[He folds himself in against Cy with no effort, starved for the security those arms provide in a way that is difficult to fully acknowledge. Easier to tuck his head in against Cy's shoulder, to smell the familiar scent of his skin and hair â and, slowly, to let go of the memories that have resurfaced with this retelling.
There's only one way to answer what Cy asks him then.]
I don't know. [As close as he is, he seems to try to be closer, pressing in tighter, those bloody characters sealed between them.] I thought I did. I would wander the world for some time and come to terms with myself, with being alive â I would atone, protect what Naruto had created after the war, and then I'd return. I'd find a woman. We would have children.
[Faltering, a stumble in the way his breath hitches.]
I don't believe that I want that anymore. But I don't know.
[The only thing he wants is here against him, and Sasuke's heart trips faster at the thought, too fearful. It's too heavy, means too much.]
[He understands the reference, but... he's afraid to agree to it. And it's so much easier to follow that fear than it is to seek calm beneath the kiss Cy presses to his neck.]
[His right hand slips up almost against his will, sliding into Cy's hair to cradle the man's head in at his shoulder, hiding the vulnerable expression that breaks across his own face.]
You don't know how long that will be. [Worse â] What if we don't have a choice? Either one of us could vanish tomorrow.
We wouldn't know how long it would be elsewhere, either.
īŧ one arm stays anchored, but his right hand lifts to cradle the back of sasuke's head very gently, curling into hair like an inkblot bled onto the night sky. īŧ
The only thing we're ever promised is an end. But for now we have each other. Right now means more than all the tomorrows left until the universe goes dark and cold and airless. And if one of us vanishes — I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt. It'd gut me to lose you. But I'm still better for having met you at all than I would have been alone.
Traitorously, the words come into his mind â and once they're affixed, he finds himself spiraling. He tells himself to do as Cy asked, to handle the knife, but the blade becomes loose and slippery in his fingers, and his grip fails, and it slices all the way down. Dark, viscous terror spills out from the wound. You don't understand, because he can't think of the moment, he can't think of today without tomorrow, and it won't only gut him to lose Cy. He doesn't know how it happened, how this man became so important to him or how he allowed it to slip beneath every barrier he's raised between himself and the world â but to be confronted with the idea of losing Cy hurts more than he expects. The sudden force of that emotion takes him by surprise, like a swift blow to the center of his chest.
How can Cy simply accept the future ending? No, of course he can, because he's had to. There's no choice for a person that has lived tens of thousands of years. The way it is is the way it is. Time will happen to him, eventually, and Sasuke will be gone from his memory. Cy has known this since the beginning. Sasuke thought he also knew this. Isn't it why he chose to ask for Cy's help? Yet in light of what they've discussed â home, and loneliness, and wanting â he is reminded that he has lost everything and everyone and he doesn't know that he can do it again. He doesn't know that it is possible without succumbing to the trench of his own self, a madness of despair built into every cell and fiber of his being. Wouldn't it be better to die than to have to live, again, alone?
It drowns him. His breaths come shorter, a panicked rhythm, and he struggles to escape Cy's arms in search of air, fumbling backward until he's managed to trip himself over the side of the bed and onto the floor where he curls up.]
īŧ the first moment of panic, he lets him go. he knew what he was asking, and what he'd offered, and what it would mean, and it costs him nothing to let his arms drop away. and when sasuke trips and drops to the floor and doesn't fucking move, cy just. lets his breath out in a soft gust, gathers up the blanket that has spent all this time rucked up along the edge of the bed.
he slips to the floor rather more gracefully to sit cross legged — his thighs still tacky with dried come that flakes away as he moves — and he throws the blanket over sasuke's shoulders and the tight curled ball of his body that has to be a holdover from childhood, an attempt at self-soothing that never quite brought comfort, and then just lets his hand rest over the blanket, against his shoulder. warmth and weight. īŧ
[The world careens out of his awareness to the bright, tinny noise in his ears, fear slurring senses and making everything feel unreal. His heart pounds dully, his hands sweat, his chest is tight. He knows all of these symptoms because he has felt them before â frequently in childhood and later only when he knew he was alone, when no one was watching.
Cy's voice comes through to him, and for a moment he doesn't know what the words mean. Then it centers; the practice, like coming down from a great height, begins to slow his pulse. Square breathing. In, hold, out. In, hold, out. He is aware of the blanket around his shoulders, and he reaches up to grasp it, pulling it like a shield, fumbling until he discovers where Cy has placed his hand and then trying to hold onto him through the fabric.
