īŧ another kiss is pressed against sasuke's forehead, his palm skirts the boy's cheek and feathers into his hair. it'll be the last soft touch for a while and he savours it with a look that's edged so deeply into adoring it's half a love letter, and then in the schism of seconds between one moment and the next the expression is shuttered. it's an immediate transmutation from someone who's expressive and open to something older, darker — who accepts cruelty and revels in pressing the blade of it to someone's throat.
he twists, dislodging sasuke from where he was sitting astride his hips, and there's a brief grappling as they test each other's limits — ultimately, cy thumps him soundly prone on the mattress, jerking his wrist by the looped tether of that scarf. he sits astride sasuke's thighs, pinning him with his weight, arm pinioned at an uncomfortable angle that suggests the whisper of dislocation if he struggles too violently. īŧ
You know you can't win. īŧ even his voice has a different quality to it — cold in a way he's never sounded with sasuke even if you compare it to that first messy attempt on this very mattress. the torontonian drawl is equally absent. he bends low across sasuke's back and bites at his shoulder, possessive and with a deep press of teeth that will leave a lingering throb without breaking the skin — īŧ But you can struggle if it soothes your pride.
[It is not the first time he's witnessed that mercurial change like a whiplash, although only in its absence â as if Cy has shed a guise and stripped himself down to barer, truer parts. This isn't the same, but it chills him comparably at the tilt into cold and cruel, as he's efficiently forced down onto his stomach in mirrored image of earlier that night. Only the context has altered; he can feel it, the electric spark of change in the air between them as his arm is jerked into a sharp angle and pinned hard.
The arousal is a roar in his blood, almost smothering in its consumptive rush â Cy's harsh words send a shiver up his back that is sealed by the brand of teeth. That spot on his shoulder aches. A noisy breath bursts from him, but his jaw quickly grits down over it as if even this is a show of submission that must be extorted and not handed over willingly.]
You're all talk. [And he does struggle, less for his pride than for the promise of bruises, pulling at the silk around his wrist, not to the point of dislodging the joint of his shoulder but enough to edge close to that blister of pain. His legs, too, clench tight together, hips attempting to buck Cy's weight off of him.] I don't believe you'll do what you say.
[There's â something in his own voice, roughened and rasping, far less contained than Cy's own as he turns to look over his shoulder. Mismatched eyes are dark, wide, a little wild.]
īŧ cy winds the tether of silk around his own wrist, effectively lashing them together and ensuring that sasuke will have no grounds on which to resist so long as cy's greater strength is in play — and true to the warning he'd given the boy, he levers a hand between sasuke's legs, uses one knee to pin the boy's left thigh in a way that's not entirely comfortable to endure and then drags his thighs apart, pressing bruises into the skin that will linger long after the burn of his touch fades. the touch is not kindly, and it's practiced in an old, awful way that sasuke will, no doubt, understand the genesis of. he hasn't made a secret of those old, sad stories — but the understanding of how preferences come from trauma has been between them from the start. īŧ
You've got a funny definition of winning for the guy that's about to get fucked dry.
īŧ it's a purr of sound like black ice, remote and dangerous, so low it's barely more than a rumble of sound in his chest than something spoken aloud.
with sasuke's thighs prised apart, cy blocks him trying to outmaneuver the position, leaving one knee pinned down against the back of sasuke's left and shifting his right on the mattress until there's no hope of sasuke squirming into a different pose or preserving himself with the modesty of legs squeezed closed against the effort.
the hand tethered to the silk catches sasuke's wrist and pins it to the small of his back. he doesn't reach for the lube on the nightstand, the shift of his weight would lean too far away from the illusion — instead, he uses the void to pull a handful to his open palm, and he slicks his straining cock with a quick gesture. between the plug and their earlier efforts, it should be enough — it'll be just this side of a burn, but sasuke's never objected to that, and likely won't start now when it keys directly into a fantasy that pain laid down in him long ago.
he wipes his hand on the towel and then slaps sasuke across his reddened ass in an echo of their earlier play — but this one is as calculated to be painful as the others were to be consistently exploratory.
no matter what manner of struggling sasuke tries to do, cy has him beat at every turn. no amount of twisting or bucking of his hips seems to deter him, but the reward is the bloom of bruises against his thighs or hips or wrist. cy drags his arm up further behind his back, mindful of the sharp winged jut of his shoulder blade, and then the shift of his weight decries intent — the drag of his cock against the cleft of sasuke's ass. īŧMa petite prise de guerre, did you think you'd be spared being treated like a common whore just because you put up a fight? īŧ the head of his cock is pushed against sasuke's hole, but not quite enough to breach him open. īŧ Beg me to stop and I might be merciful.
[At the carefully controlled strength Cy demonstrates, that glimmer of just enough to make the point, Sasuke is dizzy with want. It almost shocks him, even aware as he is of those deeper grooves of attraction cut into him now by his history, his breadth of experience, his sense of self. Trauma. That is the word Cy has used to describe it, raw and violent-sounding, real. In the moment it helps to alleviate any lick of shame he would have felt to be put into this submissive position. He's fought so desperately against loss his entire life, unwilling to be brought to his knees by anyone on the battle, unwilling to be reined, unwilling to be hurt. So it's a relief, finally, to fight and struggle and know he won't win. He doesn't have to win. He's asked for this. There's nothing at stake but his body, which he's given over to trusted, gentle hands.
