（ sasuke kisses his fingers, and he brushes a soft touch against his cheek, just — luxuriating in the touch, the nearness. the scene is not daunting in and of itself — truly, having a safe space to play out darker fantasies settles an itch in his brain he tends to just ignore, or downplay. it isn't often he meets someone who can take all of him unflinching. the possibility of having met and forgotten such people is, of course, always there — in the back of his mind like a raw nerve. one day, sasuke will similarly slip from the annals of anamnesis. but he likes to think that there will be something he will hold onto, the way he clings to the few and precious recollections from auhle's life, from his years with tak, from time burnished across worlds and filtered through the stained glass of an impossible reckoning.
his thumb traces sasuke's bottom lip, swollen with where he'd bitten it earlier, and he lets himself sink back into arousal. into the scaffolding of the scenario laid out between them. to be a brutal warlord is nothing new to him, nor is the act of bending others to his will. but he knows, rationally, that it's not just him driving it forward. pushing it on someone who's agreed out of fear of consequence. sasuke enjoys it, asks for it, participates so beautifully beneath his touch — his control is surrendered, not taken.
and it's enough. it's enough that the lust crawls back, and his cock stiffens in the furrowed grasp of his left hand, and when he's ready: ）
Okay. （ a soft exhale. he lifts his gaze and meets sasuke's eyes, mismatched and all the more uniquely beautiful for it. there's a soft brush of his fingertips against his cheek, smudging tears. then: ） Taenarum.
（ it's a door. he just has to step through it and the mask comes down — his expression shifts from that soft, cracked-open vulnerability to something riven by conquering cruelty. he takes sasuke by the wrist and pins his hand flat against the bed, knocking his thighs apart to kneel between them. he speaks, then — but whatever he says is a string of profanity that does not survive in the space between speech and the sundered sear of a damaged mind. he does not think of eska, and shores up the wall between who he has chosen to be and what he was made — he can feel kulo vayn shift restlessly behind it, but he can block it out. sasuke's given him that strength.
what he is aware of is the tight, slick heat of sasuke's cunt as he pulls the boy by one hip to meet him. the way his cock sinks into him, the way that even in this form sasuke feels made to take him in. the dildo juts against the back vaginal wall, he can feel the unyielding penetration of silicone so acutely that it's almost ruinous, leaving him awash in a purely animal sensation. it becomes a thing marshalled only because he has the experience to focus elsewhere. in this case on the shifting muscle of sasuke's forearm as he feels him tense beneath him, the way unshed tears catch light in his eyelashes. cy seats himself fully in a ruthless drive, his other hand falling to brace against the mattress near sasuke's head.
this time, cy kisses him with no trace of tenderness, and then murmurs in his ear: ）
Dark hair, beautiful eyes. （ it's a callback that sasuke should recognize, the first time they'd done something like this together — albeit in genjutsu. ） Life will take root in your body, （ a brief lift of his hand, palm stroking down sasuke's abdomen to knead into the flesh where a child would grow. ） and you'll grit your teeth against that indignity too, won't you? You'll be my woman, my whore — the mother of my children. My war prize — forever.
[He witnesses that shift between who Cy is and the role he's playing now — a seamless transition, done with the practiced discipline of someone who has lived too long, moving between worlds, learning new cultures and new languages and people. It paves a way for himself to do the same, even if his own attempt is a little rougher, a little more awkward. The tears can be excused as a response to pain when he's first pushed into, Cy's cock filling him in that perfect, ruthless slide disallowing him even the space to breathe between the crush of their bodies. Sasuke's inexperience at this roleplay, when they were removed briefly from the scene, means that at first he elicits a moan of pure and gratified pleasure — only to catch it and grind his teeth over the sound, letting it collapse into a whine that strangles in his throat.
Yet it's so much more than he expects to feel, that dual penetration of both Cy's cock and the toy buried deep in his ass, held in place by the coin knot fixed around his hips. He fights it, because this is meant to be an unwilling act, but he does it with the awareness that the battle is lost — that this is a step over a line that cannot be undone. Heels dig into the bed and he thrashes in a poor attempt to kick the man off of him, weakened after suffering two orgasms and the fatigue of continued ruthlessness.
Sasuke's mouth is pliant in the kiss, neither returning nor resisting the intimate seal of lips. And he does recognize what Cy says to him, that shadow of a fantasy he desperately wants as a whole and realized future, blurred at the edges now by the context of this scene. Cy will find his cunt no less wet for the hard push of penetration, even as he can't seem to relax around the man's cock, those hot interior walls maintaining a tight, involuntary clench between competing sensations in two holes.]
Not — forever. [A tiny spark of defiance, even as he moans again at the caress of that hand low on his belly.] You'll... tire of me one day. [As if trying to convince himself, and noticeably not a remark of his own wants.] Until then, I'll — bear with this. You'll never have the satisfaction of... breaking me.
'making sasuke participate in his own torment is my kink' - cy, ten k years and a half
（ there's a soft, amused laugh as cy lets sasuke's hand go so he can straighten up — knees splayed to either side of the boy's hips. it's a simple thing to grab sasuke and haul him closer, forcing his pelvis into an accessible angle to spear him directly on his cock. this slight elevation leaves his shoulders pressed into the mattress, breasts a heavy spill towards his collarbones that tightens the chain in a livewire of silver and red. cy fucks into him languidly, though not deeply enough to satisfy, enjoying the vivid pressure and impossible heat of him — but he doesn't want to come like this. it's easy, and not nearly as satisfying as other possibilities he could entertain.
he hooks two fingers in the d-ring of the collar at sasuke's throat and uses it to bodily pull him upwards until he's sitting in the furrow between cy's spread thighs, dragged back onto his cock without reprieve. now, his own weight works against him — if he tries to resist or fight, cy will put his hands on sasuke's hips and force him down. their bodies are nested close, wetly sealed — of a similar enough height like this that he can lean in and claim another kiss. ）
Breaking you isn't what would satisfy me. Most people break across a long enough timeline.
（ he tugs at the chain where it hangs against the boy's sternum until it pulls at his nipples. then: ）
Ride me until I come inside you. You're strong enough for that, right?
[It's impossible to deny the strength that hauls him upright, pressure around his throat where the collar digs in — and the position change is difficult, putting his weight on his own knees between Cy's legs, keeping them narrow enough that there's little alleviation from tight penetration. Even when he fights back, tries to drag his body away, Cy pulls him back with that iron hold on his hips and forces him down, feeling the drag of slick friction as his cunt is filled.
A sob breaks out of him; his eyes are still wet from earlier emotion, but he sees no reason to suppress those tears in the moment now. The kiss, the yank at the sore and reddened peaks of nipples — all of these physical sensations work to sunder him, resistance made arbitrary, protest worn down.
Of course he's strong enough. It's a question that doesn't need to be asked, but is asked anyway as if to make it a challenge, some benchmark he must rise to meet. His right hand finds a place for balance on Cy's knee, and then — he does as he is made to do. He rocks his body down, thighs rigid with tension for the effort of keeping the position, and rides the man's cock — humiliating for the way it causes him to participate in this act, as if it is mutual and not coerced. He's so wet after orgasm there's almost no burn to the rhythm of desperate fucking, but it is the stretch that aches, that makes him feel so full he can't breathe properly, the way Cy's cock shoves in at this angle enough to jostle the dildo plugged in his ass. He is soon gasping with the effort, face blotchy with crying.]
（ he leans back on his hands, giving the impression of an observer rather than an active participant. sasuke does as he's bidden, and cy is — arrested, a slave to the beauty of his obedience. there have been a handful of people in his long, long life that have brought him to a sense of home, that belonging. a handful of people who have given him an opportunity to live the most enduring of his fantasies: having someone to wake up next to. but none of them, no matter how fierce that love, have filled out his negative spaces quite like sasuke.
he doesn't tire of the sight — how could he? — but eventually, he manoeuvres sasuke into something that more closely resembles the lotus position. it's one of their favourites, and oft used for the nearness and intimacy, the enforced closeness and the heat of it. sasuke's body feels like a sear pinned along the leylines of his body, hot where cy has meted out his various abuses. red marks are darkening to bruises, leaving his skin a latticework of pain both offered and accepted.
christ aloud, this kid is a work of art. and perhaps that worship shows on his face and perhaps it doesn't. he hooks his thumbs in the rope that encircles sasuke's hips, keeping him captive to the intrusion of the dildo and holds him in place as he rocks his hips upwards into him in a slow roll. time is immaterial. he doesn't have any idea if he fucks him for an hour or an instant, only that when he comes it's heralded by the lift of his arms, pulling sasuke in against him violently. ）
[As soon as they're arranged into the lotus position, there's a — slight fracture to the scene, a hiccup of intimacy that is difficult to weather against the role of unwillingness he's meant to be playing. A crack in his expression, a touch of softness when he feels Cy's body flex against him in that telling way. He knows this man well enough by now that he can chart out these reactions, subtle as they often are in Cy — how he's held tighter, strong hands at his hips keeping him pinned in place for a deeper, harder thrust. The quickening of breath, quiet but frayed in places with reciprocated pleasure. Cy is no less precise, no less brutal in the rhythm of their joined bodies, but it's just a little uneven, just a little heavier. It wouldn't be the first time that Sasuke's hips have come away bruised from the very moment of Cy's orgasms alone.
