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ᴄʏʀᴀᴍ ﹙🇴​ɥɔɐʎʌ ᴉɔ ǝ🇱​ɥ🇳​ɐ﹚ ([personal profile] hallowing) wrote2024-01-04 07:28 am
Entry tags:

ic inbox;

@torontonian
TEXT

AUDIO

VIDEO

ACTION

chokuto: (pic#16070843)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
[can you please slurp your noodles a little quieter while he's going through this life-defining experience]

The dildo.

[A quick, snap judgment. He won't elaborate on why, and he expects Cy won't ask. If he does, Sasuke will have to do some mental gymnastics around the fact that he'd prefer not to outright confess that 'simulated penetrative sex' is his deciding factor.

Except now he has to traverse that second stipulation. In a brief lapse of quiet, Sasuke extracts the necessary items from the box, propping the pump of lubricant against the wall within easy reach, then tucking the dildo itself between his thighs beneath the blanket—a thoughtless, intuitive gesture to get it warmed by his body heat. He once did the same with the injections and medical ointment Kabuto prescribed him.]


It's worse when you use clinical terms. [In another context, once upon a time, he preferred clinical terms. It afforded distance and higher thinking. That is not what he wants here.] Do it the other way.

[Also, so he doesn't have to say that he liked when Cy used crass language before.]
chokuto: (pic#15621061)

cw: kinda pain play vibes

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
[He decides not to remark on the distinctly audible sound of chewing. It's preferable, in fact. It means Cy isn't paying attention to him—or at least not fully, not with any spotlight of focus that might encourage Sasuke to wither beneath its glare. So he listens instead to the drawling voice, letting it fill his mind even when not all of its content absorbs due to his own distraction.

Setting his teeth, he pumps a liberal dollop of clear lubricant into the palm of his hand, then smears it with callused fingertips, gathering enough that liquid gel drips on the way south beneath the blanket and around his hips. Gratefully, the towel catches any mess.

And then he reaches, wet fingers sliding down the crease of his ass to the tight hole waiting there, ring of muscle unyielding to the first prying probe—so he simply strokes across it in a smear of lube. His breath catches, a flicker across audio.]


Trying. Wait. [Index, Cy said. Yet he uses his thicker middle instead, daring to push his own limits for no reason other than the self-satisfaction of slight disobedience and because he has always been this way. That, and there's something about it, the burn that comes with the first breach of a rough, wet knuckle. Cy won't even know. If he did, what would he say?] I'm pushing the finger in.

[His voice has definitely changed, a little raspy now, a little airless as if he's not taking full breaths.]

It's... [a tight fit, but he's handled far worse. He's been stabbed, beaten, tortured, mutilated. This is nothing.] It's all the way inside.
chokuto: (pic#16070709)

👼

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 03:28 am (UTC)(link)
[The praise lights up in him as he thaws to this act, its newness broken like a seal, pushing his middle finger in as deep as he can take it, drawing it back out, and while Cy talks he's already greased more lube on his hand to return it down, down. Back to the slippery rim of his hole, joining two fingers together in their thicker width, pushing them in with an unrelenting turn of his wrist.

It burns, too much too fast. But he likes it. The sound it elicits is low, straining to be quiet—the walls are thin, here—but unable to conceal the effect it has on him as Cy goes on. Imagine I'm watching you, so he does, eyes closed, the image of Cy looming over him like he had before, a lean dark shadow. Don't hide, and without thinking Sasuke kicks the blanket down his legs obediently in a flutter of fabric; he feels the dildo roll out from between his thighs but he doesn't reach for it yet.]


In, [a gust of breath,] both fingers. It was easy. [If only for his pain tolerance, maybe.] Nnh... Cy, how long like this?

[The stretch is a pleasant ache that he finds himself squirming to satisfy, scissoring as advised, but it's not what he wants. Fingering himself open like this—he's impatient for the next step. I want it, he doesn't know how to say.]
chokuto: (pic#15621098)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 04:07 am (UTC)(link)
[He follows those instructions as told. Withdraws his hand, wipes it off, hunts for the dildo where it has escaped on the bedsheet—more lube, generously (and sloppily in his haste) greased over the shape of the toy. It's slick and shining; he wipes his hand again, lowers it down behind himself, listening to Cy's words, breath now coming out quick and rapid, fluttery...

The blunt head nudges against his hole, then it's eased inside, stretching the tight ring of muscle. The intrusion burns even better than his fingers, though with less give. Out, in again. He's doing this slow enough to see stars behind closed eyelids when Cy asks that question.

Does he want pain? There really is no other answer. Pain is a constant companion in his life, there at his worst and his best moments. The satisfaction of a mastered jutsu. The thrill of a close call. The victory over a strong opponent. The bitter frustration of failure. Companionable, too, because he's shared it—given it, taken it—with all of the people who have ever mattered to him.]


Yes. I want it to hurt.
Edited (tweaks) 2024-01-15 04:08 (UTC)
chokuto: (pic#16070744)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 04:39 am (UTC)(link)
[He nods, unseen, like he's still imagining Cy in the room with him—but then his assent comes verbally after he realizes. Pineapple and kiwi, absurd as they are, stick in his mind better for it. He doesn't think he'll use them, but now he's beginning to comprehend their whole point. An exit. A way out, if needed. It's strange to have, and there's a part of his mind unconsciously distrustful of it. But it's fine. This much, he can manage.

More lube. The messiest smear yet with gel dripping to the towel, rubbed over the blunt, shiny-purple head of the toy before he presses it against the rim of his hole.]