In the illusion of the act, now, they aren't gentle. Sasuke imagines what it would be like to truly fight back against Cy â but the urge is withheld. Bruises are pressed to aching life, naked skin dented by hard fingers, earning another gasp of breath against the bedsheets. Cy tells him he's going to get fucked dry and it's how he imagines it, as if he has been freshly rolled onto his stomach, clothes ripped off, unprepared to take a cock. The animal urgency of dominance flows hot in him; where he's pinned uncomfortably facedown, he can feel his dick throb to pulse of blood.
Arm yanked into a useless position, left leg immobilized, shoulder burning at an angle â fear is another factor safely indulged. His hand clenches around the little silver bell, its metal shape dug into his palm.
The slap of a hand resounds in the room, obscenely loud. He can feel the sting where he's already been hit not long ago. Tensed hamstrings twitch, then clench, so that when Cy drags the line of his dick against the crease of an ass, he'll find the muscles there tightly held. The unintelligible French torches straight through him.]
Don't. [Sasuke is not someone who begs easily, nor pleads for mercy, so the words emerge as if dragged out at great cost. Quiet, low, gritty with humiliation. The stroke across the rim of his hole renews a useless struggle until the effort has him panting, warm with a fine prickle of sweat.] Stop.
īŧ cy leans down, until his weight can only be endured, until sasuke is pinioned in place with an illusion of mercilessness that seems all too real now. for all that cy has forged himself into a man that is steeped in compassion, he was once a creature from whom all kindness was picked clean like a corpse.
his breath is hot at sasuke's ear as he murmurs only one word: no and it's punctuated by the inward push of his cock. every time they've done anything penetrative, cy's been gentle. he's taken care, and time, and worked him open. even the times where they've been a bit more in a hurry, he's still been methodical about it — just quick. there has still been time granted to adjust, to adapt, to accept the act of penetration on sasuke's own time and terms.
but now he's relying on the plug's intrusion and sasuke's own familiarity with the act, with his dick, to take him to the hilt in one cruel push. his attention is hyperfocused on the boy's hand where it's clutched around the bell just in case this is the thing that pushes him too far, too fast. but when neither safeword passes his lips nor bell rung, cy puts his tethered hand right between sasuke's shoulder blades as he straightens up, keeping the boy's torso firmly pushed down into the mattress in a way and with a weight that will also impact his ability to draw full, deep breaths — and then slaps at his hip in another startlingly loud blush of sound. īŧ
Your body's mine by right of conquest. You only exist to get fucked from here on out. One duty, one purpose — such a fucking filthy, breedable slut —
īŧ he keeps up the litany of awful, degrading words as he fucks into him, the snap of his hips a rough forward drive that will absolutely push sasuke against the cheap sheets and towards the headboard with every thrust.
the only sign that he's still himself, that he's still taking care even as he says such terrible things is the fact that one of the pillows is briefly shucked into the void and then reappears between sasuke and the headboard, cold with the gasp of that arctic wasteland, so he won't bang his head. īŧ
[He has felt powerless enough in his life that its sensation is branded across his soul in its own familiar, well-worn pattern. He knows its sensation too intimately â it has been carved by a clever blade held in the hand of the most important person in his life, etching the ruin of vivid memories soaked in blood. And there is a moment, as Cy bears down on him and tells him no, where his body is split on the spear of Cy's cock to a dully radiating throb that doesn't hurt but he can imagine too well â it feels almost real. Yet there's no fear, no reach for dissolution through either safeword or bell.
If anything, his body is lit by the suggestion of that reality, and this time the sound he makes as Cy seats himself in one heavy slide is a sob, emerging desperate even dry and half-smothered by the sheet. All he feels in the world is the way his ass has closed around the shape of Cy's dick, the way muscle throbs to maintain a penetration so much deeper and thicker than the plug. There's almost no time to adjust before his wrist is tugged a little harder and a hand plants between shoulder blades â and his next breath is shallow, strained, sucked against the barrier of fabric against his face.
Then Cy speaks again, and his eyes clench shut in the disorienting rush of arousal that takes hold. It is a thought barely put into his mind by the description of today's holiday associated with fertility, when Cy had insinuated it between the two of them despite the biological impossibility. Sasuke has never thought of himself in that position. It is a woman's role, a woman's sole duty. And yet Cy makes him imagine he is someone who can fulfill that role â that there is some risk of its potential, that Cy will force him to bear children, putting use to a bloodline on the verge of extinction. And the confusing twist of lust and sentiment intermingled is powerful â he feels the cold pillow against his cheek, barely registers it as he's fucked hard enough to drive him inches up the bed. He is too lost in the spiral of an animalistic urge he hardly recognizes.
The orgasm tears itself loose, evoked by that inexplicable fantasy and all of that dragging friction where his cock is pinned to the mattress beneath hips. It even surprises him; there's no warning, nothing but the wrecked noises from a smothered mouth as he comes beneath Cy.]