And when it happens, Sasuke only shifts so his legs can circle around the man's waist, crossing his ankles in a stubborn seal. He rests his head down against Cy's shoulder — in a way meant to conceal his face because they haven't said the word to conclude the scene yet, but he knows his own acting won't hold up to the look he makes, feeling Cy's cock begin to soften inside of him, knowing he's been filled with the man's come in a body that could take it and produce a child. He refuses to lose this moment; the tight clench of his thighs says so.]
（ elysium is not so far — but he doesn't say it yet. instead, with a slouch, he kisses a line across sasuke's collarbone, down to his chest. he laves at the angry red welts left by the caning, and then: ）
From this point on, your only purpose is this.
（ he curls his hand in sasuke's long, heavy braid and forces him to arch his back, to bare his breasts on offer as cy presses his mouth against one nipple. ）
As a slave, you're no longer permitted to wear clothing. My want of you will become the highest calling of your life. If I want to fuck you, your sole duty is to offer a hole. But I'll beat you less when you're carrying my child — so your life will be easier as you accept your fate as a vessel for me.
（ that's said with another faint upwards lift of his hips — his cock is soft and spent inside sasuke's cunt, but the pressure still punctuates the threat. ）
Once you're pregnant, I want to call a war council. You have a lot of enemies, Uchiha — and I'll make sure every one of them is in the room as I lay you out on the table, belly swollen, breasts leaking milk — I'm going to fuck you in front of them so there will never be any question of your ownership. Of who it was that finally, finally took you down.
（ his cheeks hollow out in a slow suck to one nipple, and he lets his teeth catch on the piercing before he leans back. he takes sasuke's chin in his hand and forces him to look at him. ）
If you're cold, you need to take a cock before I'll permit you a blanket. If you're hungry, your first act will be to suck me off and swallow before I'll allow you a meal. （ and perhaps it's their last trip to a room like this that makes him add: ） And you'll ask me before you use the bathroom. I'll make you hold it until you're weeping and thrashing in misery, every time.
But — （ an almost simulated tenderness follows, his tone low as he settles his right hand between them, petting low on sasuke's belly. imagining a child there is a fantasy that goes beyond this scene of conquering and coercion. beyond the pain and the rape and the debasement — because it's something they both do want. there is no reality he wants more for them both, the idea of sasuke electing to take a female form solely to carry his child... he cannot imagine a greater act of love than that. and if they can only have it in their minds, in their fantasies, it will be enough for now. ） it's not so bad, having every aspect of your life controlled — you might even find you like the lack of autonomy. It's so easy to live when someone owns you, body and soul. You won't have to make difficult decisions. You won't be faced with life or death battles. You'll exist within the sensations I give you, within the pain with which I purify your body, within the complexities of pregnancy, and you'll be mine until you die.
[The words run a river of obscenity over him, denigration framed in the context of the scene even as it leaks and bleeds into his sense of belonging, his desire to be possessed — all of the awful, ruinous ways Cy describes his lack of autonomy only carrying him further to a sense of mindlessness and contentment. He imagines all of it, even as his scalp burns from the yank at the heavy braid and his nipple aches from the tease of teeth at one tender piercing. Cy's hand on his belly is a very real echo of their mutual fantasy. Though the scene paints this in a forceful, humiliating light of conquest, he finds his own lust building to a height of acute intensity — being subjugated against his will, being made to exist only for this man and this man alone. To have his children. To be owned until he dies.
He can feel where Cy's cock has softened within the folds of his cunt, but it doesn't prevent a sort of harder crush when he rolls his own hips, bidden by the movement Cy initiates. Rather than the rhythmic drag of thrusts, he grinds himself in shallower motions, until it's clear what he is doing — rubbing a swollen, sorely abused clit against Cy's pelvic bone for slick friction and pressure. His mouth hangs open, panting, face messy with tears and drool and long-dried come from earlier, strands of dark hair stuck to the sharp bone of one cheek. On display like this with a strong hand cupped under his chin, he is made to meet Cy's eyes — his own glassy with tears, hazy in the wash of mixed pleasure and pain.]
Fine, [is the low, rasping agreement that slips loose.] Then own me.
[Please is what his body says separately, dragging out another orgasm though it feels almost painful to come again like this, drape of jewelry glinting in the light on his pale skin, full breasts swaying gently with the movement of his hips. It tears through him on a deep and shuddering torrent, and this time when he's spent he collapses against Cy with no more will to hold himself upright.]
（ sasuke ruts against him for the thrill of new pleasures, and when he comes it's like his whole body clenches like a livewire, the slick walls of his cunt contracting with an intensity that stirs his cock half-hard. then own me, sasuke says, and cy's response is to say, i will in japanese and lets the boy ride through the defiant clutch of orgasm.
cy just holds him, taking his weight without complaint, letting the cruelty of his touch abate. he nuzzles at sasuke's cheek, and then tucks the boy against his shoulder and cradles him like some precious thing. there's more he could say, more they could do — but that's as grand a denouement as he can imagine, and so there's a murmur at sasuke's ear intended to carry them out of the scene: elysium.
then: ）
Keep your legs around me. I'm going to carry you to the shower, okay? I just want to stay inside you a bit longer. （ a flick of his hand teleports the medical bag he'd brought along to the bathroom ahead of him, and then he gathers sasuke up and slips from the bed, petting his long hair all the more tenderly now that it's permissible. ）
Sweetheart, you were incredible. Everything you did, everything you said. You're the most perfect, beautiful man. I love you.
[It feels like an emotional break as soon as Cy says the word — and perhaps it would be more intense if they hadn't taken a moment earlier to reorient themselves, but he still finds himself boneless in Cy's hold. The little touches are significant, soft across tender spots where the hurt is made brighter in the aftermath of pleasure, adrenaline cooling.
His right arm fixes itself around Cy's shoulders and his legs remain a tight circle, ankles crossed. Cy picks him up like it's nothing, though it brings awareness to where they're still joined — slick and wet and impossibly intimate when no longer a matter of urgency.]
I feel the same. [His voice is a whisper, damp from crying. He sniffs, rubbing his cheek against Cy's shoulder.] I love you. [A hum.] It feels so easy to say that now. I love you.
Ah, that's just 'cause I wore you down with my irrepressible charm and savoir-faire.
（ he turns to press his mouth down against sasuke's hair, and shifts his weight a little so he can open the door. inside, he beelines for the shower and makes a soft hum of sound as he turns the water on, waiting for it to warm, stealing kisses in the lull as steam begins to fill the air.
the shower is a relatively plain thing, just a corner nook — but it does have a bench opposite the shower nozzle. as much as he wants to sit down on it with sasuke in his lap and just — hold him until he can get hard again, fuck him through the slick mess of come and arousal, instead he gently lifts sasuke off his cock and sets him down, kneeling between the splay of his thighs. the water is angled to mostly hit him, but he'd made it hot on purpose — enough that someone with a higher-than-natural body temperature, and someone so strongly aligned to fire can still sink into relaxation. ）
Piercings first, then I'll take the dildo out. Give me a run-down of how you're feeling. Anything I need to do or say, anywhere it hurts more that I should look at?
（ his hands lift, gently working the piercing free of first one breast, and then the other. he'll clean and disinfect them properly once they're done here, but for now he leans in to press gentler kisses against abused flesh. ）
[There's a pointed eyeroll made to that comment — softened by the slight crook of a smile at his lips as Cy carries them into the shower. His breath hitches when Cy pulls loose from his body, then sets him down beneath the hot spray of water, coaxing muscles to ease beneath the plumes of steam and meeting his mouth with kisses.
Cy's instructions are absorbed, and it's easier first to address his physical state than his emotional one, which isn't so surprising.]
