（ he leans in close, hooks a finger in between the collar and sasuke's throat and silences him with a kiss. it starts slow and gains heat, and then cy nips at him when he draws back enough to speak. ）
Shh. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind to yourself, Sasuke. Not who you were, not who you are, not who you might have been. Be nice.
（ he'll literally dom you into it. literally. ）
There's no version of you that doesn't deserve my attention, respect, or love.
[The way it might actually be effective to be dommed into self-love...]
Sorry. [The apology is reactive. He is trying — but habits are not changed overnight.] I wasn't thinking when I spoke.
[A bit chastised, though soothed by the kiss that leaves him unable to look anywhere but at Cy's mouth. When he swallows, he can feel where Cy's finger is wedged between his throat and the collar, and he leans slightly away, testing the resistance where he's held.]
I don't want to imagine any version of myself that isn't with you.
（ the apology is accepted with another, gentler kiss pressed against the corner of his mouth like a punctuation mark to the statement. ）
It's okay. It takes time to learn how to give yourself the grace you'd offer anyone else. Easy to judge ourselves by our darkest thoughts and others by their kindest actions, you know?
（ another slow, sweet rock to his hips. he's not trying to drive sasuke wild on purpose, it's more just — the intimacy and connection is a fulcrum to the nature of their conversation. something to cleave to when the mind strays. ）
Not that I don't dig the sentiment — because I do — but I'd prefer to think there are other people who could make you happy out there in the universe, too. You'll break my heart otherwise, huh?
Is that what comes to him when Cy says there are other people out in the universe who could make him happy? That adamant, livid no resonates in his mind alongside a needle of dread and uncertainty, wondering whether Cy feels what he feels. If he did, why would he make such the suggestion of other people? But then it's unfair, because Cy is accustomed to moving on from dead lovers. Of course this would not be so intense for him. Of course he wouldn't feel as deeply. Sasuke is the one who is cursed to be this way. Cy is right, because he's found those others for himself over the course of thousands of years. Sasuke is one of many, a temporary blip across eternity.
... He stops, takes a shuddering breath — because it almost seems like the influence of the suit has acted upon him with how his mind spirals in an unwarranted direction. It does help to have Cy inside of him, brought back to the physical moment and reminded of that closeness. The difficulty shows on his face, brow forming a pinched line.]
Yeah.
[He doesn't know what he's answering, but it feels right to make some sound of acknowledgment before he squeezes his legs tighter around Cy's waist and tries to — release his mind altogether, rocking hips, attempting to fuck himself down onto Cy's cock with more dedicated urgency.]
[He licks his lips after that kiss, eyes downcast. No and nothing happened are the first impulsive answers — but he can't lie to Cy. It would be so blatant.]
I don't think you would like it.
[They weren't charitable thoughts, and he's reluctant to bring them into a conversation, as if it will make them real. Yet they've had enough discussions for Sasuke to be less resistant.]
[It isn't the first time his worse thoughts have been dragged to light between them, and while it is easier with practice, he doesn't dread it any less. They have had difficult conversations — and Sasuke is aware they are most often his own doing. There is that paranoid, damaged state of mind wondering when it will be too much, when he will drive Cy from him.
Against that is everything else. Persephone, and sharing the memory of his home, and every reassurance Cy has gently massaged into him just like those physical hands on his body now. Carefully, Sasuke moves to ease himself from Cy's lap only far enough to pull slicky off — he doesn't try to move away, but he doubts this will be a quick conversation.
It takes a while to actually speak.]
Your response felt... as though it would matter less to you if I loved someone else than how much it would matter to me if the situation was reversed. Then, I thought it made sense, because you've been with countless others. I'm one of the same. [A deep insecurity, welling up again.] I know it's unfair. I don't think that I believe that, but it was how I felt when you said that there were other people out there, at first.
（ he lets sasuke move, helps him with it and is gratified when he doesn't try to put any significant distance between them. one hand falls to the boy's wrist and he strokes his thumb against it, a little see-saw of perpetual motion. he's patient, waiting for the words to come. sasuke has always conquered himself before, and cy's in no hurry to drag it out of him now. this, too, is progress.
when he does take that step, cy makes a soft hm of noise, and then lets his focus capture that point of contact between them a long moment.
at length himself — ）
I can see how it would feel that way.
