isn't paying attention to him—or at least not fully, not with any spotlight of focus that might encourage Sasuke to wither beneath its glare. So he listens instead to the drawling voice, letting it fill his mind even when not all of its content absorbs due to his own distraction.
Setting his teeth, he pumps a liberal dollop of clear lubricant into the palm of his hand, then smears it with callused fingertips, gathering enough that liquid gel drips on the way south beneath the blanket and around his hips. Gratefully, the towel catches any mess.
And then he reaches, wet fingers sliding down the crease of his ass to the tight hole waiting there, ring of muscle unyielding to the first prying probe—so he simply strokes across it in a smear of lube. His breath catches, a flicker across audio.]
Trying. Wait. [Index, Cy said. Yet he uses his thicker middle instead, daring to push his own limits for no reason other than the self-satisfaction of slight disobedience and because he has always been this way. That, and there's something about it, the burn that comes with the first breach of a rough, wet knuckle. Cy won't even know. If he did, what would he say?] I'm pushing the finger in.
[His voice has definitely changed, a little raspy now, a little airless as if he's not taking full breaths.]
It's... [a tight fit, but he's handled far worse. He's been stabbed, beaten, tortured, mutilated. This is nothing.] It's all the way inside.
Setting his teeth, he pumps a liberal dollop of clear lubricant into the palm of his hand, then smears it with callused fingertips, gathering enough that liquid gel drips on the way south beneath the blanket and around his hips. Gratefully, the towel catches any mess.
And then he reaches, wet fingers sliding down the crease of his ass to the tight hole waiting there, ring of muscle unyielding to the first prying probe—so he simply strokes across it in a smear of lube. His breath catches, a flicker across audio.]
Trying. Wait. [Index, Cy said. Yet he uses his thicker middle instead, daring to push his own limits for no reason other than the self-satisfaction of slight disobedience and because he has always been this way. That, and there's something about it, the burn that comes with the first breach of a rough, wet knuckle. Cy won't even know. If he did, what would he say?] I'm pushing the finger in.
[His voice has definitely changed, a little raspy now, a little airless as if he's not taking full breaths.]
It's... [a tight fit, but he's handled far worse. He's been stabbed, beaten, tortured, mutilated. This is nothing.] It's all the way inside.
（ well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, though it would sure as shit earn sasuke a rebuke.
though the distinct, breathless rasp of sasuke's voice does get him to set the food aside at long last, attention sharpened. his cock twitches, and he drops his hand absently against it, not really an intentional stimulation so much as an acknowledgement that he's just a little hot and bothered himself. ）
Good boy.
（ there's warm praise in his voice. ）
You won't be able to hit the prostate comfortably from that angle, so don't worry about that for now. Fuck yourself against your hand. Don't be afraid to move your hips — try to get it deeper, push back on it, just see the angles you can get. Add another finger when you feel you can take it — lube first — and make a scissoring motion so you can stretch yourself out. It'll burn if you try too much too fast, but some people are into that. Trust yourself. I want you to really get into this. Imagine I'm watching you. I want to see you be good for me. Don't hide, don't cover yourself （ how did he know!! ） just show me as you get ready to take my cock.
（ his shiny purple one, so thoughtfully sent on, but. you know. the fantasy stands. ）
though the distinct, breathless rasp of sasuke's voice does get him to set the food aside at long last, attention sharpened. his cock twitches, and he drops his hand absently against it, not really an intentional stimulation so much as an acknowledgement that he's just a little hot and bothered himself. ）
Good boy.
（ there's warm praise in his voice. ）
You won't be able to hit the prostate comfortably from that angle, so don't worry about that for now. Fuck yourself against your hand. Don't be afraid to move your hips — try to get it deeper, push back on it, just see the angles you can get. Add another finger when you feel you can take it — lube first — and make a scissoring motion so you can stretch yourself out. It'll burn if you try too much too fast, but some people are into that. Trust yourself. I want you to really get into this. Imagine I'm watching you. I want to see you be good for me. Don't hide, don't cover yourself （ how did he know!! ） just show me as you get ready to take my cock.