Mm. Between my legs... [There's no protest as the piercings are undone from his breasts, but the one further down — Sasuke can't quite convince himself to open his thighs. It has less to do with keeping Cy's come inside of him (which is almost compulsory by now) and more to do the throbbing pain from tender, pierced flesh just above a sensitive clit.] It isn't unbearable, but I can't focus on much else except — that it hurts.
[Like a distracted thought, unwilling to leave his head.]
（ there's a coaxing pet to sasuke's thighs, and after a moment's reluctant resistance the boy does as he's asked. his thighs are marked and bruised, presses from his fingers or from ropework or from the cane — and cy kisses at the ones within easy reach as he works upwards towards the boy's pelvis. once he's there: ）
Put your hand in my hair. You can pull if it hurts.
（ he nuzzles against the soft skin of sasuke's inner thigh, stubble scraping against him, and then — gently, deftly — he undoes this piercing as well, pulling the thin metal from beneath the nerve as easy as breathing. ）
I almost tapped out of the scene just looking at your pretty cunt, the way you looked wearing my piercings. I wanted to put my mouth on you so badly.
（ a soft kiss is pressed against the sparse triangle of hair, dampened with arousal and with faint droplets of water that ricochet from cy's broad shoulders. he pets his thumbs along the folds of sasuke's pussy, pausing to push a tacky line of come into his cunt, as if one element of the scene, at least, has carried over here. another kiss is pressed against the trapped fold of his labia, first the left and then the right. given that they haven't done much with him in this female form, it's the first time he's really been afforded the luxury of taking something slow. ）
May I? Not to get you off, （ he knows sasuke would try for him, but it's not necessary for him to enjoy the act, which he elaborates on: ） just to taste you. Just to touch you.
[Obediently his hand slips into Cy's hair, combing back wet strands in a meditative touch meant more for physical connection and intimacy than anything overtly sexual. There's a sharp intake of breath when Cy reaches the piercing, but the pain is negligible, removed so deftly only a spark of discomfort is felt across sensitive nerve-ends. Sasuke exhales — as he was once taught, those slow and steady cycles of breath meant to calm the body as much as the mind, arousal stirring at Cy's words though it is dimmed to embers rather than wild, burning flames.]
Yeah. [A nod to that question, flushed cheeks easily disguised by the heat of the shower. He almost feels more self-conscious in this form while they're not having sex — it's an adjustment outside of a distinct purpose. He hasn't spent much time at all in it so casually.] I don't know if I could even... get off another time.
[It seems dizzying, the number of orgasms Cy had wrung out of him over the course of the scene.]
Hah— [air escapes his lips, soft and fluttering. He shifts, aware of the dildo still lodged inside of him as Cy strokes his cunt, kisses tender skin, folds still wet and slippery when parted, making Sasuke squirm as a tacky drip of come is pushed by back into his hole.] Cy...
（ he ducks briefly first, settling sasuke's thighs over his shoulders rather than levered apart by them, and then just starts lapping at him gently. as promised, his touch is not inherently sexual save for the obvious connotations of oral, but — it's more exploratory, almost cleansing. he slips a finger inside him as he does it, angled away from the pressure of the dildo. as with the gentle laving of his tongue, this too is not done with deliberacy towards arousal. it's more — indicating the desire to be inside him however possible, and the possessiveness and love that accompanies the act.
he stays there, on his knees on wet tile, until he can only taste himself between sasuke's legs — and that's when he leans back a little, pressing his mouth against the boy's inner thigh. he pulls his finger loose with some reluctance, licking it clean well within sasuke's field of vision. then: ）
Few ways I can take the dildo out. Either you can lie back on the bench and I can do it from here, or I can put you over my knee like I do when I spank you and do it that way, or I can get you to kneel on the tile and lean over the bench and do it like that. What do you want, sweetheart?
（ he's already reaching to undo the ties of the crotch rope anyway — tossing the wet mess into a corner of the shower. ）
[Self-consciousness creeps up on him, though it never lingers too long around Cy these days — but it's there for a moment, smoldering low as Cy pays such acute attention to the space between his legs, licking away the tacky dampness of arousal responsive simply to direct stimulation. He can't help it, but gratefully his body is spent enough that the slow build toward sexual interest is more muted, staved off as Cy laps at his cunt, finger stroking gently at that soft inner channel.
Heat pools through his body, intensified as he watches Cy surface from between his legs, mouth wet and messy as he cleans off a finger. Then he's speaking; Sasuke has to focus in order to hear and understand it.]
I'll lie back. [For a reason voiced in the next moment—] I want to be able to see you.
[This, too, is less for any sexual desire than the crave for intimacy, to be close to Cy's face, to have his eyes. As the minutes go on, he's more cognizant of his own emotional state — and the fragile clinginess that surfaces as a result of every vulnerability he's displayed over the course of the scene. Normally there would be an urge to suppress it, to push down that sentiment for its weakness, but Cy has taught him better to open himself and yield to it instead. Yet there is still discomfort to contend with, because change is not easy — his throat is tight, eyes glassy, face spotted with pink from both hot steam and the swell of emotion he feels. Sasuke tries to pay attention to the immediate present, shifting his body on the bench so he's partially reclined.]
（ he reaches up and curls one hand around sasuke's fingers just to hold him as he works the dildo out with the other. he murmurs instruction — when to relax, when to bear down, and eases it out slowly so that the pain of chafing and overuse is minimal. it, too, gets discarded in a corner of the shower, and then cy presses another kiss low on his belly before he stands. he can see the emotional catharsis taking place, and rather than speak to it he simply reinforces its importance and veracity with little touches, a kiss pressed against the boy's palm, and a loving caress to his cheek as he sits beside him. it's okay, every gesture lays bare between them. it's okay. if it's a lot, if it's overwhelming, if he needs to cry or examine his own feelings in another way. whatever the knife, they handle it together.
after a few minutes' quiet comfort, he shifts — cleaning supplies are taken out of the kit just outside the shower. shampoo, conditioner, a gentle body soap that can function as a disinfectant.
there's a shower mat draped over the curtain rod, and cy tugs it down and puts it in front of the bench, and then scoops sasuke up so he can rearrange him on the mat so cy can sit behind him. gently, he starts taking his hair from the braid, letting the strands spill like ink across pale skin. rather than start with shampoo, he actually conditions it first so that it's easier to get out any snarls or tangles, combing his fingers through it. he has his thighs around sasuke's torso, knees pressed in against his ribs, ankles crossed in the boy's lap. just holding him as he works. every spare moment occupied by a kiss when he leans forward, or a sentiment that's sweet and soft when he tucks long hair behind one of sasuke's ears. at one point he folds himself nearly in half just to wrap his arms over the top of sasuke's shoulders, elbows awkwardly bent so he can cup the boy's breasts, cradling or enveloping as much of him as he possibly can. ）
I don't think anyone's ever made this good for me the way you do.
（ he kisses at the side of his neck, and then just rests his chin on sasuke's shoulder. he's perched like an unfortunately flexible cryptid — though he's not terribly concerned with how he looks at the moment. ）
The way you can sob and beg for me, the way you can fight, all that beautiful defiance you worked so hard to show me. Thank you, t'che verai. Whatever else happens here, meeting you has been worth enduring anything.
[The enormity of what Cy does for him through the gentle, exacting process of aftercare is not new — they have done this before. Yet in light of all of their experiences together up to this moment, and after the intensity of their first fully fledged scene, Sasuke finds himself so deeply touched that he cannot speak through the careful ministrations, the kisses and touches laid on his skin as the toy is worked free and discarded, as he's set on the mat and Cy cradles him close, as the water rains over them. He blinks away tears not from any kind of sorrow but rather just an expression of — feeling. All that has been pent up in him, denied, pushed down and ruthlessly ignored, the good and the bad. He feels closer to himself, then, and closer to Cy than he has felt to anyone in his life.
It is as he said earlier. Cy is the other half of his soul — whether it has any true spiritual meaning or not, it is what Sasuke believes. And that is all that matters.
A soft sigh escapes him, lost to the sound of water as Cy drapes over top of him, hands warm where they cup at full flesh, breasts still tender and sensitive from prior abuse. The attention paid to his hair in combination with the heat has made him drowsy, hand curled over Cy's ankles and head turned to nudge at Cy's cheek. The spoken words summon another wave of emotionality, but — he doesn't brace against it. He doesn't fight. He lets it pass through, no longer unwelcome.]
I would never give it up. Meeting you. [The nudge becomes a nuzzle against Cy's cheek, like a large cat — a showing of affection they've both exhibited in this exact way countless times by now.] It's effortless, to be with you. I didn't know that it could feel like that.