īŧ he can feel the clench and seize of sasuke's body as he comes, and cy slows his pace just enough — watching, again, for some sign of sasuke wanting to tap out. but there's no sign of it, even when cy loosens the pin of his hand just a little, and reaches to brush at his hair with gentle affection that is not otherwise part of this specific entanglement. it's an ask, though no words are exchanged — and sasuke's answer is to nuzzle into his hand.
it's enough. he's present, he's engaged, he hasn't used either of the hard stops available to him — so cy just scratches his nails lightly, comfortingly, against the boy's scalp in acknowledgement and continues.
the language he uses from that point is inconsequential — repeating themes or words, talk of subjugation and even praise of sasuke's strength and skill in battle, ultimately punctuated by the degradation of being called a whore or a slut, with particular emphasis placed on being his property, his war prize. sasuke's body is his entitlement, simply a vessel for cy's own pleasure. it's evocative enough — that sasuke, stripped of autonomy, kept in forced nakedness and perennial availability, is to be regarded as nothing more than something to be fucked.
the pace kept up is brutal too, and if sasuke stirs himself enough to struggle now that too is remarked upon in praise, commentary on the quality of a strong spirit and the hope that he'll keep up the resistance, that it only makes the victory that much sweeter.
when he feels the swell of a building orgasm like the cresting of a wave, he pulls out, leaving a messy drag of come from timing just slightly stuttered up the cleft of sasuke's ass and then across his lower back. the hand he'd pinned so brutally has been given just enough slack that it too gets painted by dint of its lax position, and this time when cy leans down it's to kiss sasuke's cheek and murmur a final word in that same cold voice: mine.
and then the moment is broken, and cy pitches himself onto the bed beside him, making sure they're face-to-face, reaching out to cup his cheek, thumb stroking lightly against the bone. his brow is furrowed with worry — it's likely not difficult for sasuke to infer that it's the way an otherwise confident and collected person might seek reassurance. īŧ
[He gets lost somewhere in those words, fucked thoroughly through the oversensitivity of his body and soon reduced to a trembling mess of loose limbs where he's held down to take Cy's cock. Praise weaves into degradation and stitches a picture better than anything â taking him to the brink of what he is, building him up and bringing him back down, a tapestry of raw want made whole in these hands. It feels so good. He did not know sex could feel this way, like an opening of his soul poured forth and bled into another's body.
With enough time, Sasuke imagines that he could get hard again just from bearing Cy's dick like that, every thrust punctuated by filthy language he's never imagined anyone would say to him. For him. He's taken in it, by Cy, that last word of ownership making him moan unselfconsciously â shuddering at the first hot, wet stripes of seed that paint his skin. His ass, lower back, part of his forearm; it makes him shiver all over to be marked for the second time so obscenely.
Then Cy is on the bed with him, their faces close, sharing the same air. The look on Sasuke's face is â glassy, bleary and fucked-out, touched by a softness of relaxation better showing itself when lips curve just a little.]
Cy. [He noses in, an attempt at a kiss more like he rubs his mouth against Cy's cheek.] I'm still... recovering, but â here. Come here. [And he pulls his arm around even as his shoulder protests movement, trying to draw Cy into an embrace.]
īŧ tacit permission given, cy crowds in close, butting their heads together, kissing whatever's most convenient to reach. when sasuke stirs his arm from the place it's been pinned, he flattens one palm out against his back and kneads the muscle gently, whittling the stiffness and strain down to a manageable level even as he lets himself be embraced. īŧ
You good, sweetheart?
īŧ it's said in a soft murmur, and he — sounds like himself again, warmth and easy energy infused into every word. he slings a leg over sasuke's thighs, as close as their relative positions allow. with his other hand, halfly pinned beneath his body, he tracks the tail of that scarf to sasuke's wrist and starts working it free very gently. it was never tightly wound, but it's taken some, uh, 'battle damage' that means the fabric has stiffened and is difficult to work against itself to undo the tie. still, he manages it tenderly. the rest he'll clean up in a second, but just — checking in first. īŧ
[All of those touches are answered, accepted, reciprocated â slotting himself up against Cy and seeking another kiss, and another, and another. They aren't especially deep or hungry. It's an act that anchors him back here in this bed, together with Cy.]
Mm, I am. Are you?
[The silk is worked loose carefully, and once it's off his wrist he'll smooth his hand over Cy's body in a path of skin on skin.]
It was different, to hear you talk like that. Act that way. [Not in any negative sense, if his orgasm is proof.] There was something you said... [A breath shivers out of him, head lowering to tuck his face in against Cy's collar.] I'm not sure how to approach it.
īŧ he shivers beneath sasuke's hand, listing towards the touch the way a flower will turn to track the sun. he needs the anchoring in the here and now as much as sasuke — more, perhaps. kulo vayn and the blistering focus of its attention on sasuke is an omnipresent thing, insidious. and it enjoyed that act, perhaps more than was wise to indulge. īŧ
Yeah, I'm okay. īŧ he captures sasuke's hand and kisses his palm. īŧ Here, let me go a sec. I'll find a washcloth.