It takes time, but eventually â the panic recedes. But the emotion is still there, waiting for him, lurking like some monster under the floor. His voice drags out of his throat, threadbare.]
īŧ once the touch is accepted, cy takes it a step further — he just scoops sasuke directly into his lap, blanket and all. whether this is awkward or not, or an odd array of limbs or not seems to be well beyond his concern. īŧ
You won't, as long as it's in my power.
īŧ one hand slips below the blanket and catches at sasuke's hand at that desperate grasping fro him. just holding him. īŧ
You just experienced something called a panic attack. You're going to feel cold and thirsty just now, and a full body ache. Let's start with putting the focus on letting go of the tension in your body. Start with your hand in mind. Think about how warm my hand is, how good that feels, the individual places where your fingers are clenched on me. Relax them one at a time.
īŧ slowly, gently, he walks him through it. that slow uncurling. and when he's done, cy fetches a water and a couple of ibuprofen from the nightstand, offered out. īŧ
We're going to talk about this again later, okay? But for now just be present with me.
[He listens, docile in the hold as he's gathered up into Cy's lap â and to his own humiliation, he finds himself sheltering closer like a child in search of comfort. Panic attack, Cy tells him. A foreign phrase for a common enough phenomenon in his life.
Yet he tries, as always, to follow Cy's instruction. It's easy because Cy's hand is very warm; he can feel how their fingers thread together in a touch rapidly becoming a steady fixture of his life. He consciously attempts to loosen the clench of knuckles, until only the pressure of Cy's grip keeps their hands together. Then he considers how warm the rest of Cy is through the blanket, and how much he's come to enjoy pressing himself up against that center of heat, leanly carved muscle and smooth skin and the barest scrape of stubbling hair. For intimacy not only sexual, not only what this place demands of them â but for the mere security of a physical presence at his side.
When he's done, he thirsts and aches but he is not cold. Cy makes certain of that. The water is sipped, the pills taken.]
I want to stay with you tonight.
[It's a quiet voice, tone asking, but still a great leap from the last time they had discussed sharing space.]
Sweetheart, I was already planning on you staying.
īŧ sasuke curls closer, and cy makes room for him. his body language is easy, open, inviting, and anywhere sasuke presses in he carves out space. he puts his arms around him, and just leans against him, leaning slightly like a sheltering tree. īŧ
I want you here. I want you with me. And it doesn't bother me when you experience these feelings, okay? I get them too. That's just a knife I've had practice with.
[Finally the tension drains out of him like a sieve, and he's left more relaxed in Cy's arms â exhausted, a wound bled out to the cusp of what his body can contain. He cranes up to kiss Cy's jaw because he doesn't know how else to put into words what that reassurance means.]
Thank you. [...] I'd like to clean you up. I should have taken care of you, after what we did last.
[He wants to be better, for Cy. And perhaps there is a selfish element too, an act of service that will communicate what he feels naturally.]
You still can. There isn't some magical aftercare timer in the sky that starts counting down the second you jizz on somebody.
īŧ he shifts his grip on sasuke and stands with him, lifting him up with no sign of strain so he can return them to the bed. he puts sasuke closer to the wall, and just curls around him in a protective parenthesis, tucked into his negative spaces as he drags the soft lilac blanket over them both as if it could blot out the broader world. īŧ
But it's okay if you want to just stay like this for a while, too. You had a busy day. I came all over you, spanked you, we got kinda into rape play, we had a nice chat about breeding kink, and then I made you do all this emotional labour thinking about grief and loss and panic. That's some exhausting shit, and even if it hasn't hit you just yet, all of those things take a toll on you. No wonder you're worn thin emotionally. It's okay to rest. You feel safe like this?
[The ridiculous words, at first, coax a dry snort of laughter â one small sign he's returning to normal. Carried to the bed, he doesn't hesitate to entangle their legs once Cy has cocooned them into the plush fabric of the blanket. He can feel where blood and spend and lubricant has dried on Cy's body, but instead of discomfort it only heightens how close he feels to the man, as if establishing some tangible evidence of their connection no matter how temporary.]
Yes. I've said it before, but â I feel safer here with you than I have since I was a child. [In that tired state, he tries to be clear about his feelings, even if it rips him down to the wick of vulnerability in the process. With Cy, he knows at least the sentiment will be protected.] Yet it's strange. I know that I've always been capable of feeling deeply, but it's almost... more intense now. I don't know if it's because I've stopped fighting against it, as if by trying to relax I've lost some control over those emotions. I don't usually have such strong reactions. Not in front of other people.