（ his shiny purple one, so thoughtfully sent on, but. you know. the fantasy stands. ）
[The praise lights up in him as he thaws to this act, its newness broken like a seal, pushing his middle finger in as deep as he can take it, drawing it back out, and while Cy talks he's already greased more lube on his hand to return it down, down. Back to the slippery rim of his hole, joining two fingers together in their thicker width, pushing them in with an unrelenting turn of his wrist.
It burns, too much too fast. But he likes it. The sound it elicits is low, straining to be quiet—the walls are thin, here—but unable to conceal the effect it has on him as Cy goes on. Imagine I'm watching you, so he does, eyes closed, the image of Cy looming over him like he had before, a lean dark shadow. Don't hide, and without thinking Sasuke kicks the blanket down his legs obediently in a flutter of fabric; he feels the dildo roll out from between his thighs but he doesn't reach for it yet.]
In, [a gust of breath,] both fingers. It was easy. [If only for his pain tolerance, maybe.] Nnh... Cy, how long like this?
[The stretch is a pleasant ache that he finds himself squirming to satisfy, scissoring as advised, but it's not what he wants. Fingering himself open like this—he's impatient for the next step. I want it, he doesn't know how to say.]
It burns, too much too fast. But he likes it. The sound it elicits is low, straining to be quiet—the walls are thin, here—but unable to conceal the effect it has on him as Cy goes on. Imagine I'm watching you, so he does, eyes closed, the image of Cy looming over him like he had before, a lean dark shadow. Don't hide, and without thinking Sasuke kicks the blanket down his legs obediently in a flutter of fabric; he feels the dildo roll out from between his thighs but he doesn't reach for it yet.]
In, [a gust of breath,] both fingers. It was easy. [If only for his pain tolerance, maybe.] Nnh... Cy, how long like this?
[The stretch is a pleasant ache that he finds himself squirming to satisfy, scissoring as advised, but it's not what he wants. Fingering himself open like this—he's impatient for the next step. I want it, he doesn't know how to say.]
（ well, it's nice to see he's officially 'cy' when the kid's got two fingers up the ass. he keeps that observation to himself, however, and says only — ）
Little impatient over there, huh?
（ with a tolerant, audible fondness. he did hear that rustle of the blanket, but can only guess at its source. ）
You should be good now, just go slow. Clean your hand so you can keep a good grip on the dildo. Lube it up, hand clean again. Then I want you to push the head of it against your asshole — tease yourself a little. Dip the head inside, pull it out. Do that a couple times. Don't go any deeper than a couple inches.
（ he too sounds just a little hoarse. excuse him while he rummages around for a water bottle. there's some rustling on his end of the call, and then: ）
Do you want the next part to hurt or not?
（ like, he fucking sees you, horny little painslut. ）
Little impatient over there, huh?
（ with a tolerant, audible fondness. he did hear that rustle of the blanket, but can only guess at its source. ）
You should be good now, just go slow. Clean your hand so you can keep a good grip on the dildo. Lube it up, hand clean again. Then I want you to push the head of it against your asshole — tease yourself a little. Dip the head inside, pull it out. Do that a couple times. Don't go any deeper than a couple inches.
（ he too sounds just a little hoarse. excuse him while he rummages around for a water bottle. there's some rustling on his end of the call, and then: ）
Do you want the next part to hurt or not?
（ like, he fucking sees you, horny little painslut. ）
[He follows those instructions as told. Withdraws his hand, wipes it off, hunts for the dildo where it has escaped on the bedsheet—more lube, generously (and sloppily in his haste) greased over the shape of the toy. It's slick and shining; he wipes his hand again, lowers it down behind himself, listening to Cy's words, breath now coming out quick and rapid, fluttery...