[Another quiet exhale, body easing to a boneless state in the cradle of Cy's legs.]
How you are when you're like that... I know it comes with difficulty for you. But, the fact that you trust me enough to show it to me, I don't take that for granted. [Little steps guided by Cy's communication efforts, allowing him to follow.] And you're — so attractive. [Thankfully, if he's blushing, Cy won't be able to see it well from that angle.] Impossibly attractive. Everything you do to me, but especially everything you say.
[Their first experience is never far from his mind, after all.]
（ cy tilts his head to kiss at sasuke's cheek. more accustomed to handling the intensity of such emotions, it doesn't quite overwhelm him — it's more like standing in a familiar, sheltered cove, sinking into well-loved water. it's something calm and blessed as a boon. sasuke's journey from self-denial and fear to this gentle place, offering love without apprehension of denial or betrayal or hurt is worth more than anything else to him, and cy's hold on him tightens briefly in acknowledgement. ）
I won't say it's not hard. （ he doesn't mind admitting to the vulnerability. sasuke is already aware of it, after all — and the communication is more important than his pride. ） I'd never raise a hand to you in any other context, ever. （ sasuke is aware of that. it's more for himself that he says it, some fractured form of self-soothing that reinforces the discipline that it requires. ） But knowing that I can in those moments, seeing the evidence of your enjoyment, and being able to put my hands on you later without fear of you flinching, or seeing terror in your expression... （ there's another soft kiss pressed against sasuke's shoulder ） having you reach for me is a gift.
（ mirroring sasuke's gesture, he butts his cheek against the crown of the boy's hair as he straightens and resumes the cleaning of his hair. in theory, he could reduce the work by asking sasuke to change back to male — but he made his hair in this form dirty and tangled, and he wants to make it right properly, not by taking such a shortcut. ）
And thank you, for saying the right thing when I hesitated. I had a bit of a fistfight with old demons, but — you got me through it.
[He hums, reluctant to part from Cy's closeness but allowing him to straighten and work at the snarls of long, dark hair, heavy with the saturation of water, his hand instinctively petting over one of Cy's ankles. It's impossible to imagine — Cy harming him outside of that context, beyond the boundaries they've set. But he also understands that such control was hard-won across the timelessness of the man's immortal existence. And it hurts to know that.]
We take care of each other. [He leans back, letting the bench take more of his weight in a relaxed slump. Mismatched eyes glance backward, searching for Cy.] Do you want to tell me about it? Those old demons.
[He expects — no, because to this point Cy has not told him in great detail any of those terrible parts of his past, but still, Sasuke wants him to know that door is open.]
it's not a cysuke thread without cy talking sadly abt war horrors at some point tbh
（ satisfied he's worked all the tangles out, he moves to the shampoo. thick, dark hair is lathered up and he works the pads of his fingers in against sasuke's scalp as he leans backwards.
it's a loaded question — and as sasuke guesses the instinctive, kneejerk answer is no. but it would be hypocritical of him to stress the importance of discussing traumas, of facing it, and not do it himself. it doesn't matter that this is ground he's retread before — sasuke hasn't seen him do it, and he suspects that the boy will always feel like there's a part of him he can't touch if cy refuses him now.
he doesn't speak right away. instead, when he's satisfied with the suds, he gently nudges sasuke forwards under the water and lets his hair rinse out.
then, as he works conditioner into it anew: ）
You already know KV liked to hurt people, that's not — news. In the time he was... you know, （ sometimes cy calls kulo vayn it and sometimes he. it's not really evident of anything save perhaps a use of a language with variance to the pronouns being translated between them, but here it seems almost deliberate. ） I watched the eradication of eleven worlds. Billions upon billions of people. But sometimes, if he found someone that was... ah, I'll use the term 'warborne'. Someone who could walk into a room and draw his attention on the strength of their connection to conflict. He'd take those people and make them an offer. If they could withstand him for a time, he'd 'leave their world alive'. He had a different definition of alive than most mortals would. It didn't change anything in the end, except maybe to delay the inevitable. He'd torture them in ways I don't need to explain. There were three people, across three worlds. Priya Adhavesti, Sinyi, and Eska Rao. The worlds were Veskakandar, Zenta Brikan, and Osiere. Eska was last.
（ it's funny how those memories can be recalled perfectly. time has not dulled them. they are as vivid in their grotesqueries as if they had happened only hours ago. as he rinses the conditioner from sasuke's hair and gently plaits it over one shoulder, he continues: ）
I think you would have liked them. All of them. Priya was an artist with any weapon she touched. She liked to dance. She'd never cut her hair, and it fell to the floor like a curtain that smelled like sandalwood when it was unbound. She realized that I was — me. That the actions weren't mine. I don't know how. Her people had some psychic sensitivity, maybe it was that. She used to say it wasn't my fault. She called KV 'the one with the dull blade' in her native tongue. Christ aloud, he hated that.
（ her words were the only weapons she had, and she used them well until kv cut out her tongue. ）
Sinyi was an elemental magic user, kinda like how your jutsu work. Water and Earth. She was tiny, barely half my size, but she could move mountains and divert rivers with a thought. She lasted the longest, and when she realized that KV wasn't going to spare her people she brought a mountain down on top of us. It killed her. KV was pissed about that — he kept another god prisoner, and he used to force him to resurrect people. He tried it on Sinyi, but she'd... done something to her soul, spirit, whatever you want to call it. It didn't work. KV usually took his time killing all the life on a planet, but that one world he destroyed outright in an instant. He was furious. I'd never seen him like that before, and only once since.
（ she'd been so, so brave. cy remembers her grin, teeth red to the gums with blood. she died thinking that perhaps she'd won. most people weren't so lucky. ）
Eska was a big guy. Quiet. He didn't have any powers, he didn't have any special skills. But he was steady, and he was strong. He hated cruelty. KV had actually made the offer to someone else, but Eska volunteered and that ... intrigued him. He's the only one KV left alive. He'd worshipped the — （ his voice cracks, just a little. perhaps it's hidden by the soft fall of water, or perhaps it isn't. but — ） the god of war, at the temple in Mon Mahara. That's how I knew about it. But I have no way of knowing if he ever made it back there before he died, or if he succumbed to his injuries out in the desert. I didn't go back for... I don't know how long. At least a millennia. Probably more, so — there was no finding his body. I used to dream about giving him a proper funeral, in the custom of a long-dead people. But it was just a dream, in the end.
[It has never once left his mind what Cy has endured since its telling, when they sat together beneath a tree in the Vale and Cy gave him that honesty. Yet as well as Cy has mastered himself over millennia, so rarely does the subject of that history arise between them — and less, if at all, in any significant detail. He understands and comprehends how Cy's sensitivity to compulsion is a result of KV's influence. KV is still there; any amount of mental tampering poses the potential to interfere with the greatest horror a mind can imagine. He also understands that the man's proclivity toward sadism is a double-edged blade, and it wears on him, and it has taken efforts of self-control to carve out these rules they follow during sex. Cy has said he doesn't need it, and Sasuke believes him — but he's seen Cy's pleasure enough to know it is there. Perhaps will always be there, as a consequence of what he has been made to suffer.
Eleven whole worlds of people. Billion is an unfathomable count. Billions upon billions, almost impossible. Now Cy is giving him the detail of three individuals who KV targeted specifically, and Sasuke understands the connection at once. Perhaps if that entity had ever visited his own planet, he would have looked upon the population and found a variety of "warborne" to torment. Naruto — a thought that grips his heart with fear, because it is a sacrifice Naruto would make without question. Yet would Naruto be too peace-loving for something like Kulo Vayn? Would that count against him, or would it be preferable?
... Sasuke would have made that same choice too. He had almost made it, once, when he swore to take on the shinobi world's darkness. He'd wanted to sacrifice himself. He'd wanted to be throw himself onto the spear, alone. He can understand the minds of these three people, Priya and Sinyi and Eska, even if he has never met them and never will. Perhaps that is the point. Yes, he would have liked them.
But against Cy's pain, which is endless and eternal, at least theirs was temporary. At least it ended, eventually.
Once Cy finishes tending to his hair, Sasuke pushes himself up to stand beneath the spray of water, turning to face the man, drawing him into an embrace. He tucks Cy's head against his stomach, the skin soft and warm and wet.]
I'm sorry. [A whisper.] I'm glad I know who they were. I'm sorry you have to remember what happened to them. [He combs his right hand through Cy's wet hair, then reaches for the shampoo to begin washing it, just as was done for him.] They aren't in pain anymore, but you still are. I hate that.