[Speaking of what he feels seems to give it power; he shivers, hiking a leg up over both of Cy's in their embrace.]
Perhaps it's also because I'm used to communicating through battle alone.
Sex and sparring have a lot in common. They're both dialects of the same language.
īŧ he laces their hands, and lifts both up demonstrably. then he disentangles them and makes a fist to bump gently against sasuke's knuckles. īŧ
In sparring, you can express anger, loss, confidence, warmth, playfulness, solemnity, exhaustion, affection. Same thing in sex. As for the feelings... ah. Knives, but I've got you. Mind your breathing.
īŧ he captures sasuke's hand anew, and then brings it close so he can bite thoughtfully at one of his knuckles like a dog worrying at a toy. īŧ
If you look at the bond between two people as... give and take, ebb and flow... then emotions are something you pour into other people. It can be used to nourish them. It can be used to deepen a bond. It can be used to excise something from yourself. But what's important is the balance. I told you that sex isn't transactional because it isn't. Emotional resonance isn't transactional either — people need different things from others, and give different things from themselves. But if you can't stand somewhere close to equal with what's given, what's taken, it causes problems down the line. You give me a piece of cake and I give you a bag of chips — they're different things, but they are meeting a need we both have in giving and accepting and eating, you know? And they both express that we've been present, that we've paid attention, been mindful of each other. You took the bacon off that sandwich. I remembered you liked tomatoes.
īŧ a lot of people understand what dominance and submission are. they think that it creates an innate power imbalance that is held to viciously, ruthlessly. that one person is subjugated, and one the subjugator.
but the truth is, at its core, about exchange. about equality. and more than anything else, it's about trust. īŧ
You're not accustomed to connection. So your ability to regulate what you pour into others is lower than it would be with someone who's had more practice. But... if you want to talk in terms of metaphors, when you're with me, the vessel you're filling has higher capacity than most people. So you feel comfortable because I can take more, and I feel good because that expression of trust and intimacy, that demonstration of the ways you feel safe and how that safety expresses itself means a lot to me. It's normal to tip over into extreme emotion when you find someone that can take all of you unflinching. Especially since so much of your life has been lived lonely. But I told you I'd protect what you give me, and I meant it. The more you feel safe, the more the walls come down, and you've got a lot pent up. Here — īŧ his free hand squirms free from wherever it was pinned in the tangle of their bodies, and he taps against sasuke's chest, over the heart. īŧ and here. īŧ similarly, there's a soft little bonk against his forehead. īŧ So sometimes it's a flood. And that's okay. Notice how every time you feel these emotions, or you have these reactions, it gets easier? Less intense to stand? And how you're able to regulate a little more efficiently each time, right? That's because you're doing the work. It's not me, sweetheart. It's you, learning and growing and changing, developing ways to accept and understand and move forward from yourself.
[He has learned so much from Cy so far, that this is â an extension of that. Another lesson. Yet the impact sinks through him, buoyant with significance, laid out between them in what he has come to recognize as a bond. Cy states it so plainly: You took the bacon off that sandwich. I remembered you liked tomatoes. And he sees it, because he has done it before, storied in little ways throughout childhood. When he fed Naruto on the training field. When he would share his belongings with Naruto on missions. And, in return, Naruto gave him companionship, friendship, tethering that first bond with a warmth he hadn't felt since his family was alive. They were able to give each other what they both needed most.
There's an instinct to feel bad, filling up Cy's capacity, but this time he tries to corral it with the knowledge that Cy would not do what he couldn't take, that he also has a need to be met. And perhaps that is the most important point. Could someone else handle him this well? Would they align along those same shattered grooves of need? Would he not make a mess of any other relationship? He's seen the evidence in the history of his own actions. Even Naruto, who understands his heart so well â they've hurt each other. They lash out, and fight, and the difference is they're able to mend the damage after. Naruto's propensity for healing and forgiveness undoes his own explosive tendencies.
With Cy, it's different. It is like a cool, deep pool that surrounds him in its embrace, that takes him under, that unknots the worst tangles before they become bunched, before they ache and blister. Knives. He breathes through the awareness that something in him has shifted; that tap at his chest, then his forehead, coax him forward to bury his face into Cy's throat. Sentiment is vivid but goes unvoiced. It doesn't stop it from beating like a second pulse through his blood.]
You're important to me. [I love you.] If I'm changing, then it's because of you. [I love you.] I think that I was meant to meet you. [I love you so much.]