īŧ he peels himself away and off the bed. he's started keeping his own neat little basket of toiletries, which is almost entirely due to sasuke, and he pulls it down off one of the small box shelves to set it on the bed. sasuke is then poked and prodded any which way cy needs him to be in order to get him tidied up, both the spill of come across his back and the evidence of his own smothered release beneath him.
cy shoos him away from the wet spot on the mattress and puts a towel down so he can lay there instead, reaching for sasuke to pull him in close. then, finally: īŧ
[The ritual of Cy's cleaning is well-learned by now, and he's pliant to the maneuver of hands, becoming as much a part of sex for him as the act itself. It's soothing, an extension of continued intimacy â mismatched eyes follow Cy's dexterous hands as he's wiped down and the towel is laid on the bed, and when Cy is finished he's easily drawn into the circle of arms. His mind, previously floating on a wave of blank pleasure, begins to center itself back into reality.
It isn't so possible to be... shy around this man, not after all they've shared together, but Sasuke still hesitates as he attempts to communicate this.]
Yes. Do you remember what you were saying before I came? [His right hand lifts, carding through Cy's dark hair.] It was the forceful statements about using me. And, there was something more â it reminded me of how you described this holiday as being focused on fertility.
[In his usual manner of No Eye Contact, Sasuke finds the ceiling to be extremely interesting.]
īŧ he blinks, mentally reviews what he'd been saying throughout. breedable, whoops. he doesn't quite manage embarrassed, (truthfully by now, nothing much could conceivable embarrass him) but he does sort of laugh a bit as he lets his hand skim across sasuke's side, over the flat plane of his belly. īŧ
Yeah. Major breeding kink over here. Sorry, I should've asked you first before throwing it in the mix — kinda just fell out of my mouth. Worked for you, though?
īŧ he's not gauging sasuke's line of inquiry as being upset or angry — more that he was, as he said, affected and is probably trying to parse out why for himself. given their earlier discussions on sex and gender and sasuke's clear feelings on the matter, it probably jarred something loose for him. īŧ
[There's more he wants to discuss â particularly on Cy's side of the experience â but this is, at present, a little stuck in his mind. In the context of this, he's also too aware of the way Cy's hand strokes across his belly, but perhaps he's imagining it.]
Yes. I'm not sure why.
['Breeding kink'. So it has a name, and an apt one.]
We've spoken about it before â having children. [Well, before he'd shut down the subject. It stirs loose some self-directed guilt.] It's a common enough idea in my own world. [Common, more like, all that matters.] I will have to return one day and do the same for the sake of my clan.
[Sasuke says it as if this is an unalterable fact, spoken with a tone of resignation and finality, because in his mind it still is.]
But, it isn't me who would... [Get?? pregnant??] I know you mentioned that there are other ways than between a man and a woman, but that wouldn't be accepted by my society. So I was surprised my reaction was [to Say The Least] âstrong.
īŧ he makes a contemplative sound, and then he noses into sasuke's space, kissing his cheek to murmur: īŧ
Do you want me to offer some suggestions on why it might've had an impact on you, or do you want me to listen while you talk it out for yourself?
īŧ it's a bit of a fraught topic for how it's so tangled up in the culture of his world, his self-perception, the deeply ingrained cultural misogyny, the trauma of loss and loneliness. cy's pretty sure he can trace a trajectory through sasuke's psyche that might've lead him to arrive at that psychological response, but. sometimes it's better to let people figure it out for themselves. īŧ
īŧ he tugs sasuke a little more tightly in against him so that the boy doesn't have to suffer the possibility of looking at him while he explains this. but he does card his fingers through his hair, and in a soft murmur: īŧ
So, for the record — the biological imperative and drive of having sex is pretty deeply engrained in the human psyche as being for the purpose of procreation. Like, obviously that is not the only reason, and it's totally normal not to want to associate sex with the act of procreation, but for some people that association is a turn-on whether or not actual pregnancy is the aim of sex itself. Don't get me wrong, some people have a fetish for actual pregnant bodies — I don't get horny looking at a random pregnant person, but if it's somebody I've knocked up, yeah, that gets me going. Like... ah, shit. īŧ he has one hand resting against sasuke's shoulder, it's raised and lowered in a bit of an approximation of a shrug. īŧ For me it's like... a further step of that sense of ownership and possession. I have sex with someone and come in them, it's like marking territory. But if I knock 'em up, that's visible, tangible evidence that tells others — that's mine. That's my person, I'm going to look after them, it makes me feel settled and creates this deep, entrenched sense of belonging and connection that goes both ways. Waking up next to someone, right?