[It is said as gently as a confession, no fire of animosity — even if he could summon it against Kulo Vayn in an instant.]
（ old wounds, badly healed — but the scar tissue holds as he leans against sasuke, pressing a kiss below his navel before turning his head to nuzzle in close, wrapping both arms around him. ）
Yeah.
（ it's muffled slightly, by water and by the press of his cheek. he doesn't pull away to continue, just raises his voice a little so he knows he'll be heard over the water. ）
It's — I don't mind talking about it with you. It's not an imposition, or a burden when you ask. But most of the bad shit that's happened to me was millennia ago, you know? I've dealt with the messy stuff, up here, （ one hand extricates itself from about sasuke's hips and reaches to touch his own temple, tapping there lightly in indication of what he means. ） and it's hard to tell you these things when the only outcome is making you hurt. I know you can take it, that's — it's not that.
（ another soft kiss, this time pressed against one of sasuke's many bruises gained during their scene. ）
I don't want to keep things from you. But I also don't want to pour only stories of suffering into you until it drowns everything else. I've lived good lives, Sasuke. I've met good people. More good than bad. I've loved in a thousand languages. I've watched civilizations grow up out of the mud. I've taught people the fundamental language of the universe. I've seen sunrises in the most beautiful places, wild and remote, where no one has ever walked before me and no one will walk for a million years after. I've charted constellations across velvet-black skies until it felt like no corner of the universe was beyond my reach. I've held babies at their first breath and their elderly hands at their last.
（ sasuke is scratching idly at his scalp, and he closes his eyes against errant suds from the shampoo. luxuriating in the touch. ）
The good stories are the ones I want to share with you, not the awful shit. But I'll still tell you, if you ask. And if I don't, or can't, I'll tell you why.
[He's silent for a time after Cy finishes speaking. One-handed, the process of washing Cy's hair is more tedious, but thankfully there is not nearly as much of it, so the steps move a little quicker. It isn't like he has forgotten Cy's age, or the countless lives he's lived across a whole universe of worlds — but sometimes it is difficult for his own mind to grasp. He tries, but it seems like a paltry understanding when his own existence has been so — short, by comparison.]
I want to know everything about you, [is his eventual answer.] Who you are, what you've seen. Good and bad.
[It goes deeper than that basic desire, yet he cannot easily articulate those words. He doesn't know how. What he feels is beyond love, by now, and closer to obsession — or perhaps they are the same. Perhaps the love is the obsession. He has told Cy already about the features of his own clan and their tendency to experience intense emotion, and they've discussed what might happen if they were to be separated, but... rather than feel better prepared for that potential outcome, Sasuke worries he is going in the opposite direction. Because when he thinks of it, anxiety is like a fathomless drop underfoot. And it gets worse, not better.
Cy views their relationship as temporary by nature of his immortality, but — what if Sasuke can't accept that?
There's a slow breath, measured out, and then he reaches for one of Cy's hands to complete the seals that will change him back to his ordinary form. While he doesn't mind that feminine body, it still isn't what he prefers.]
（ the change is barely noticeable given his state of mind — sasuke is only himself, in either body, and features that are absent or gained between them are ultimately irrelevant to him. he presses another kiss against his abdomen, and then: ）
But can it be once we're out of the shower? I think I just want to be here with you for now.
（ a tug to sasuke's hand pulls him into cy's lap, and he reaches for the soap again so he can start cleaning him elsewhere than just hair alone. he is as gentle and tender here as he wasn't during their scene, and every little mark or blemish laid on his skin gets paid mind, the ritual slow but exacting, merciless only in its thoroughness.
sasuke reciprocates in turn — and once they're finished cy disinfects and bandages his little wounds, bundles him into a towel and carries him back to the bed, setting him briefly into the chair. he's given a little bento of fruit and veggies, neatly cut, and water on the nearby end table, painkillers to be taken once he's had some food. and as sasuke works his way through those instructions, cy changes the sheets and takes the ropes down from where he'd tied them. the implements they'd used get cleaned and put away, and when the room looks nearly as it did when they first entered, he collects sasuke into his arms and settles on the bed. the light in the room is low, and he feels — tired, in a way that rarely settles so deeply in his bones.
cy kisses at his damp hair, adjusting towels and blankets until they're skin-to-skin. one hand strokes idly down sasuke's spine, then back up to press his palm over the back of his neck like the collar they'd left in the bathroom. his other hand cradles the boy's cock and balls in a way that's entirely without sexual drive, just — holding a part of him so lately bruised.
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his thumb traces sasuke's bottom lip, swollen with where he'd bitten it earlier, and he lets himself sink back into arousal. into the scaffolding of the scenario laid out between them. to be a brutal warlord is nothing new to him, nor is the act of bending others to his will. but he knows, rationally, that it's not just him driving it forward. pushing it on someone who's agreed out of fear of consequence. sasuke enjoys it, asks for it, participates so beautifully beneath his touch — his control is surrendered, not taken.
and it's enough. it's enough that the lust crawls back, and his cock stiffens in the furrowed grasp of his left hand, and when he's ready: ）
Okay. （ a soft exhale. he lifts his gaze and meets sasuke's eyes, mismatched and all the more uniquely beautiful for it. there's a soft brush of his fingertips against his cheek, smudging tears. then: ） Taenarum.
（ it's a door. he just has to step through it and the mask comes down — his expression shifts from that soft, cracked-open vulnerability to something riven by conquering cruelty. he takes sasuke by the wrist and pins his hand flat against the bed, knocking his thighs apart to kneel between them. he speaks, then — but whatever he says is a string of profanity that does not survive in the space between speech and the sundered sear of a damaged mind. he does not think of eska, and shores up the wall between who he has chosen to be and what he was made — he can feel kulo vayn shift restlessly behind it, but he can block it out. sasuke's given him that strength.
what he is aware of is the tight, slick heat of sasuke's cunt as he pulls the boy by one hip to meet him. the way his cock sinks into him, the way that even in this form sasuke feels made to take him in. the dildo juts against the back vaginal wall, he can feel the unyielding penetration of silicone so acutely that it's almost ruinous, leaving him awash in a purely animal sensation. it becomes a thing marshalled only because he has the experience to focus elsewhere. in this case on the shifting muscle of sasuke's forearm as he feels him tense beneath him, the way unshed tears catch light in his eyelashes. cy seats himself fully in a ruthless drive, his other hand falling to brace against the mattress near sasuke's head.
this time, cy kisses him with no trace of tenderness, and then murmurs in his ear: ）
Dark hair, beautiful eyes. （ it's a callback that sasuke should recognize, the first time they'd done something like this together — albeit in genjutsu. ） Life will take root in your body, （ a brief lift of his hand, palm stroking down sasuke's abdomen to knead into the flesh where a child would grow. ） and you'll grit your teeth against that indignity too, won't you? You'll be my woman, my whore — the mother of my children. My war prize — forever.
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Yet it's so much more than he expects to feel, that dual penetration of both Cy's cock and the toy buried deep in his ass, held in place by the coin knot fixed around his hips. He fights it, because this is meant to be an unwilling act, but he does it with the awareness that the battle is lost — that this is a step over a line that cannot be undone. Heels dig into the bed and he thrashes in a poor attempt to kick the man off of him, weakened after suffering two orgasms and the fatigue of continued ruthlessness.
Sasuke's mouth is pliant in the kiss, neither returning nor resisting the intimate seal of lips. And he does recognize what Cy says to him, that shadow of a fantasy he desperately wants as a whole and realized future, blurred at the edges now by the context of this scene. Cy will find his cunt no less wet for the hard push of penetration, even as he can't seem to relax around the man's cock, those hot interior walls maintaining a tight, involuntary clench between competing sensations in two holes.]
Not — forever. [A tiny spark of defiance, even as he moans again at the caress of that hand low on his belly.] You'll... tire of me one day. [As if trying to convince himself, and noticeably not a remark of his own wants.] Until then, I'll — bear with this. You'll never have the satisfaction of... breaking me.
'making sasuke participate in his own torment is my kink' - cy, ten k years and a half
he hooks two fingers in the d-ring of the collar at sasuke's throat and uses it to bodily pull him upwards until he's sitting in the furrow between cy's spread thighs, dragged back onto his cock without reprieve. now, his own weight works against him — if he tries to resist or fight, cy will put his hands on sasuke's hips and force him down. their bodies are nested close, wetly sealed — of a similar enough height like this that he can lean in and claim another kiss. ）
Breaking you isn't what would satisfy me. Most people break across a long enough timeline.