I'm holding it. It's, hah, a little cold from the lubricant. Wet. Sticky because there's so much. I'm going to put it in. Cy—

[—and there, an inexorable slide, dildo breaching that tight ring of muscle and burying itself deep inside his ass all at once. He can't speak in that instant because the sound that leaves him is high, shattered, an outcry as he's never made between them. Breathe, Cy told him, but it's difficult; he tries and it sounds like he's gasping across the voice call. A dry-sob noise that tapers into quivering inhalations.

His hand is shaking on the hilt of the toy.]


It's... burning—it aches so much, this dull feeling. [The words are glassy, unsteady between breaths.] It feels like a wound, but it's inside of my body. I've never felt it there before.
chokuto: (pic#15106073)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 05:26 am (UTC)(link)
[The reminder helps, tethering him to the moment, working to make room for the ripples of pain that ride through his body. Breathing by a count of four, four, four. As relaxation comes, so does that emptiness of thought—and his breath is slower but stuttered, damply rasping, as he listens to Cy's words. Calmed like a cat under a hand.

It's not how he's worked through injuries in the past; those were borne with gritted teeth, distraction, adrenaline, and the presence of mind to move forward toward a goal. This allows him to revel in it, the sear of the stretch as he's filled by the dildo still unmoved in his hand.]


I know. Cyram. It's okay. [Sensations: the scratchy towel, the sticky gel, the sweat, the bedsheet. He realizes he's rolled partially over onto his stomach. His cock is hard, and he feels it pressed chafing to the mattress, but he doesn't move.] It's just—a lot.

[The pain becomes a continual, pulsing throb at that point where the toy has slid in to the hilt and remains in stasis.]

But better imagining that it's you.
chokuto: (pic#15106071)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh my god he was feeling confident because he was ALONE.

Sasuke's heartrate spikes, but all he does it turn back partially on his side, eyes flying open to take survey of his room as if Cy has already appeared.]


...

[He's allowed to say no. But he doesn't want to. Should he pull the blanket back up? At least it isn't bright in his room; only one light is on, dim gold on his bare skin, casting shadows into corners.]

It's fine.
chokuto: (pic#15621033)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 05:38 am (UTC)(link)
[Gritting teeth. Stupid rules.]

Yes.

[But he has, in a moment of weakness, indeed pulled the blanket up to cover his lower half. 🤡]
chokuto: (pic#15621105)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 05:49 am (UTC)(link)
[Having Cy in his room is a lot, at first, not only for his height but for his presence. Looming and calm and quiet. The bed sinks slightly with the additional weight, but not by much because the mattress itself is so thin. Sasuke's eyes peer over from beneath a fringe of hair, uncertain. The dildo is still inside of him; it feels heavy, slippery but for the grip of his lower body clenched around it with tension, arousal now slanted into murky waters.

They've been close before, but not really like this. Silently he offers his hand out—a little tacky still with lube, which causes him to hesitate.]
chokuto: (pic#16168030)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
[He's surprised how it feels to be touched in that moment. Unexpectedly there's relief, and his body releases some part of the tension it was holding, feeling the toy slip out of him but ignoring it. He shifts more deliberately to face Cy on that narrow bed—the touch continues, not denied, moving up his arm.

It's a strange realization to have then. No one has touched him like this, with the hands of—what? Almost like a lover would touch, or as he imagines one might because he wouldn't know, with that slow and thorough rub across tight tendons. It's not intimacy like a kiss, or a hug, or even an orgasm. It's a warm, cradling pool.

Sasuke's eyes skate away, wherever isn't Cy's face.]


I don't need any looking after. I was fine.

[I thought I was. He did, sincerely. The pain wasn't even that bad compared to injuries he's suffered.]

Why did we stop?
chokuto: (pic#15621031)

the emotional whiplash in this thread

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 06:32 am (UTC)(link)
[He's quiet for a while, letting Cy work up his arm.]

It's not fine, then. [As if to be contrary—but it's for a purpose.] I don't know how all of your rules work, but I can see that my reaction wasn't expected. We didn't discuss it first. Most of the new things I've learned in my life have been through pain, so it didn't surprise me to find it here. But if you want to do it differently, I don't mind that.

[Sometimes he can sound like a grown ass adult and not an eighteen-year-old. Very gently, Sasuke nudges his head under the man's chin. His breath fans skin.]

I'll look after you too.
chokuto: (pic#15621090)

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 06:54 am (UTC)(link)
[The solitude, on the other hand, is how Sasuke feels he was able to do it. Having a witness to experiencing pain—he doesn't know what that would be like. Cy's emphasis on communication comes to mind here, as clear-headed as he's feeling.]

I want to try. [He's no fucking quitter.] But I can't promise how I'll respond if you're in the room with me. It's fine if I'm doing it to myself, alone.

[The onion layers of trauma continue peeling.]

I've had experiences in the past receiving pain from others. It wasn't always physical, sometimes it was in my head. When it was willing, I did it in order to make myself stronger. ... They aren't positive memories. [no shit] If we do continue now, perhaps it would be better without that element. The room is small and the walls are thin.

[Which sounds weird, but he's honestly considering that he might have a bad reaction and destroy his room. Or scream. #justuchihathings]
Edited 2024-01-15 06:58 (UTC)
chokuto: (pic#15106065)

steers them back into horny waters

[personal profile] chokuto 2024-01-15 07:20 am (UTC)(link)
[Shoulders slumping at the press of that gentle kiss, he shifts back, putting a few inches of space between their bodies on the bed. Breathing room. He becomes more conscious now of Cy beside him—his warmth, his scent, the clothes he's wearing. All of those little things unique to his person. Attraction was there since the beginning and only a fraction from aphrodisiac.

Of course he would be drawn to such a looming, masculine presence, one that reeks of power and temperance and control yet can still wear ugly shirts and kiss so easily. But Sasuke is still surprised by it now.

A small nod.]
Yes.

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🤡

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freedom again

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