īŧ a callback to that first fantasy he'd divulged. just — the act of having someone. despite everything, he's still a man whose first and most important memory is of a woman he loved and the child they had together balanced on her hip, silhouetted by the sun. īŧ
As far as the kink goes, it's not limited to just men and women in a sexual situation. It's really common in gay communities too — it's literally a whole subset of pornography on Earth. Biological men aren't out here thinking they can get pregnant, that part isn't physically possible yet on most worlds and requires some sort of physical modification on the ones where it is, but the thought can evoke some powerful feelings on the giving or receiving side because of how it ties in with that sense of possession and belonging and promise. For some men it's kinda about humiliation and degradation and it usually comes from misogyny, they want to be treated the way they perceive women as being treated but don't necessarily want to be a woman, you know? For others it's about imagining the act of creating life, sheltering it in their body and then having a child that represents the love or commitment to their partner. It doesn't have to be a gender identity thing, but it can align with it if there are other psychological signs. With me so far?
[Privately, he's grateful to bury his face against the warm cradle of Cy's sternum and simply â listen, absorbing the words in a quiet period of attentiveness, because it's impossible to remain neutral upon hearing them.
That drive toward procreation has felt more like a heavy pressure over his head, dread interwoven with duty more than desire for children. Yet it's not wholly true. As Cy speaks, he sees the other side of it. The way a child would bond together two people. The ownership in knowing that someone else carries a part of you, knowing that you've created a human life together. I'm going to look after them â and Sasuke feels volatile emotion in him ride high, threatening the burn of tears because he has not truly imagined reproduction from the perspective of a relationship with another person in that give-take of connection, belonging. A family.
He may know why, now, lying in bed with a man's arms around him.
Yet does that explain the physical attraction? The 'kink' aspect of reproduction? As Cy goes on, Sasuke tries to frame it in a sexual way â and the possession feels closest to the truth, though it may be more than that. He doesn't know if he would experience it the same with a partner who wasn't Cy. If he'd want someone else to say what Cy has said to him.]
I'm with you. [In a quiet, breathy voice.] I see the appeal. Having children with a person you care for, [a halting pause,] changes the experience. I'd accepted that it may not be possible for me in my own world, due to my circumstances. But... [Sasuke's teeth pinch an inner cheek, and all at once he backs away from where that thought had taken him â for how perilously it threatens to expose the depth of what he feels for Cy.]
There may be an element of humiliation. [Hopefully Cy will not notice the abrupt turn-about.] I've noticed that between us, and my own response to it. However, I'm not imagining that I am... a woman. It seems more related to that feeling of ownership, as you mentioned.
īŧ he's going to ask about that 'but', but first he has a few more things to, you know, pontificate about at length. īŧ
Mm, it could be. Your world has a lot of kinda... outmoded beliefs and behaviours about gender roles. But — you've also been alone for a long time, and a lot of the duties you would've needed to take on as a child just for the sake and need for survival would've been things that would've been relegated to women in a 'traditional' setting. Cooking, cleaning — I bet you know how to do things like repair clothing too, right? That sort of thing. So it's possible that your mind has sort of taken the nature of that role you filled on your own and subconsciously transmuted it into what you believe your personal position should or could be in the context of a relationship, which means you may be inclined to adopt other behaviours viewed as 'feminine' in your culture, up to and including something like imagining the act of becoming pregnant as a potential act of service for a partner.
īŧ a pause. then: īŧ
For the record, that's not — negative, or a put down of you at all. I'm not calling you a woman or saying you're inherently feminine or anything, okay? It's just that a lot of the time what we wind up offering to others in the context of a relationship is what we lacked or needed ourselves when we were younger. I also really don't think you'd be that way with most other people. It's probably also the way my influence is informing a lot of your sexual habits and proclivities, because while most kinks are pretty hardcoded into someone before they ever hit puberty, there's still a certain amount of give and take that can happen as a result of a partner. If I was a submissive person, you might've gone the other way naturally, because I think the attraction and chemistry we have would've still been present. īŧ a playful little nuzzle into sasuke's dark hair. īŧ Wanna see if talking about knocking me up gets you all hot and bothered, stud?
[It should humiliate him, the way Cy narrows down so many qualities that are strictly feminine â and true to his life. He no longer had a mother by the time he was eight years old. He took that role completely, learning to cook, clean, sew, and otherwise take care of himself. Yet Cy soothes the implication quickly, easing the knot that had begun to tighten in his throat. In a world so focused on power and strength, and how those can be used to subjugate someone else, homemaking skills are not exactly prized. Least of all by men.
The nuzzle, backed by that reassurance, further calms him.]
It's hard to imagine you as submissive. Even if I did try to use that sort of language on you, would you actually enjoy it? [Cy's pleasure matters to him too.] ... I remember one of the first times we spoke, I said that I would be more dominant than submissive. I believed it. I can imagine myself behaving that way, too, but I don't know that it would have been â a good thing.
[The way he struggles with himself, the guilt he feels at the idea of hurting others...]
I suppose I would have had to learn to be more like you. How you exercise control, safely.
īŧ as if he senses that brief turmoil, he shuffles himself about on the bed, tugging sasuke astride his hips and then downward to kiss him, nipping softly at his bottom lip. as his arms wend around sasuke and he tucks them together cheek to cheek, dragging stubble against sasuke's skin, he murmurs: īŧ
Ah, that language wouldn't necessarily be about dominance or submission. You can be dominant and still wanna get knocked up, or fantasize about it. But I do struggle with submission. It's funny — I think I probably was once? I don't have a strong impression of who I was before — īŧ well, they don't need to get into that, but — īŧ but I remember who I was during it all, and I... that weakness, that cowardice, it took me a long time to be kind to myself, to recognize that my reaction was about survival, that it wasn't just... weak, to be broken. I hated how deeply and completely I was changed by someone else's cruelty. Sometimes I still struggle with that, feeling like I'm just something someone else made.
