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[hallowing]

@torontonian

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[hallowing]

（ his expression transmutes, something soft and achingly fond. and then he's standing up, and holding out a hand to haul sasuke back up too. ）

Just because I went to an effort doesn't mean it needs to be finished.

（ yes this is a metaphor. ）

But aight.

（ he returns to the blanket and sits agura in a smooth motion, and pats the blanket beside him for sasuke to join him there. when he does, cy will use a little spark of that voidborne magic to call the half-eaten salad back to his hand in this new place. ）

So how does this match up against Konohagakure?

（ the pronunciation is flawless, the tender care of someone who has made a concerted effort to remember, to preserve a small piece of something they were told. ）

[chokuto]

[Get your sex metaphors away from his dinner.]

Then maybe I'm still hungry.

[Yet he's obedient to the hand as he follows Cy over, lowering down at his side. In a snap, the salad is returned, fingers reclaiming the chopsticks perched on top of the bowl. A few more bites—enjoying the flavor on his tongue, savoring the freshness—and he looks over.

It isn't that he thought Cy would forget so soon. Sasuke still doesn't know the exact boundaries of a ruined mind's ability to create memories, to save or catalogue new information, but... this one is obviously a purposeful attempt. There's an unfamiliar feeling that swells in his chest in recognition of that fact; he might misjudge it for emotional pain, because it is all he has to compare against, except Cy has done nothing wrong by mentioning his home village.

He's felt something like this before. In the Valley of the End, under the sky, laid out on a rock.]

... It's a little more humid. It reminds me of summertime, but the vegetation here is different. The closer you get to the lowest parts, the more everything grows close together. It's harder to navigate with that kind of density compared to the forests of Fire Country. [He places back his empty bowl, this time reaching for the miso soup.] But the greenery is the same. The shadows, the play of light. The fresh smell, though I don't recognize the flora. Like those glowing mushrooms.

[A dark head tilts, looking up at the canopy above them.]

You chose a good tree.

[hallowing]

（ sex metaphors at dinner, his new band name! cy makes a soft hm of sound as he cantsn his head like a curious bird to follow sasuke's gaze to the interwoven greenery above. leaves flutter and sway but do not fall, and beneath its welcoming shade the air is cool and inviting as open water on a hot day. ）

I don't even know if it's real. Or — if it's real the way we're used to trees being real, anyway. But it's not half bad, huh?

（ he leans in against sasuke, companionable. kisses his temple. then: ）

I mentioned I like nature. It's... I don't know, I find it restorative. Cleansing, almost. I don't visit a lot of worlds where human structures predate me, but the dirt always does. I might not be older than a single tree but there are a lot of forests that have me beat. It's the closest I ever feel to truly divine, when I'm just... some natural place that's never been touched.

（ that's never known pain, never seen a spill of blood, that's never cradled the bones of fallen soldiers in the dirt until they became just another component of its cycle. when he walks a world, he always knows when battle has happened. when life has been taken. when territory has been claimed. all of that information lives unbidden in the back of his mind, and like a dam surrendering to a swollen river, he is often swept away by it, by the horror and strength of its surge. ）

Not that I don't like cities, too. I like being around people. But I can lose myself in too much living.

[chokuto]

[As he listens to Cy talk, he's aware of the warmth of the man's body against his side—where even this mild gesture of companionship is so new as to feel unreal. It's almost unbelievable to have reached this point with someone so quickly. Then he hears Cy describe the dirt, and divinity, and it makes sense; there is something ancient in Cy, something far beyond words or comprehension, and yet he still makes such an effort to connect. To be present.

Sasuke has not found many people like this, if at all, if anything but the soul-to-soul connection he shares with Naruto. His interactions with others feel too often difficult and unyielding, that stop and start of mistake after mistake. So he doesn't know the proper way to do this—connecting. All he knows is that, with Cy, it feels possible. Almost frighteningly easy.]

Do you have followers, as the god of war? Or as what stands as that god even if the ascension itself was not successful. [It doesn't feel like something Cy would want, or even accept, but now he's curious about this question of divinity.] People who worship the concept of you.

[hallowing]

（ he grabs the second of the bowls of miso, and prises the lid off carefully so as not to spill it. ）

That... requires a bit of background on my universe, I guess.

（ one messy slurp later — ）

I say 'gods', but that's... not quite the right word. It's the word humans use. But what they — we — actually are is an 'aspect'. Some facet of sentient life given form. To the best of my understanding, in the primordial soup of consciousness at the beginning of the universe, as creatures began to gain more complex levels of thinking, of emotions... those emotions shaped that consciousness. Eventually, the soup started to get portioned out into different bowls that governed different things. But each one of them is sort of... fundamental to the structure of existence. I'm holding up a pillar of the world, so to speak.