（ he tugs at the chain where it hangs against the boy's sternum until it pulls at his nipples. then: ）
Ride me until I come inside you. You're strong enough for that, right?
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A sob breaks out of him; his eyes are still wet from earlier emotion, but he sees no reason to suppress those tears in the moment now. The kiss, the yank at the sore and reddened peaks of nipples — all of these physical sensations work to sunder him, resistance made arbitrary, protest worn down.
Of course he's strong enough. It's a question that doesn't need to be asked, but is asked anyway as if to make it a challenge, some benchmark he must rise to meet. His right hand finds a place for balance on Cy's knee, and then — he does as he is made to do. He rocks his body down, thighs rigid with tension for the effort of keeping the position, and rides the man's cock — humiliating for the way it causes him to participate in this act, as if it is mutual and not coerced. He's so wet after orgasm there's almost no burn to the rhythm of desperate fucking, but it is the stretch that aches, that makes him feel so full he can't breathe properly, the way Cy's cock shoves in at this angle enough to jostle the dildo plugged in his ass. He is soon gasping with the effort, face blotchy with crying.]
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he doesn't tire of the sight — how could he? — but eventually, he manoeuvres sasuke into something that more closely resembles the lotus position. it's one of their favourites, and oft used for the nearness and intimacy, the enforced closeness and the heat of it. sasuke's body feels like a sear pinned along the leylines of his body, hot where cy has meted out his various abuses. red marks are darkening to bruises, leaving his skin a latticework of pain both offered and accepted.
christ aloud, this kid is a work of art. and perhaps that worship shows on his face and perhaps it doesn't. he hooks his thumbs in the rope that encircles sasuke's hips, keeping him captive to the intrusion of the dildo and holds him in place as he rocks his hips upwards into him in a slow roll. time is immaterial. he doesn't have any idea if he fucks him for an hour or an instant, only that when he comes it's heralded by the lift of his arms, pulling sasuke in against him violently. ）
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And when it happens, Sasuke only shifts so his legs can circle around the man's waist, crossing his ankles in a stubborn seal. He rests his head down against Cy's shoulder — in a way meant to conceal his face because they haven't said the word to conclude the scene yet, but he knows his own acting won't hold up to the look he makes, feeling Cy's cock begin to soften inside of him, knowing he's been filled with the man's come in a body that could take it and produce a child. He refuses to lose this moment; the tight clench of his thighs says so.]
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From this point on, your only purpose is this.
（ he curls his hand in sasuke's long, heavy braid and forces him to arch his back, to bare his breasts on offer as cy presses his mouth against one nipple. ）
As a slave, you're no longer permitted to wear clothing. My want of you will become the highest calling of your life. If I want to fuck you, your sole duty is to offer a hole. But I'll beat you less when you're carrying my child — so your life will be easier as you accept your fate as a vessel for me.
（ that's said with another faint upwards lift of his hips — his cock is soft and spent inside sasuke's cunt, but the pressure still punctuates the threat. ）
Once you're pregnant, I want to call a war council. You have a lot of enemies, Uchiha — and I'll make sure every one of them is in the room as I lay you out on the table, belly swollen, breasts leaking milk — I'm going to fuck you in front of them so there will never be any question of your ownership. Of who it was that finally, finally took you down.
（ his cheeks hollow out in a slow suck to one nipple, and he lets his teeth catch on the piercing before he leans back. he takes sasuke's chin in his hand and forces him to look at him. ）
If you're cold, you need to take a cock before I'll permit you a blanket. If you're hungry, your first act will be to suck me off and swallow before I'll allow you a meal. （ and perhaps it's their last trip to a room like this that makes him add: ） And you'll ask me before you use the bathroom. I'll make you hold it until you're weeping and thrashing in misery, every time.
But — （ an almost simulated tenderness follows, his tone low as he settles his right hand between them, petting low on sasuke's belly. imagining a child there is a fantasy that goes beyond this scene of conquering and coercion. beyond the pain and the rape and the debasement — because it's something they both do want. there is no reality he wants more for them both, the idea of sasuke electing to take a female form solely to carry his child... he cannot imagine a greater act of love than that. and if they can only have it in their minds, in their fantasies, it will be enough for now. ） it's not so bad, having every aspect of your life controlled — you might even find you like the lack of autonomy. It's so easy to live when someone owns you, body and soul. You won't have to make difficult decisions. You won't be faced with life or death battles. You'll exist within the sensations I give you, within the pain with which I purify your body, within the complexities of pregnancy, and you'll be mine until you die.
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He can feel where Cy's cock has softened within the folds of his cunt, but it doesn't prevent a sort of harder crush when he rolls his own hips, bidden by the movement Cy initiates. Rather than the rhythmic drag of thrusts, he grinds himself in shallower motions, until it's clear what he is doing — rubbing a swollen, sorely abused clit against Cy's pelvic bone for slick friction and pressure. His mouth hangs open, panting, face messy with tears and drool and long-dried come from earlier, strands of dark hair stuck to the sharp bone of one cheek. On display like this with a strong hand cupped under his chin, he is made to meet Cy's eyes — his own glassy with tears, hazy in the wash of mixed pleasure and pain.]
Fine, [is the low, rasping agreement that slips loose.] Then own me.
[Please is what his body says separately, dragging out another orgasm though it feels almost painful to come again like this, drape of jewelry glinting in the light on his pale skin, full breasts swaying gently with the movement of his hips. It tears through him on a deep and shuddering torrent, and this time when he's spent he collapses against Cy with no more will to hold himself upright.]
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cy just holds him, taking his weight without complaint, letting the cruelty of his touch abate. he nuzzles at sasuke's cheek, and then tucks the boy against his shoulder and cradles him like some precious thing. there's more he could say, more they could do — but that's as grand a denouement as he can imagine, and so there's a murmur at sasuke's ear intended to carry them out of the scene: elysium.
then: ）
Keep your legs around me. I'm going to carry you to the shower, okay? I just want to stay inside you a bit longer. （ a flick of his hand teleports the medical bag he'd brought along to the bathroom ahead of him, and then he gathers sasuke up and slips from the bed, petting his long hair all the more tenderly now that it's permissible. ）
Sweetheart, you were incredible. Everything you did, everything you said. You're the most perfect, beautiful man. I love you.
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His right arm fixes itself around Cy's shoulders and his legs remain a tight circle, ankles crossed. Cy picks him up like it's nothing, though it brings awareness to where they're still joined — slick and wet and impossibly intimate when no longer a matter of urgency.]
I feel the same. [His voice is a whisper, damp from crying. He sniffs, rubbing his cheek against Cy's shoulder.] I love you. [A hum.] It feels so easy to say that now. I love you.
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（ he turns to press his mouth down against sasuke's hair, and shifts his weight a little so he can open the door. inside, he beelines for the shower and makes a soft hum of sound as he turns the water on, waiting for it to warm, stealing kisses in the lull as steam begins to fill the air.
the shower is a relatively plain thing, just a corner nook — but it does have a bench opposite the shower nozzle. as much as he wants to sit down on it with sasuke in his lap and just — hold him until he can get hard again, fuck him through the slick mess of come and arousal, instead he gently lifts sasuke off his cock and sets him down, kneeling between the splay of his thighs. the water is angled to mostly hit him, but he'd made it hot on purpose — enough that someone with a higher-than-natural body temperature, and someone so strongly aligned to fire can still sink into relaxation. ）
Piercings first, then I'll take the dildo out. Give me a run-down of how you're feeling. Anything I need to do or say, anywhere it hurts more that I should look at?
（ his hands lift, gently working the piercing free of first one breast, and then the other. he'll clean and disinfect them properly once they're done here, but for now he leans in to press gentler kisses against abused flesh. ）
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Cy's instructions are absorbed, and it's easier first to address his physical state than his emotional one, which isn't so surprising.]
Mm. Between my legs... [There's no protest as the piercings are undone from his breasts, but the one further down — Sasuke can't quite convince himself to open his thighs. It has less to do with keeping Cy's come inside of him (which is almost compulsory by now) and more to do the throbbing pain from tender, pierced flesh just above a sensitive clit.] It isn't unbearable, but I can't focus on much else except — that it hurts.
[Like a distracted thought, unwilling to leave his head.]
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（ there's a coaxing pet to sasuke's thighs, and after a moment's reluctant resistance the boy does as he's asked. his thighs are marked and bruised, presses from his fingers or from ropework or from the cane — and cy kisses at the ones within easy reach as he works upwards towards the boy's pelvis. once he's there: ）
Put your hand in my hair. You can pull if it hurts.