īŧ sasuke, he knows, will understand that sentiment better than most. īŧ
My response to that trauma was to reach for control with both hands and hold it. Surrendering that is... fucking hard. It's actually easier for me with strangers — it's not like I seek it out, but if I'm teaching or something — because submission is no longer a natural state for me, but they don't know that, so I can come at it from the angle of being what's needed in the moment. But with people who've seen me, who know me... it's harder to relax because the fear that surrendering that control is going to get them hurt is always, always there.
īŧ fear has informed so much of his life for so long, a constant low-grade feverbright burn in the back of his mind. he's not sure who he'd be if he were to wake up one day and find it excised. īŧ
It's not about being vulnerable. I'd give that part of myself to you without hesitation, you know? But it makes the fear louder. Having control is what quiets it, because I get to tell myself never again.
[The change in position is met with pliancy, allowing his weight to be brought over Cy's hips in their reclined position, pushing with need into the kiss â just for the sake of that contact, that grounding tether. Then he tucks his head down and lets Cy rub their cheeks together; the man's warmth bleeds between them, uncoiling muscles.
Every time he hears about who Cy used to be and compares it to who he is now, it deepens that channel of affection, of understanding and respect. And the ache of sadness, of course, that is always there.]
If you want to do it with me, [the words spill out of his mouth like an errant sigh,] I'll take care of you. I promise.
[He picks his head up to look at Cy, wanting eye contact â evidence for how important he feels this is to communicate.]
I don't mean right now, but someday in the future. It's okay if you're afraid. I am too.
Sweetheart, I'd do anything you ever wanted with you.
īŧ he lets sasuke peel himself back enough to make eye contact, and it's returned with unflinching steadiness and a slight smile. one hand lifts, and is set against sasuke's cheek. īŧ
But in terms of submission, it wouldn't really be about me. It's not something I'm into for its own sake, or something that I'd get psychological or physical pleasure out of. If you want to try your hand at being dominant, I'd help you and it wouldn't cost me anything or take anything from me — I need you to understand I wouldn't agree to it against my will — but it'd be because you wanted it, that's what would make it special and worthwhile to me. What would bring me pleasure and pride would be seeing you be confident and self-assured and happy, practicing the things you've learned from me. Even if the fear is there.
īŧ his thumb worries at the jut of sasuke's cheekbone, and then hooks behind his jaw to tug him down for another kiss, this one pressed softly against his forehead. īŧ
Honestly, watching you step outside of all that fucking — oppressive cultural shame and fear and uncertainty just to stand with me on equal ground has been pretty near the single best act of service anyone's ever given me. You need to know that, too.
[Don't say that, he almost demands â even if in this context, Cy must mean sexual acts only. Yet there is still a terrifying moment where the request almost falls out of his mouth, because he cannot imagine that sort of fealty, and now he cannot imagine his life without Cy in it, and in one stupid moment he might ask for Cy not to leave him, even after this, after whatever their time in the resort may become â
Sasuke shudders, that touch reeling him down into a kiss. He lets it wipe his mind clean and clear.]
I don't struggle with those things when I'm with you. [Cy gives him the space and security to leave everything that has ever hurt him at the door.] But I can't say that... if I went back, they wouldn't return to me. It might be difficult.
[Would he simply pretend that he has not been irrevocably changed by this man in order to function in his own world? He doesn't know.]
I'm interested in what you said, but â nothing so intense as what we've tried, if that makes sense. I don't know that I want to dominate you in the same way as you've done to me. Can we begin more simply?
īŧ his hand slips to the back of sasuke's head, feathers through his hair and falls away. he folds both arms behind his own, fingers laced, and makes an inviting, sinuous stretch of himself, putting all that lean muscle on easy display. īŧ
Of course. There's a few things we could try — guessing you don't want to jump right into just dicking me down, yeah? — but something like intercrural is a good kinda intermediary step. Uh, it's — here, easiest to show you. īŧ excuse him while he just. manhandles you, actually?? cy pitches them both onto their sides, and nudges and prods sasuke until they're in a subtle parenthesis of positions, nested together in a curve of warm skin. they've had enough downtime, and his dick is basically a dousing rod when it comes to remote proximity to sasuke that it's easy to get himself half hard again with a few quick strokes — and then he pushes his cock between sasuke's thighs, and leans in to press a messy, open-mouthed kiss against his shoulder. īŧ
The harder you clench your thighs together, the better it feels. Not quite penetration, but it lets you get used to the way you need to move into it. īŧ there's a demonstrative flex of his hips, and a slow forward plunge of his cock. it's a little less comfortable without lube, but he's not really seeking any sort of gratification from it, only teaching. īŧ We could try it like this, or I could kinda sit sidesaddle in your lap.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw from here-on out: negotiated noncon dabbling
Date: 2024-03-03 03:40 am (UTC)īŧ another kiss is pressed against sasuke's forehead, his palm skirts the boy's cheek and feathers into his hair. it'll be the last soft touch for a while and he savours it with a look that's edged so deeply into adoring it's half a love letter, and then in the schism of seconds between one moment and the next the expression is shuttered. it's an immediate transmutation from someone who's expressive and open to something older, darker — who accepts cruelty and revels in pressing the blade of it to someone's throat.