[He shudders, exhaling slowly, voice reduced to a tired murmur.]
Thank you for being willing to listen, and learn. And stand all my old-man-yelling-at-cloud tendencies.
īŧ at that closer nestle of attention, cy cradles a hand at his nape, pressing soft kisses against his hair. īŧ
We should probably get some sleep. Want another spanking when we wake up? You'll be sore tomorrow, so maybe we can set a lower limit, but nice way to kick the day off. You cheated with the French, after all.
īŧ a thoughtful hum. then: īŧ
Then maybe we can go spar. You haven't seen me in action yet, it's gonna make you super horny.
I didn't cheat with French. When I told you that I wanted to learn to speak it, I didn't expect our lessons to begin during sex.
[A huff, halfway to laughter.]
But I'd like that. Everything you've suggested. [Spending time with Cy, first and foremost.] I'm not used to... looking forward to something. To tomorrow.
[Drowsy and not minding the messy press of their skin for once, he settles in.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 04:22 am (UTC)There's only one way to answer what Cy asks him then.]
I don't know. [As close as he is, he seems to try to be closer, pressing in tighter, those bloody characters sealed between them.] I thought I did. I would wander the world for some time and come to terms with myself, with being alive â I would atone, protect what Naruto had created after the war, and then I'd return. I'd find a woman. We would have children.
[Faltering, a stumble in the way his breath hitches.]
I don't believe that I want that anymore. But I don't know.
[The only thing he wants is here against him, and Sasuke's heart trips faster at the thought, too fearful. It's too heavy, means too much.]
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 04:34 am (UTC)he turns just enough to kiss the side of sasuke's neck, over the shivering sluice of blood there, steady as a drumline. īŧ
Hey, you wanna handle a knife for me?
īŧ yes this is clearly code. īŧ
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 04:41 am (UTC)I'll â try. How?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 04:43 am (UTC)īŧ it's an entreaty. soft as the slip of dawn across the mountains, where the mist is so dense it casts shadows. īŧ
What you want, I mean.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 04:48 am (UTC)You don't know how long that will be. [Worse â] What if we don't have a choice? Either one of us could vanish tomorrow.
[A thought enough to torment him frequently.]
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 05:02 am (UTC)īŧ one arm stays anchored, but his right hand lifts to cradle the back of sasuke's head very gently, curling into hair like an inkblot bled onto the night sky. īŧ
The only thing we're ever promised is an end. But for now we have each other. Right now means more than all the tomorrows left until the universe goes dark and cold and airless. And if one of us vanishes — I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt. It'd gut me to lose you. But I'm still better for having met you at all than I would have been alone.
we were overdue a freakout i guess
Date: 2024-03-08 05:32 am (UTC)Traitorously, the words come into his mind â and once they're affixed, he finds himself spiraling. He tells himself to do as Cy asked, to handle the knife, but the blade becomes loose and slippery in his fingers, and his grip fails, and it slices all the way down. Dark, viscous terror spills out from the wound. You don't understand, because he can't think of the moment, he can't think of today without tomorrow, and it won't only gut him to lose Cy. He doesn't know how it happened, how this man became so important to him or how he allowed it to slip beneath every barrier he's raised between himself and the world â but to be confronted with the idea of losing Cy hurts more than he expects. The sudden force of that emotion takes him by surprise, like a swift blow to the center of his chest.
How can Cy simply accept the future ending? No, of course he can, because he's had to. There's no choice for a person that has lived tens of thousands of years. The way it is is the way it is. Time will happen to him, eventually, and Sasuke will be gone from his memory. Cy has known this since the beginning. Sasuke thought he also knew this. Isn't it why he chose to ask for Cy's help? Yet in light of what they've discussed â home, and loneliness, and wanting â he is reminded that he has lost everything and everyone and he doesn't know that he can do it again. He doesn't know that it is possible without succumbing to the trench of his own self, a madness of despair built into every cell and fiber of his being. Wouldn't it be better to die than to have to live, again, alone?
It drowns him. His breaths come shorter, a panicked rhythm, and he struggles to escape Cy's arms in search of air, fumbling backward until he's managed to trip himself over the side of the bed and onto the floor where he curls up.]
this is so tame for an uchiha freakout he hasn't tried to sew bits of cy to his tiddy yet
Date: 2024-03-08 05:42 am (UTC)he slips to the floor rather more gracefully to sit cross legged — his thighs still tacky with dried come that flakes away as he moves — and he throws the blanket over sasuke's shoulders and the tight curled ball of his body that has to be a holdover from childhood, an attempt at self-soothing that never quite brought comfort, and then just lets his hand rest over the blanket, against his shoulder. warmth and weight. īŧ
Breathe the way I taught you.
i mean. i guess i can put that on the list.