The blunt head nudges against his hole, then it's eased inside, stretching the tight ring of muscle. The intrusion burns even better than his fingers, though with less give. Out, in again. He's doing this slow enough to see stars behind closed eyelids when Cy asks that question.
Does he want pain? There really is no other answer. Pain is a constant companion in his life, there at his worst and his best moments. The satisfaction of a mastered jutsu. The thrill of a close call. The victory over a strong opponent. The bitter frustration of failure. Companionable, too, because he's shared it—given it, taken it—with all of the people who have ever mattered to him.]
Yes. I want it to hurt.
The blunt head nudges against his hole, then it's eased inside, stretching the tight ring of muscle. The intrusion burns even better than his fingers, though with less give. Out, in again. He's doing this slow enough to see stars behind closed eyelids when Cy asks that question.
Does he want pain? There really is no other answer. Pain is a constant companion in his life, there at his worst and his best moments. The satisfaction of a mastered jutsu. The thrill of a close call. The victory over a strong opponent. The bitter frustration of failure. Companionable, too, because he's shared it—given it, taken it—with all of the people who have ever mattered to him.]
Yes. I want it to hurt.
Edited (tweaks) 2024-01-15 04:08 (UTC)
Okay.
（ that's breathed out, the exhalation deliberately steady. that one statement has gotten him to full flag, the dull ache of an untended cock making him abruptly very, very mindful of what he's doing with his hands.
on his thighs for now, fingers hooked into the fabric of his sweatpants. ）
I need you to understand, what I'm about to say is part of the fantasy. I'm not going to ask you to hurt yourself in a way you can't stand, so I'm going to take it on good faith that you will respect your own limits and mine, and stop if you have to stop. Is that clear? Remember — pineapple and kiwi.
（ he waits for the assent, and once he receives it he continues, voice roughened: ）
Add more lube — you'll be going deeper this time. Then — I want you to take it all, don't stop, don't hesitate. No adjustment period. Breathe through the pain. Take it to the hilt. Talk me through as you do it. I want to know what you're feeling, how fast you go — tell me everything.
（ that's breathed out, the exhalation deliberately steady. that one statement has gotten him to full flag, the dull ache of an untended cock making him abruptly very, very mindful of what he's doing with his hands.
on his thighs for now, fingers hooked into the fabric of his sweatpants. ）
I need you to understand, what I'm about to say is part of the fantasy. I'm not going to ask you to hurt yourself in a way you can't stand, so I'm going to take it on good faith that you will respect your own limits and mine, and stop if you have to stop. Is that clear? Remember — pineapple and kiwi.
（ he waits for the assent, and once he receives it he continues, voice roughened: ）
Add more lube — you'll be going deeper this time. Then — I want you to take it all, don't stop, don't hesitate. No adjustment period. Breathe through the pain. Take it to the hilt. Talk me through as you do it. I want to know what you're feeling, how fast you go — tell me everything.
[He nods, unseen, like he's still imagining Cy in the room with him—but then his assent comes verbally after he realizes. Pineapple and kiwi, absurd as they are, stick in his mind better for it. He doesn't think he'll use them, but now he's beginning to comprehend their whole point. An exit. A way out, if needed. It's strange to have, and there's a part of his mind unconsciously distrustful of it. But it's fine. This much, he can manage.
More lube. The messiest smear yet with gel dripping to the towel, rubbed over the blunt, shiny-purple head of the toy before he presses it against the rim of his hole.]
I'm holding it. It's, hah, a little cold from the lubricant. Wet. Sticky because there's so much. I'm going to put it in. Cy—
[—and there, an inexorable slide, dildo breaching that tight ring of muscle and burying itself deep inside his ass all at once. He can't speak in that instant because the sound that leaves him is high, shattered, an outcry as he's never made between them. Breathe, Cy told him, but it's difficult; he tries and it sounds like he's gasping across the voice call. A dry-sob noise that tapers into quivering inhalations.