（ because war, because conflict, because violent death always exist in places where sentient creatures live. it's inevitable. he's never found a single species that has known only peace. ）

There aren't multiple gods of the same thing at our level. The latest planet I've been on, Earth, has like... I don't know, a few hundred different 'war gods' across various polytheistic cultures. Maybe more, lost to time. All of them are me, all of them aren't me. People worship the name or the face or the idea they give to the concept that lives here, （ a tap to his chest. ） and I'm... aware of that. But it's not something I cultivate on purpose, and it's not like I walk around telling people what I am, or inviting them into my bullshit. （ he laughs, and shakes his head. ） I don't know that I've ever given anybody the rundown like this. That much, I'd remember.

[chokuto]

[It requires his mind to grasp at ideas previously unknowable. His knowledge of the world, of any outside universe, is limited to the boundaries of what he's experienced himself—he knows the history of his own nameless planet only because he had to, learned in facing Kaguya and the Ōtsutsuki Clan, learned in the knowledge of himself as a reincarnation of that first born son. So it is like wrapping his mind around a strange shape, hearing Cyram describe the beginning of all sentient life.

There's no disbelief in him, though, because it makes an awful sort of sense. War as this fundamental aspect, rewoven through structures of civilization again and again—he has seen it play out with his own eyes. Men who would go further. Danzou, ceaselessly hungry for power, who would take war in his hands and turn it against his enemies. Madara, and by extension Obito, who in seeking to end the crisis of war upon the shinobi world invited only more of it beneath the illusion of peace.]

I've heard of Earth. [The only other name of a world he's come to know since being here.] ... The world I'm from doesn't have the same creation in that sense. I don't think there is a name that we've given to the idea. We don't worship it; we practice it. [In a way, it's similar enough.] My kind have been in conflict with one another since our genesis—compared to how long you've existed, it's nothing. A thousand years. Yet before that, what sentient life dwelled in that place was still fighting. They just used less effective weapons.

[He cannot imagine an existence without it, let alone his own.

Sasuke sips more quietly on his miso bowl by comparison.]

Has no one asked before? I'm surprised. [A glance from the corners of his eyes.] You're interesting to me.

[hallowing]

I usually work harder to seem human.

（ it's its own sort of answer. cy lifts a shoulder up, halfly shrugging. ）

I figured out early on that wouldn't be possible here, so there wasn't much point to it. I'm sure I've told some people over the years about the immortality, or about being a god. The last guy I married on Earth knew, I remember that much. Well. Not married, it was illegal then, but — the concept. Anyway — those things are easy, but... when people feel like they've reached the natural end of an answer, most don't dig beyond that. They rely on their own assumptions and feelings and instinct, and fill in the gaps of what I don't say, and that's enough.

（ he drains the rest of that miso soup in one long draught, and then sets the styrofoam bowl back down. ）

I don't think I would've told the rest to someone else. I hedged my bets you'd know better than to treat me with pity.

[chokuto]

[Wait—go back.]

You married a man?

[The concept itself has broken his brain in half, he can no longer follow the original thread of his thought.]

[hallowing]

（ oh.

right. ）

Yeah.

（ his gaze drops to his hands, where he'd kept wearing the ring even after james died. it didn't come with him, and sometimes he forgets which finger he wore it on now.

but just about anyone he stays with for the entirety of their life has to know about the immortality sooner or later. some of them leave afterwards, not able to stand it for reasons he's always accepted with relative grace. some stay until the end. james did. ）

Like I said, illegal. But we went through the motions together. I lived with him until he died, which was — just before it became legal where we lived at the time, actually. But I've been 'married' in one cultural context or another, to a lot of people over the centuries, men, women, people who identify as neither or both.

[chokuto]

[Another unbelievable piece of information unearthed from Cy's mind, his experiences of the world, ancient and all-encompassing. Sasuke falls quiet; he doesn't know how exactly to articulate what hearing that makes him feel.

A sting of jealousy—less toward all of Cy's marriages across time, and more for the fact that the marriage itself as described, for love of a person, is such an unattainable thing. He has already considered it. Back in Konoha, chained to tradition as well as the need to build his clan or risk losing it forever, it is a fact he will need to face. There are only so many options. Perhaps leaving was a method to push it off, selfishly.]

I see.

[His ability to communicate his feelings on this subject is woefully unready.]

[hallowing]

（ he loved a boy named naruto, he said. and relationships between men simply weren't done.

cy reaches out and takes his wrist, pulls the mostly-untouched miso from his hands and sets it aside. lets his fingers collar the fine bones there, thumb against the jump of his pulse. ）

We don't have to think about it. What's your opinion on shortcake? Do they have that in Shinobiland?