（ he leans in, butts his head against sasuke's like an overly affectionate cat. it's here, lingering close like the kiss of sweet perfume, that he speaks again — ）
It's not that it wouldn't matter. It's that I can separate my own feelings for you from the desire for you to have the love you deserve in life. I would rather see you beloved of a thousand other souls than desperate and lonely in any universe. But I do recognize that there's an element there of me ignoring your own agency, too, so you're not wrong to feel how you did about what I said. It just hurts me to think of you being alone.
（ that nearness affords him the opportunity to graze his teeth against sasuke's collarbone. ）
But since we're talking in theoreticals — if it was up to me, I'd have you across every universe and in every time. And I'd love you if you were a worm. （ that's said, suffused with playfulness. ） Earth joke. Go with it.
[It's too natural for him to fixate. Cy's words only prove that no one else would treat him this way — would be so loving, so patient, so open-minded. Part of that, Sasuke understands, is the experience Cy wields in the same hand as his identity, because he has been forged by the millennia that have come to pass.
Cy doesn't want him to be lonely; Sasuke would rather be lonely than fill that void. He would have to lose all memory of Cy not to suffer permanently from that separation. He has been altered too deeply. As teeth find a gentle spot on his collar, he leans in, returning the nudge with his own head.]
I'm not alone anymore. [Not right now, here.] You changed that.
[The comment on him being a worm earns — a soft, huffed laugh, withdrawing slightly just to peer at Cy dubiously.]
It isn't necessarily a theoretical. I have an ability, though I haven't been able to access it in these dimensions for obvious reasons. But it allows me to travel between places. So, [his hand turns over, laying atop Cy's] if you end up somewhere else, I'll find a way to follow you.
（ there's a breath of laughter, and then cy leans in to kiss him with an aggressive sort of playfulness, bending him backwards like someone chasing a cat that isn't quite convinced it wants to be petted but isn't actively trying to escape. ）
I really had to untangle my brain there for a sec, because I absolutely thought you meant being a worm wasn't a theoretical.
[Just for the sake of it, he puts on a show of resistance — craning away without any intent to actually escape the kiss, or the arms that hold him. It is a playfulness that still often surprises him, perhaps more so for how easy it is to return.]
You're ridiculous.
[Yet his face is warm, and there is an undeniable softness to the words on the hinge of that affectionate declaration. I love you. He could hear it for the rest of his life and it would never become tired.]
(fade to marathon sex + collars + probably sasuke crying again)
Oh yeah? And yet you're still here, so what does that make you?
（ cy rubs their noses together with an aggressively playful motion, and then he hooks his hands under sasuke's thighs, pulling him back into the ease of his embrace. ）
C'mon, sweetheart. The collar ain't properly christened until I paint your guts while you moan like a wanton whore.
（ he nips at the boy's jaw, one hand exploring his chest, rolling a nipple between thumb and forefinger. ）
If you can walk in a straight line tomorrow it'll be a personal failing of mine, actually, so let's get a head start to spare my ego.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Shh. It doesn't cost you anything to be kind to yourself, Sasuke. Not who you were, not who you are, not who you might have been. Be nice.
（ he'll literally dom you into it. literally. ）
There's no version of you that doesn't deserve my attention, respect, or love.
no subject
Sorry. [The apology is reactive. He is trying — but habits are not changed overnight.] I wasn't thinking when I spoke.
[A bit chastised, though soothed by the kiss that leaves him unable to look anywhere but at Cy's mouth. When he swallows, he can feel where Cy's finger is wedged between his throat and the collar, and he leans slightly away, testing the resistance where he's held.]
I don't want to imagine any version of myself that isn't with you.
no subject
It's okay. It takes time to learn how to give yourself the grace you'd offer anyone else. Easy to judge ourselves by our darkest thoughts and others by their kindest actions, you know?
（ another slow, sweet rock to his hips. he's not trying to drive sasuke wild on purpose, it's more just — the intimacy and connection is a fulcrum to the nature of their conversation. something to cleave to when the mind strays. ）
Not that I don't dig the sentiment — because I do — but I'd prefer to think there are other people who could make you happy out there in the universe, too. You'll break my heart otherwise, huh?
no subject
Is that what comes to him when Cy says there are other people out in the universe who could make him happy? That adamant, livid no resonates in his mind alongside a needle of dread and uncertainty, wondering whether Cy feels what he feels. If he did, why would he make such the suggestion of other people? But then it's unfair, because Cy is accustomed to moving on from dead lovers. Of course this would not be so intense for him. Of course he wouldn't feel as deeply. Sasuke is the one who is cursed to be this way. Cy is right, because he's found those others for himself over the course of thousands of years. Sasuke is one of many, a temporary blip across eternity.