he twists, dislodging sasuke from where he was sitting astride his hips, and there's a brief grappling as they test each other's limits — ultimately, cy thumps him soundly prone on the mattress, jerking his wrist by the looped tether of that scarf. he sits astride sasuke's thighs, pinning him with his weight, arm pinioned at an uncomfortable angle that suggests the whisper of dislocation if he struggles too violently. īŧ
You know you can't win. īŧ even his voice has a different quality to it — cold in a way he's never sounded with sasuke even if you compare it to that first messy attempt on this very mattress. the torontonian drawl is equally absent. he bends low across sasuke's back and bites at his shoulder, possessive and with a deep press of teeth that will leave a lingering throb without breaking the skin — īŧ But you can struggle if it soothes your pride.
so happy for them
Date: 2024-03-03 04:50 am (UTC)The arousal is a roar in his blood, almost smothering in its consumptive rush â Cy's harsh words send a shiver up his back that is sealed by the brand of teeth. That spot on his shoulder aches. A noisy breath bursts from him, but his jaw quickly grits down over it as if even this is a show of submission that must be extorted and not handed over willingly.]
You're all talk. [And he does struggle, less for his pride than for the promise of bruises, pulling at the silk around his wrist, not to the point of dislodging the joint of his shoulder but enough to edge close to that blister of pain. His legs, too, clench tight together, hips attempting to buck Cy's weight off of him.] I don't believe you'll do what you say.
[There's â something in his own voice, roughened and rasping, far less contained than Cy's own as he turns to look over his shoulder. Mismatched eyes are dark, wide, a little wild.]
You haven't won yet.
it's all downhill from here (cw for actual noncon refs oop)
Date: 2024-03-03 09:05 pm (UTC)You've got a funny definition of winning for the guy that's about to get fucked dry.
īŧ it's a purr of sound like black ice, remote and dangerous, so low it's barely more than a rumble of sound in his chest than something spoken aloud.
with sasuke's thighs prised apart, cy blocks him trying to outmaneuver the position, leaving one knee pinned down against the back of sasuke's left and shifting his right on the mattress until there's no hope of sasuke squirming into a different pose or preserving himself with the modesty of legs squeezed closed against the effort.
the hand tethered to the silk catches sasuke's wrist and pins it to the small of his back. he doesn't reach for the lube on the nightstand, the shift of his weight would lean too far away from the illusion — instead, he uses the void to pull a handful to his open palm, and he slicks his straining cock with a quick gesture. between the plug and their earlier efforts, it should be enough — it'll be just this side of a burn, but sasuke's never objected to that, and likely won't start now when it keys directly into a fantasy that pain laid down in him long ago.
he wipes his hand on the towel and then slaps sasuke across his reddened ass in an echo of their earlier play — but this one is as calculated to be painful as the others were to be consistently exploratory.
no matter what manner of struggling sasuke tries to do, cy has him beat at every turn. no amount of twisting or bucking of his hips seems to deter him, but the reward is the bloom of bruises against his thighs or hips or wrist. cy drags his arm up further behind his back, mindful of the sharp winged jut of his shoulder blade, and then the shift of his weight decries intent — the drag of his cock against the cleft of sasuke's ass. īŧ Ma petite prise de guerre, did you think you'd be spared being treated like a common whore just because you put up a fight? īŧ the head of his cock is pushed against sasuke's hole, but not quite enough to breach him open. īŧ Beg me to stop and I might be merciful.
īŧ he wouldn't, but that's the point. īŧ
no subject
Date: 2024-03-03 10:17 pm (UTC)In the illusion of the act, now, they aren't gentle. Sasuke imagines what it would be like to truly fight back against Cy â but the urge is withheld. Bruises are pressed to aching life, naked skin dented by hard fingers, earning another gasp of breath against the bedsheets. Cy tells him he's going to get fucked dry and it's how he imagines it, as if he has been freshly rolled onto his stomach, clothes ripped off, unprepared to take a cock. The animal urgency of dominance flows hot in him; where he's pinned uncomfortably facedown, he can feel his dick throb to pulse of blood.
Arm yanked into a useless position, left leg immobilized, shoulder burning at an angle â fear is another factor safely indulged. His hand clenches around the little silver bell, its metal shape dug into his palm.
The slap of a hand resounds in the room, obscenely loud. He can feel the sting where he's already been hit not long ago. Tensed hamstrings twitch, then clench, so that when Cy drags the line of his dick against the crease of an ass, he'll find the muscles there tightly held. The unintelligible French torches straight through him.]