[chokuto]

[In the cage of that hand, Sasuke's fingers flex, a little like a trapped bird. Grateful to move away from the topic, but also conscious of how easily his mind gets stuck on holes of dark thought.]

I know cake, but I've never heard of that. [Is it short?] I don't really like sweet things. Do you?

[hallowing]

Well shit, that disqualifies me from your affections, then.

（ he'd melt in a rainstorm, obviously. ）

But yeah. Like, not exclusively, but once in a while it's nice to have. Wanna try a piece?

[chokuto]

[That earns an eye roll, but at least it's good-natured. You ridiculous man.]

I'll try it for you.

[At this juncture, there's very little he wouldn't try for Cyram. He's a totally normal, healthy individual who isn't furiously imprinting on the first hot man with trauma who is nice to him, what do you mean?]

[hallowing]

（ cy laughs at that expression, calling one of the little barely-bite-sized cakes into his hand. it's a soft, delicate filigree of cream overlaid on a green base — matcha, which he'd chosen on a whim. it isn't sweet, or at least not as sweet as some of the other options. but for a kid who isn't big on sugar, it might still be too much.

cy holds it up between them, fingers posed at its base so it's posed alluringly aloft. both eyebrows are raised in something half invitation and half challenge — the tomato gently ushered in between his lips wasn't too terribly long ago, and he's showing a remarkable proclivity for adventure and adaptation. now it's just a question of whether or not he'll respond to the implication. ）

[chokuto]

[As accustomed as he's becoming to Cy's casual use of transmatting, he doesn't so much as blink this time at the sudden appearance of the small, sponge-like cake. Then it is lifted up to his lips, a clear indication—as the tomato was fed between his teeth, so seems to be what Cy is coaxing now.

Bite-sized and delicate, it's still a decent mouthful. Sasuke is someone who eats his food slowly, carefully, picking with the spare attention of one prone to losing their appetite. But he won't turn down this challenge, not when it's Cy—not as charged as this feels, the tickle of soft cream at his lips. That sugary scent in his nose.

Lips part, taking all of it from Cy's fingers with an obedience that is accompanied by direct eye contact. It's a stretch just to fit the dessert into his mouth at once, jaw clenching down, thoroughly beginning to chew. A dollop of cream is chased from Cy's thumb with a quick, pink tongue.]

[hallowing]

（ that eye contact makes one corner of his mouth quirk up, appreciative of both the view and the attempt, and the little baby steps into an attempt at something seductive and playful is absolutely not lost on him. when sasuke laps at his thumb, he pushes it forward in pursuit, rubbing against his bottom lip. ）

You're gonna look so fucking hot sucking dick.

（ there's a little thrum of fond praise in how he says it. the way someone would speak about a masterpiece, half-finished but taking shape. seeing the promise of future beauty in the vague shape of stone. ）

Do you want to learn?

[chokuto]

[He's imagined it, since Cy performed the act for him—branded now into his memory with real and visceral permanency. And every time the thought has come into his head since, it was always Cy whose knees he sank between. Always Cy who steadied him with hands in his hair, dark and filthy words in his ear. What does he taste like? What would it feel like? The hunger is like fire in his belly, warming straight through to an ache of arousal.

Swallowing, throat working around the shortcake—and though he tastes it, a muted kind of sweetness with the matcha—he's more interested in the flavor salt on Cy's thumb against his lower lip.]

Yes. Can we try?

[hallowing]

Hell yeah we can.

（ like he's going to say NO? ）

For the record, if there's ever anything you want to try, we can do it. There's a few things I'm not super fond of, but I don't mind doing for instructional purposes or interest. Whether you wanna top or bottom, or try Domming or subbing, sweetheart, I am open to possibility. My body is your playground, go wild.

[chokuto]

[The way his traumatized little Grinch heart grows every time Cy calls him sweetheart. He's never going to get used to it.]

What don't you like?

[The idea of practicing something Cy wouldn't be into is—unappealing, but he doesn't know what would even make that list. Cy's experience is so expansive.]

[hallowing]

Well, not a big fan of being pissed on. Or crapped on, I've held way too many babies to make that erotic literally at all.

（ the least normal way of saying 'no scat or watersports' actually. ）

I don't get anything out of someone trying to humiliate me during sex. Not really into like, animal roleplay. Garden variety pet play is kinda 'eh'. I'm not gonna take somebody out for walkies on a leash while they bark like a dog, but I respect their desire to play out that kink. Rimming — tongue in someone's ass basically — is hit or miss based on personal hygiene. If I'm gonna do that one I usually make a point of having a sexy mutual scrub down in the shower first so everybody's nice and provably tidy.