（ he nuzzles against the soft skin of sasuke's inner thigh, stubble scraping against him, and then — gently, deftly — he undoes this piercing as well, pulling the thin metal from beneath the nerve as easy as breathing. ）
I almost tapped out of the scene just looking at your pretty cunt, the way you looked wearing my piercings. I wanted to put my mouth on you so badly.
（ a soft kiss is pressed against the sparse triangle of hair, dampened with arousal and with faint droplets of water that ricochet from cy's broad shoulders. he pets his thumbs along the folds of sasuke's pussy, pausing to push a tacky line of come into his cunt, as if one element of the scene, at least, has carried over here. another kiss is pressed against the trapped fold of his labia, first the left and then the right. given that they haven't done much with him in this female form, it's the first time he's really been afforded the luxury of taking something slow. ）
May I? Not to get you off, （ he knows sasuke would try for him, but it's not necessary for him to enjoy the act, which he elaborates on: ） just to taste you. Just to touch you.
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Yeah. [A nod to that question, flushed cheeks easily disguised by the heat of the shower. He almost feels more self-conscious in this form while they're not having sex — it's an adjustment outside of a distinct purpose. He hasn't spent much time at all in it so casually.] I don't know if I could even... get off another time.
[It seems dizzying, the number of orgasms Cy had wrung out of him over the course of the scene.]
Hah— [air escapes his lips, soft and fluttering. He shifts, aware of the dildo still lodged inside of him as Cy strokes his cunt, kisses tender skin, folds still wet and slippery when parted, making Sasuke squirm as a tacky drip of come is pushed by back into his hole.] Cy...
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he stays there, on his knees on wet tile, until he can only taste himself between sasuke's legs — and that's when he leans back a little, pressing his mouth against the boy's inner thigh. he pulls his finger loose with some reluctance, licking it clean well within sasuke's field of vision. then: ）
Few ways I can take the dildo out. Either you can lie back on the bench and I can do it from here, or I can put you over my knee like I do when I spank you and do it that way, or I can get you to kneel on the tile and lean over the bench and do it like that. What do you want, sweetheart?
（ he's already reaching to undo the ties of the crotch rope anyway — tossing the wet mess into a corner of the shower. ）
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Heat pools through his body, intensified as he watches Cy surface from between his legs, mouth wet and messy as he cleans off a finger. Then he's speaking; Sasuke has to focus in order to hear and understand it.]
I'll lie back. [For a reason voiced in the next moment—] I want to be able to see you.
[This, too, is less for any sexual desire than the crave for intimacy, to be close to Cy's face, to have his eyes. As the minutes go on, he's more cognizant of his own emotional state — and the fragile clinginess that surfaces as a result of every vulnerability he's displayed over the course of the scene. Normally there would be an urge to suppress it, to push down that sentiment for its weakness, but Cy has taught him better to open himself and yield to it instead. Yet there is still discomfort to contend with, because change is not easy — his throat is tight, eyes glassy, face spotted with pink from both hot steam and the swell of emotion he feels. Sasuke tries to pay attention to the immediate present, shifting his body on the bench so he's partially reclined.]
Is this enough?
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（ he reaches up and curls one hand around sasuke's fingers just to hold him as he works the dildo out with the other. he murmurs instruction — when to relax, when to bear down, and eases it out slowly so that the pain of chafing and overuse is minimal. it, too, gets discarded in a corner of the shower, and then cy presses another kiss low on his belly before he stands. he can see the emotional catharsis taking place, and rather than speak to it he simply reinforces its importance and veracity with little touches, a kiss pressed against the boy's palm, and a loving caress to his cheek as he sits beside him. it's okay, every gesture lays bare between them. it's okay. if it's a lot, if it's overwhelming, if he needs to cry or examine his own feelings in another way. whatever the knife, they handle it together.
after a few minutes' quiet comfort, he shifts — cleaning supplies are taken out of the kit just outside the shower. shampoo, conditioner, a gentle body soap that can function as a disinfectant.
there's a shower mat draped over the curtain rod, and cy tugs it down and puts it in front of the bench, and then scoops sasuke up so he can rearrange him on the mat so cy can sit behind him. gently, he starts taking his hair from the braid, letting the strands spill like ink across pale skin. rather than start with shampoo, he actually conditions it first so that it's easier to get out any snarls or tangles, combing his fingers through it. he has his thighs around sasuke's torso, knees pressed in against his ribs, ankles crossed in the boy's lap. just holding him as he works. every spare moment occupied by a kiss when he leans forward, or a sentiment that's sweet and soft when he tucks long hair behind one of sasuke's ears. at one point he folds himself nearly in half just to wrap his arms over the top of sasuke's shoulders, elbows awkwardly bent so he can cup the boy's breasts, cradling or enveloping as much of him as he possibly can. ）
I don't think anyone's ever made this good for me the way you do.
（ he kisses at the side of his neck, and then just rests his chin on sasuke's shoulder. he's perched like an unfortunately flexible cryptid — though he's not terribly concerned with how he looks at the moment. ）
The way you can sob and beg for me, the way you can fight, all that beautiful defiance you worked so hard to show me. Thank you, t'che verai. Whatever else happens here, meeting you has been worth enduring anything.
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It is as he said earlier. Cy is the other half of his soul — whether it has any true spiritual meaning or not, it is what Sasuke believes. And that is all that matters.
A soft sigh escapes him, lost to the sound of water as Cy drapes over top of him, hands warm where they cup at full flesh, breasts still tender and sensitive from prior abuse. The attention paid to his hair in combination with the heat has made him drowsy, hand curled over Cy's ankles and head turned to nudge at Cy's cheek. The spoken words summon another wave of emotionality, but — he doesn't brace against it. He doesn't fight. He lets it pass through, no longer unwelcome.]
I would never give it up. Meeting you. [The nudge becomes a nuzzle against Cy's cheek, like a large cat — a showing of affection they've both exhibited in this exact way countless times by now.] It's effortless, to be with you. I didn't know that it could feel like that.
[Another quiet exhale, body easing to a boneless state in the cradle of Cy's legs.]
How you are when you're like that... I know it comes with difficulty for you. But, the fact that you trust me enough to show it to me, I don't take that for granted. [Little steps guided by Cy's communication efforts, allowing him to follow.] And you're — so attractive. [Thankfully, if he's blushing, Cy won't be able to see it well from that angle.] Impossibly attractive. Everything you do to me, but especially everything you say.
[Their first experience is never far from his mind, after all.]
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I won't say it's not hard. （ he doesn't mind admitting to the vulnerability. sasuke is already aware of it, after all — and the communication is more important than his pride. ） I'd never raise a hand to you in any other context, ever. （ sasuke is aware of that. it's more for himself that he says it, some fractured form of self-soothing that reinforces the discipline that it requires. ） But knowing that I can in those moments, seeing the evidence of your enjoyment, and being able to put my hands on you later without fear of you flinching, or seeing terror in your expression... （ there's another soft kiss pressed against sasuke's shoulder ） having you reach for me is a gift.
（ mirroring sasuke's gesture, he butts his cheek against the crown of the boy's hair as he straightens and resumes the cleaning of his hair. in theory, he could reduce the work by asking sasuke to change back to male — but he made his hair in this form dirty and tangled, and he wants to make it right properly, not by taking such a shortcut. ）
And thank you, for saying the right thing when I hesitated. I had a bit of a fistfight with old demons, but — you got me through it.
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We take care of each other. [He leans back, letting the bench take more of his weight in a relaxed slump. Mismatched eyes glance backward, searching for Cy.] Do you want to tell me about it? Those old demons.
[He expects — no, because to this point Cy has not told him in great detail any of those terrible parts of his past, but still, Sasuke wants him to know that door is open.]
it's not a cysuke thread without cy talking sadly abt war horrors at some point tbh
it's a loaded question — and as sasuke guesses the instinctive, kneejerk answer is no. but it would be hypocritical of him to stress the importance of discussing traumas, of facing it, and not do it himself. it doesn't matter that this is ground he's retread before — sasuke hasn't seen him do it, and he suspects that the boy will always feel like there's a part of him he can't touch if cy refuses him now.
he doesn't speak right away. instead, when he's satisfied with the suds, he gently nudges sasuke forwards under the water and lets his hair rinse out.
then, as he works conditioner into it anew: ）
You already know KV liked to hurt people, that's not — news. In the time he was... you know, （ sometimes cy calls kulo vayn it and sometimes he. it's not really evident of anything save perhaps a use of a language with variance to the pronouns being translated between them, but here it seems almost deliberate. ） I watched the eradication of eleven worlds. Billions upon billions of people. But sometimes, if he found someone that was... ah, I'll use the term 'warborne'. Someone who could walk into a room and draw his attention on the strength of their connection to conflict. He'd take those people and make them an offer. If they could withstand him for a time, he'd 'leave their world alive'. He had a different definition of alive than most mortals would. It didn't change anything in the end, except maybe to delay the inevitable. He'd torture them in ways I don't need to explain. There were three people, across three worlds. Priya Adhavesti, Sinyi, and Eska Rao. The worlds were Veskakandar, Zenta Brikan, and Osiere. Eska was last.