Date: 2024-03-08 06:00 am (UTC)Cy's voice comes through to him, and for a moment he doesn't know what the words mean. Then it centers; the practice, like coming down from a great height, begins to slow his pulse. Square breathing. In, hold, out. In, hold, out. He is aware of the blanket around his shoulders, and he reaches up to grasp it, pulling it like a shield, fumbling until he discovers where Cy has placed his hand and then trying to hold onto him through the fabric.
It takes time, but eventually â the panic recedes. But the emotion is still there, waiting for him, lurking like some monster under the floor. His voice drags out of his throat, threadbare.]
I can't lose you too.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 03:49 pm (UTC)You won't, as long as it's in my power.
īŧ one hand slips below the blanket and catches at sasuke's hand at that desperate grasping fro him. just holding him. īŧ
You just experienced something called a panic attack. You're going to feel cold and thirsty just now, and a full body ache. Let's start with putting the focus on letting go of the tension in your body. Start with your hand in mind. Think about how warm my hand is, how good that feels, the individual places where your fingers are clenched on me. Relax them one at a time.
īŧ slowly, gently, he walks him through it. that slow uncurling. and when he's done, cy fetches a water and a couple of ibuprofen from the nightstand, offered out. īŧ
We're going to talk about this again later, okay? But for now just be present with me.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 05:23 pm (UTC)Yet he tries, as always, to follow Cy's instruction. It's easy because Cy's hand is very warm; he can feel how their fingers thread together in a touch rapidly becoming a steady fixture of his life. He consciously attempts to loosen the clench of knuckles, until only the pressure of Cy's grip keeps their hands together. Then he considers how warm the rest of Cy is through the blanket, and how much he's come to enjoy pressing himself up against that center of heat, leanly carved muscle and smooth skin and the barest scrape of stubbling hair. For intimacy not only sexual, not only what this place demands of them â but for the mere security of a physical presence at his side.
When he's done, he thirsts and aches but he is not cold. Cy makes certain of that. The water is sipped, the pills taken.]
I want to stay with you tonight.
[It's a quiet voice, tone asking, but still a great leap from the last time they had discussed sharing space.]
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 05:34 pm (UTC)īŧ sasuke curls closer, and cy makes room for him. his body language is easy, open, inviting, and anywhere sasuke presses in he carves out space. he puts his arms around him, and just leans against him, leaning slightly like a sheltering tree. īŧ
I want you here. I want you with me. And it doesn't bother me when you experience these feelings, okay? I get them too. That's just a knife I've had practice with.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 05:51 pm (UTC)Thank you. [...] I'd like to clean you up. I should have taken care of you, after what we did last.
[He wants to be better, for Cy. And perhaps there is a selfish element too, an act of service that will communicate what he feels naturally.]
cw: rape-play mention
Date: 2024-03-08 06:07 pm (UTC)īŧ he shifts his grip on sasuke and stands with him, lifting him up with no sign of strain so he can return them to the bed. he puts sasuke closer to the wall, and just curls around him in a protective parenthesis, tucked into his negative spaces as he drags the soft lilac blanket over them both as if it could blot out the broader world. īŧ
But it's okay if you want to just stay like this for a while, too. You had a busy day. I came all over you, spanked you, we got kinda into rape play, we had a nice chat about breeding kink, and then I made you do all this emotional labour thinking about grief and loss and panic. That's some exhausting shit, and even if it hasn't hit you just yet, all of those things take a toll on you. No wonder you're worn thin emotionally. It's okay to rest. You feel safe like this?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 06:26 pm (UTC)Yes. I've said it before, but â I feel safer here with you than I have since I was a child. [In that tired state, he tries to be clear about his feelings, even if it rips him down to the wick of vulnerability in the process. With Cy, he knows at least the sentiment will be protected.] Yet it's strange. I know that I've always been capable of feeling deeply, but it's almost... more intense now. I don't know if it's because I've stopped fighting against it, as if by trying to relax I've lost some control over those emotions. I don't usually have such strong reactions. Not in front of other people.
[Speaking of what he feels seems to give it power; he shivers, hiking a leg up over both of Cy's in their embrace.]