His hand is shaking on the hilt of the toy.]
It's... burning—it aches so much, this dull feeling. [The words are glassy, unsteady between breaths.] It feels like a wound, but it's inside of my body. I've never felt it there before.
More lube. The messiest smear yet with gel dripping to the towel, rubbed over the blunt, shiny-purple head of the toy before he presses it against the rim of his hole.]
I'm holding it. It's, hah, a little cold from the lubricant. Wet. Sticky because there's so much. I'm going to put it in. Cy—
[—and there, an inexorable slide, dildo breaching that tight ring of muscle and burying itself deep inside his ass all at once. He can't speak in that instant because the sound that leaves him is high, shattered, an outcry as he's never made between them. Breathe, Cy told him, but it's difficult; he tries and it sounds like he's gasping across the voice call. A dry-sob noise that tapers into quivering inhalations.
His hand is shaking on the hilt of the toy.]
It's... burning—it aches so much, this dull feeling. [The words are glassy, unsteady between breaths.] It feels like a wound, but it's inside of my body. I've never felt it there before.
（ that sound reverberates through him, down to his core. his teeth catch briefly at his bottom lip, but his focus stays on sasuke — ）
Hey, it's okay, sweetheart. Focus on my voice. You did so good, I'm so proud of you. Bet you look like a gorgeous fucking wreck right now, slicked up and fucked open for me.
（ what a fucking vision. ）
Remember that breathing I taught you? Do that for me, okay? Focus on relaxing, don't tense up against the pain. Let it be just another sensation, like the mattress beneath you, like the towel against your hip, sweat slicking your bangs to your forehead, the way the lube gets tacky on your skin. Sink into it, don't fight it, don't be afraid to feel the hurt. I've got you.
Hey, it's okay, sweetheart. Focus on my voice. You did so good, I'm so proud of you. Bet you look like a gorgeous fucking wreck right now, slicked up and fucked open for me.
（ what a fucking vision. ）
Remember that breathing I taught you? Do that for me, okay? Focus on relaxing, don't tense up against the pain. Let it be just another sensation, like the mattress beneath you, like the towel against your hip, sweat slicking your bangs to your forehead, the way the lube gets tacky on your skin. Sink into it, don't fight it, don't be afraid to feel the hurt. I've got you.
[The reminder helps, tethering him to the moment, working to make room for the ripples of pain that ride through his body. Breathing by a count of four, four, four. As relaxation comes, so does that emptiness of thought—and his breath is slower but stuttered, damply rasping, as he listens to Cy's words. Calmed like a cat under a hand.
It's not how he's worked through injuries in the past; those were borne with gritted teeth, distraction, adrenaline, and the presence of mind to move forward toward a goal. This allows him to revel in it, the sear of the stretch as he's filled by the dildo still unmoved in his hand.]
I know. Cyram. It's okay. [Sensations: the scratchy towel, the sticky gel, the sweat, the bedsheet. He realizes he's rolled partially over onto his stomach. His cock is hard, and he feels it pressed chafing to the mattress, but he doesn't move.] It's just—a lot.
[The pain becomes a continual, pulsing throb at that point where the toy has slid in to the hilt and remains in stasis.]
But better imagining that it's you.
It's not how he's worked through injuries in the past; those were borne with gritted teeth, distraction, adrenaline, and the presence of mind to move forward toward a goal. This allows him to revel in it, the sear of the stretch as he's filled by the dildo still unmoved in his hand.]
I know. Cyram. It's okay. [Sensations: the scratchy towel, the sticky gel, the sweat, the bedsheet. He realizes he's rolled partially over onto his stomach. His cock is hard, and he feels it pressed chafing to the mattress, but he doesn't move.] It's just—a lot.
[The pain becomes a continual, pulsing throb at that point where the toy has slid in to the hilt and remains in stasis.]
But better imagining that it's you.
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