（ it's funny how those memories can be recalled perfectly. time has not dulled them. they are as vivid in their grotesqueries as if they had happened only hours ago. as he rinses the conditioner from sasuke's hair and gently plaits it over one shoulder, he continues: ）
I think you would have liked them. All of them. Priya was an artist with any weapon she touched. She liked to dance. She'd never cut her hair, and it fell to the floor like a curtain that smelled like sandalwood when it was unbound. She realized that I was — me. That the actions weren't mine. I don't know how. Her people had some psychic sensitivity, maybe it was that. She used to say it wasn't my fault. She called KV 'the one with the dull blade' in her native tongue. Christ aloud, he hated that.
（ her words were the only weapons she had, and she used them well until kv cut out her tongue. ）
Sinyi was an elemental magic user, kinda like how your jutsu work. Water and Earth. She was tiny, barely half my size, but she could move mountains and divert rivers with a thought. She lasted the longest, and when she realized that KV wasn't going to spare her people she brought a mountain down on top of us. It killed her. KV was pissed about that — he kept another god prisoner, and he used to force him to resurrect people. He tried it on Sinyi, but she'd... done something to her soul, spirit, whatever you want to call it. It didn't work. KV usually took his time killing all the life on a planet, but that one world he destroyed outright in an instant. He was furious. I'd never seen him like that before, and only once since.
（ she'd been so, so brave. cy remembers her grin, teeth red to the gums with blood. she died thinking that perhaps she'd won. most people weren't so lucky. ）
Eska was a big guy. Quiet. He didn't have any powers, he didn't have any special skills. But he was steady, and he was strong. He hated cruelty. KV had actually made the offer to someone else, but Eska volunteered and that ... intrigued him. He's the only one KV left alive. He'd worshipped the — （ his voice cracks, just a little. perhaps it's hidden by the soft fall of water, or perhaps it isn't. but — ） the god of war, at the temple in Mon Mahara. That's how I knew about it. But I have no way of knowing if he ever made it back there before he died, or if he succumbed to his injuries out in the desert. I didn't go back for... I don't know how long. At least a millennia. Probably more, so — there was no finding his body. I used to dream about giving him a proper funeral, in the custom of a long-dead people. But it was just a dream, in the end.
🥲🥲🥲
Eleven whole worlds of people. Billion is an unfathomable count. Billions upon billions, almost impossible. Now Cy is giving him the detail of three individuals who KV targeted specifically, and Sasuke understands the connection at once. Perhaps if that entity had ever visited his own planet, he would have looked upon the population and found a variety of "warborne" to torment. Naruto — a thought that grips his heart with fear, because it is a sacrifice Naruto would make without question. Yet would Naruto be too peace-loving for something like Kulo Vayn? Would that count against him, or would it be preferable?
... Sasuke would have made that same choice too. He had almost made it, once, when he swore to take on the shinobi world's darkness. He'd wanted to sacrifice himself. He'd wanted to be throw himself onto the spear, alone. He can understand the minds of these three people, Priya and Sinyi and Eska, even if he has never met them and never will. Perhaps that is the point. Yes, he would have liked them.
But against Cy's pain, which is endless and eternal, at least theirs was temporary. At least it ended, eventually.
Once Cy finishes tending to his hair, Sasuke pushes himself up to stand beneath the spray of water, turning to face the man, drawing him into an embrace. He tucks Cy's head against his stomach, the skin soft and warm and wet.]
I'm sorry. [A whisper.] I'm glad I know who they were. I'm sorry you have to remember what happened to them. [He combs his right hand through Cy's wet hair, then reaches for the shampoo to begin washing it, just as was done for him.] They aren't in pain anymore, but you still are. I hate that.
[It is said as gently as a confession, no fire of animosity — even if he could summon it against Kulo Vayn in an instant.]
Thank you for telling me.
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Yeah.
（ it's muffled slightly, by water and by the press of his cheek. he doesn't pull away to continue, just raises his voice a little so he knows he'll be heard over the water. ）
It's — I don't mind talking about it with you. It's not an imposition, or a burden when you ask. But most of the bad shit that's happened to me was millennia ago, you know? I've dealt with the messy stuff, up here, （ one hand extricates itself from about sasuke's hips and reaches to touch his own temple, tapping there lightly in indication of what he means. ） and it's hard to tell you these things when the only outcome is making you hurt. I know you can take it, that's — it's not that.
（ another soft kiss, this time pressed against one of sasuke's many bruises gained during their scene. ）
I don't want to keep things from you. But I also don't want to pour only stories of suffering into you until it drowns everything else. I've lived good lives, Sasuke. I've met good people. More good than bad. I've loved in a thousand languages. I've watched civilizations grow up out of the mud. I've taught people the fundamental language of the universe. I've seen sunrises in the most beautiful places, wild and remote, where no one has ever walked before me and no one will walk for a million years after. I've charted constellations across velvet-black skies until it felt like no corner of the universe was beyond my reach. I've held babies at their first breath and their elderly hands at their last.
（ sasuke is scratching idly at his scalp, and he closes his eyes against errant suds from the shampoo. luxuriating in the touch. ）
The good stories are the ones I want to share with you, not the awful shit. But I'll still tell you, if you ask. And if I don't, or can't, I'll tell you why.
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I want to know everything about you, [is his eventual answer.] Who you are, what you've seen. Good and bad.
[It goes deeper than that basic desire, yet he cannot easily articulate those words. He doesn't know how. What he feels is beyond love, by now, and closer to obsession — or perhaps they are the same. Perhaps the love is the obsession. He has told Cy already about the features of his own clan and their tendency to experience intense emotion, and they've discussed what might happen if they were to be separated, but... rather than feel better prepared for that potential outcome, Sasuke worries he is going in the opposite direction. Because when he thinks of it, anxiety is like a fathomless drop underfoot. And it gets worse, not better.
Cy views their relationship as temporary by nature of his immortality, but — what if Sasuke can't accept that?
There's a slow breath, measured out, and then he reaches for one of Cy's hands to complete the seals that will change him back to his ordinary form. While he doesn't mind that feminine body, it still isn't what he prefers.]
But if you want to, tell me a good story now.
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（ the change is barely noticeable given his state of mind — sasuke is only himself, in either body, and features that are absent or gained between them are ultimately irrelevant to him. he presses another kiss against his abdomen, and then: ）
But can it be once we're out of the shower? I think I just want to be here with you for now.
（ a tug to sasuke's hand pulls him into cy's lap, and he reaches for the soap again so he can start cleaning him elsewhere than just hair alone. he is as gentle and tender here as he wasn't during their scene, and every little mark or blemish laid on his skin gets paid mind, the ritual slow but exacting, merciless only in its thoroughness.
sasuke reciprocates in turn — and once they're finished cy disinfects and bandages his little wounds, bundles him into a towel and carries him back to the bed, setting him briefly into the chair. he's given a little bento of fruit and veggies, neatly cut, and water on the nearby end table, painkillers to be taken once he's had some food. and as sasuke works his way through those instructions, cy changes the sheets and takes the ropes down from where he'd tied them. the implements they'd used get cleaned and put away, and when the room looks nearly as it did when they first entered, he collects sasuke into his arms and settles on the bed. the light in the room is low, and he feels — tired, in a way that rarely settles so deeply in his bones.
cy kisses at his damp hair, adjusting towels and blankets until they're skin-to-skin. one hand strokes idly down sasuke's spine, then back up to press his palm over the back of his neck like the collar they'd left in the bathroom. his other hand cradles the boy's cock and balls in a way that's entirely without sexual drive, just — holding a part of him so lately bruised.
then: ）
Do you have water dragons in your world?
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here there be dragons
🐉🐉🐉
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the endlessness of horny, pt8349823^2999
they will never stop
once u pop...
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we are cringe but we are free