Perhaps it's also because I'm used to communicating through battle alone.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 06:59 pm (UTC)īŧ he laces their hands, and lifts both up demonstrably. then he disentangles them and makes a fist to bump gently against sasuke's knuckles. īŧ
In sparring, you can express anger, loss, confidence, warmth, playfulness, solemnity, exhaustion, affection. Same thing in sex. As for the feelings... ah. Knives, but I've got you. Mind your breathing.
īŧ he captures sasuke's hand anew, and then brings it close so he can bite thoughtfully at one of his knuckles like a dog worrying at a toy. īŧ
If you look at the bond between two people as... give and take, ebb and flow... then emotions are something you pour into other people. It can be used to nourish them. It can be used to deepen a bond. It can be used to excise something from yourself. But what's important is the balance. I told you that sex isn't transactional because it isn't. Emotional resonance isn't transactional either — people need different things from others, and give different things from themselves. But if you can't stand somewhere close to equal with what's given, what's taken, it causes problems down the line. You give me a piece of cake and I give you a bag of chips — they're different things, but they are meeting a need we both have in giving and accepting and eating, you know? And they both express that we've been present, that we've paid attention, been mindful of each other. You took the bacon off that sandwich. I remembered you liked tomatoes.
īŧ a lot of people understand what dominance and submission are. they think that it creates an innate power imbalance that is held to viciously, ruthlessly. that one person is subjugated, and one the subjugator.
but the truth is, at its core, about exchange. about equality. and more than anything else, it's about trust. īŧ
You're not accustomed to connection. So your ability to regulate what you pour into others is lower than it would be with someone who's had more practice. But... if you want to talk in terms of metaphors, when you're with me, the vessel you're filling has higher capacity than most people. So you feel comfortable because I can take more, and I feel good because that expression of trust and intimacy, that demonstration of the ways you feel safe and how that safety expresses itself means a lot to me. It's normal to tip over into extreme emotion when you find someone that can take all of you unflinching. Especially since so much of your life has been lived lonely. But I told you I'd protect what you give me, and I meant it. The more you feel safe, the more the walls come down, and you've got a lot pent up. Here — īŧ his free hand squirms free from wherever it was pinned in the tangle of their bodies, and he taps against sasuke's chest, over the heart. īŧ and here. īŧ similarly, there's a soft little bonk against his forehead. īŧ So sometimes it's a flood. And that's okay. Notice how every time you feel these emotions, or you have these reactions, it gets easier? Less intense to stand? And how you're able to regulate a little more efficiently each time, right? That's because you're doing the work. It's not me, sweetheart. It's you, learning and growing and changing, developing ways to accept and understand and move forward from yourself.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 08:19 pm (UTC)There's an instinct to feel bad, filling up Cy's capacity, but this time he tries to corral it with the knowledge that Cy would not do what he couldn't take, that he also has a need to be met. And perhaps that is the most important point. Could someone else handle him this well? Would they align along those same shattered grooves of need? Would he not make a mess of any other relationship? He's seen the evidence in the history of his own actions. Even Naruto, who understands his heart so well â they've hurt each other. They lash out, and fight, and the difference is they're able to mend the damage after. Naruto's propensity for healing and forgiveness undoes his own explosive tendencies.
With Cy, it's different. It is like a cool, deep pool that surrounds him in its embrace, that takes him under, that unknots the worst tangles before they become bunched, before they ache and blister. Knives. He breathes through the awareness that something in him has shifted; that tap at his chest, then his forehead, coax him forward to bury his face into Cy's throat. Sentiment is vivid but goes unvoiced. It doesn't stop it from beating like a second pulse through his blood.]
You're important to me. [I love you.] If I'm changing, then it's because of you. [I love you.] I think that I was meant to meet you. [I love you so much.]
[He shudders, exhaling slowly, voice reduced to a tired murmur.]
Thank you for teaching me.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 09:16 pm (UTC)īŧ at that closer nestle of attention, cy cradles a hand at his nape, pressing soft kisses against his hair. īŧ
We should probably get some sleep. Want another spanking when we wake up? You'll be sore tomorrow, so maybe we can set a lower limit, but nice way to kick the day off. You cheated with the French, after all.
īŧ a thoughtful hum. then: īŧ
Then maybe we can go spar. You haven't seen me in action yet, it's gonna make you super horny.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-08 09:50 pm (UTC)[A huff, halfway to laughter.]
But I'd like that. Everything you've suggested. [Spending time with Cy, first and foremost.] I'm not used to... looking forward to something. To tomorrow.
[Drowsy and not minding the messy press of their skin for once, he settles in.]
Try to get some rest too, Cy.