... He stops, takes a shuddering breath — because it almost seems like the influence of the suit has acted upon him with how his mind spirals in an unwarranted direction. It does help to have Cy inside of him, brought back to the physical moment and reminded of that closeness. The difficulty shows on his face, brow forming a pinched line.]
Yeah.
[He doesn't know what he's answering, but it feels right to make some sound of acknowledgment before he squeezes his legs tighter around Cy's waist and tries to — release his mind altogether, rocking hips, attempting to fuck himself down onto Cy's cock with more dedicated urgency.]
no subject
another soft kiss captures his lips, and cy licks into his mouth with unhurried ownership. dragging it out, until — ）
Hey, before we continue. You wanna talk about what just set you off there?
no subject
I don't think you would like it.
[They weren't charitable thoughts, and he's reluctant to bring them into a conversation, as if it will make them real. Yet they've had enough discussions for Sasuke to be less resistant.]
It wasn't rational.
no subject
( it's said gently, and he slips his left hand up along the strong muscles of sasuke's back, digging in wherever he finds it knotted with tension. )
And it doesn't have to be rational. What's up?
no subject
Against that is everything else. Persephone, and sharing the memory of his home, and every reassurance Cy has gently massaged into him just like those physical hands on his body now. Carefully, Sasuke moves to ease himself from Cy's lap only far enough to pull slicky off — he doesn't try to move away, but he doubts this will be a quick conversation.
It takes a while to actually speak.]
Your response felt... as though it would matter less to you if I loved someone else than how much it would matter to me if the situation was reversed. Then, I thought it made sense, because you've been with countless others. I'm one of the same. [A deep insecurity, welling up again.] I know it's unfair. I don't think that I believe that, but it was how I felt when you said that there were other people out there, at first.
no subject
when he does take that step, cy makes a soft hm of noise, and then lets his focus capture that point of contact between them a long moment.
at length himself — ）
I can see how it would feel that way.
（ he leans in, butts his head against sasuke's like an overly affectionate cat. it's here, lingering close like the kiss of sweet perfume, that he speaks again — ）
It's not that it wouldn't matter. It's that I can separate my own feelings for you from the desire for you to have the love you deserve in life. I would rather see you beloved of a thousand other souls than desperate and lonely in any universe. But I do recognize that there's an element there of me ignoring your own agency, too, so you're not wrong to feel how you did about what I said. It just hurts me to think of you being alone.
（ that nearness affords him the opportunity to graze his teeth against sasuke's collarbone. ）
But since we're talking in theoreticals — if it was up to me, I'd have you across every universe and in every time. And I'd love you if you were a worm. （ that's said, suffused with playfulness. ） Earth joke. Go with it.
no subject
Cy doesn't want him to be lonely; Sasuke would rather be lonely than fill that void. He would have to lose all memory of Cy not to suffer permanently from that separation. He has been altered too deeply. As teeth find a gentle spot on his collar, he leans in, returning the nudge with his own head.]
I'm not alone anymore. [Not right now, here.] You changed that.
[The comment on him being a worm earns — a soft, huffed laugh, withdrawing slightly just to peer at Cy dubiously.]
It isn't necessarily a theoretical. I have an ability, though I haven't been able to access it in these dimensions for obvious reasons. But it allows me to travel between places. So, [his hand turns over, laying atop Cy's] if you end up somewhere else, I'll find a way to follow you.
no subject
I really had to untangle my brain there for a sec, because I absolutely thought you meant being a worm wasn't a theoretical.
（ language is funny like that. ）
Then follow me. I love you.
no subject
You're ridiculous.
[Yet his face is warm, and there is an undeniable softness to the words on the hinge of that affectionate declaration. I love you. He could hear it for the rest of his life and it would never become tired.]
(fade to marathon sex + collars + probably sasuke crying again)
（ cy rubs their noses together with an aggressively playful motion, and then he hooks his hands under sasuke's thighs, pulling him back into the ease of his embrace. ）
C'mon, sweetheart. The collar ain't properly christened until I paint your guts while you moan like a wanton whore.
（ he nips at the boy's jaw, one hand exploring his chest, rolling a nipple between thumb and forefinger. ）
If you can walk in a straight line tomorrow it'll be a personal failing of mine, actually, so let's get a head start to spare my ego.