（ he gives it a moment's consideration, then: ）

Some people are into DDLG/LB stuff, which is short for 'Daddy Dom/Little Girl or Boy'. That's where there's often a component of infantilization, or age regression, and a focus on a kinda parental style caretaking. It can be sexual but isn't always. Not really into that either. It's not a trigger — something that upsets me, something traumatic, me or weirds me out as an FYI — it just doesn't turn me on, either. I guess most of the things I don't really care for are tied in some way to someone acting outside themselves somehow, assuming a completely different persona or changing significantly from how they present normally. Like, one of the things in the BDSM community is that you step carefully so you're not shaming anyone for a kink — because a lot of them come from trauma or experiences that people are trying to work through — and they're a hundred percent valid for that reason, but it's not for me.

（ a bit of a laugh. ）

I guess just don't piss on me or slap me and call me a pussy during sex, or express an urge to use a litter box and eat tuna off a plate and we're probably fine for the most part. Oh, and while I meant what I said about like, Every Kink Is Valid — fuck the weirdos who want to take their kinks out to like a public park, even if it's just like... wheeling your slave in a gimp suit around on a wagon or something. Involving other people in your kink without consent is a big ol' fucking nope from me. Kink shit stays in kink space, and I will fight god about that one.

1/2

[chokuto]

[

Let me just DIGEST ALL OF THAT FOR A FEW MOMENTS, thank you.]

2/2

[chokuto]

[Having only recently been exposed to the concept of kinks, not to mention that he may possess some of his own—dubious, questionable, though normalized/accepted by Cy—he listens, grasping for some comprehension. He is grateful that Cy explains as he goes, even as the sexually explicit images stack up in his mind to a towering height of unimaginable crudity.

Sincerely, Sasuke did not know sex could be so complex.

"Gimp suit"? He will not pursue that one.]

... I don't know that I would be interested in any of that. [A blowjob is the most sexually deviant act he has considered recently, next to the actual "sex" he would like to have with Cy, someday. And the toys Cy had gifted him? So, so lewd. Downright obscene.] Some of it sounds unsanitary. But no, I...

[Hm.]

I wouldn't want to expose myself like that publicly either. [He can hardly imagine holding someone's hand in visible line of sight.] How did anyone come up with these things?

[hallowing]

Humans are weird and kinks are boundless.

（ he reaches for another little piece of celery off the crudités plate, chewing on it as he speaks: ）

I don't have a problem with public sex. I actually do monitoring in a dungeon — kink dungeon, not the other kind — back home, which basically means that I make sure things are safe and above board for the participants. I've had some good fun running free use scenes, for instance — setting a sub up to be used by other men or women while I oversee it. But that's still behind kinda-closed doors, you know?

（ but while they're on the topic he should probably say more about what he does like. ）

By the way — no pressure on my likes either. I know you're getting the hang of that by now, so I won't keep harping on it, but for my own peace of mind — happy to float these ideas your way, and never do them if they don't appeal to you. （ given the gravity of what they discussed not too long ago, he's sure sasuke will get why the extra step of clarity exists. ） I like doing things like spankings, flogging, general impact play. Getting someone so worked over they can't sit down after is pretty fucking nice — but the aftercare is absolutely critical there and I wouldn't ever scene without it. Knife play's a harder sell, needs a lot of trust on both sides. Tying people up, blindfolding them, edging, orgasm denial, all that kinda stuff. Fucking love using sex toys on a partner, which you might've figured out by now. Getting people to beg is... ah.

（ he shakes his head just a bit, and makes a breathy exhalation of sound. ）

Well, let's just say it turns my crank. Whether part of the scene is that they're begging me to stop but not safewording out, or they're begging me to — I don't know, fuck them, fill them, come inside them, let them come, it doesn't really matter to me. All forms equally welcome. But if you don't wanna get into any of that yet, or ever, that's fine too. Straight up vanilla sex is also pretty great, and I already know I'm gonna want to fuck you a thousand different ways without ever breaking out a set of fuzzy handcuffs, so the rest is up to you.

[chokuto]

[He cannot possibly listen to Cy describe what he enjoys and remain unaffected. Where the previous descriptions had shriveled some of that interest, now it's renewed, stoked by the drawling cadence of Cy's voice. The variety is difficult for his mind to grasp onto specificity—but listening to those words, appended at the end by such a bold statement of intent, is enough.

The rush of arousal is hot, vivid. Sitting on the blanket, Sasuke is aware of the sudden pulse between his own folded thighs, cock stirring, attention dovetailing from the meal altogether. He is aware that he wants... all of that, or at least he wants to try it. Pain, knives, obedience and control. Even the humiliating thought of begging. Under Cy's hands, anything feels possible—at least in that moment, in the blasé and confident way it's intoned.]

Cyram.

[Low and almost petulant, he hesitates on how to approach this sudden predicament of tunnel-visioned lust. His face is undeniably red.]

I'm finished eating.