Don't. [Sasuke is not someone who begs easily, nor pleads for mercy, so the words emerge as if dragged out at great cost. Quiet, low, gritty with humiliation. The stroke across the rim of his hole renews a useless struggle until the effort has him panting, warm with a fine prickle of sweat.] Stop.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-03 11:36 pm (UTC)his breath is hot at sasuke's ear as he murmurs only one word: no and it's punctuated by the inward push of his cock. every time they've done anything penetrative, cy's been gentle. he's taken care, and time, and worked him open. even the times where they've been a bit more in a hurry, he's still been methodical about it — just quick. there has still been time granted to adjust, to adapt, to accept the act of penetration on sasuke's own time and terms.
but now he's relying on the plug's intrusion and sasuke's own familiarity with the act, with his dick, to take him to the hilt in one cruel push. his attention is hyperfocused on the boy's hand where it's clutched around the bell just in case this is the thing that pushes him too far, too fast. but when neither safeword passes his lips nor bell rung, cy puts his tethered hand right between sasuke's shoulder blades as he straightens up, keeping the boy's torso firmly pushed down into the mattress in a way and with a weight that will also impact his ability to draw full, deep breaths — and then slaps at his hip in another startlingly loud blush of sound. īŧ
Your body's mine by right of conquest. You only exist to get fucked from here on out. One duty, one purpose — such a fucking filthy, breedable slut —
īŧ he keeps up the litany of awful, degrading words as he fucks into him, the snap of his hips a rough forward drive that will absolutely push sasuke against the cheap sheets and towards the headboard with every thrust.
the only sign that he's still himself, that he's still taking care even as he says such terrible things is the fact that one of the pillows is briefly shucked into the void and then reappears between sasuke and the headboard, cold with the gasp of that arctic wasteland, so he won't bang his head. īŧ
cw: breeding meta......
Date: 2024-03-04 12:21 am (UTC)If anything, his body is lit by the suggestion of that reality, and this time the sound he makes as Cy seats himself in one heavy slide is a sob, emerging desperate even dry and half-smothered by the sheet. All he feels in the world is the way his ass has closed around the shape of Cy's dick, the way muscle throbs to maintain a penetration so much deeper and thicker than the plug. There's almost no time to adjust before his wrist is tugged a little harder and a hand plants between shoulder blades â and his next breath is shallow, strained, sucked against the barrier of fabric against his face.
Then Cy speaks again, and his eyes clench shut in the disorienting rush of arousal that takes hold. It is a thought barely put into his mind by the description of today's holiday associated with fertility, when Cy had insinuated it between the two of them despite the biological impossibility. Sasuke has never thought of himself in that position. It is a woman's role, a woman's sole duty. And yet Cy makes him imagine he is someone who can fulfill that role â that there is some risk of its potential, that Cy will force him to bear children, putting use to a bloodline on the verge of extinction. And the confusing twist of lust and sentiment intermingled is powerful â he feels the cold pillow against his cheek, barely registers it as he's fucked hard enough to drive him inches up the bed. He is too lost in the spiral of an animalistic urge he hardly recognizes.
The orgasm tears itself loose, evoked by that inexplicable fantasy and all of that dragging friction where his cock is pinned to the mattress beneath hips. It even surprises him; there's no warning, nothing but the wrecked noises from a smothered mouth as he comes beneath Cy.]
Dawn of the 1st Day: sixty-nine (nice) other kinks remaining
Date: 2024-03-04 01:30 am (UTC)it's enough. he's present, he's engaged, he hasn't used either of the hard stops available to him — so cy just scratches his nails lightly, comfortingly, against the boy's scalp in acknowledgement and continues.
the language he uses from that point is inconsequential — repeating themes or words, talk of subjugation and even praise of sasuke's strength and skill in battle, ultimately punctuated by the degradation of being called a whore or a slut, with particular emphasis placed on being his property, his war prize. sasuke's body is his entitlement, simply a vessel for cy's own pleasure. it's evocative enough — that sasuke, stripped of autonomy, kept in forced nakedness and perennial availability, is to be regarded as nothing more than something to be fucked.
the pace kept up is brutal too, and if sasuke stirs himself enough to struggle now that too is remarked upon in praise, commentary on the quality of a strong spirit and the hope that he'll keep up the resistance, that it only makes the victory that much sweeter.
when he feels the swell of a building orgasm like the cresting of a wave, he pulls out, leaving a messy drag of come from timing just slightly stuttered up the cleft of sasuke's ass and then across his lower back. the hand he'd pinned so brutally has been given just enough slack that it too gets painted by dint of its lax position, and this time when cy leans down it's to kiss sasuke's cheek and murmur a final word in that same cold voice: mine.
and then the moment is broken, and cy pitches himself onto the bed beside him, making sure they're face-to-face, reaching out to cup his cheek, thumb stroking lightly against the bone. his brow is furrowed with worry — it's likely not difficult for sasuke to infer that it's the way an otherwise confident and collected person might seek reassurance. īŧ
their eternal kink journey continues
Date: 2024-03-04 01:56 am (UTC)With enough time, Sasuke imagines that he could get hard again just from bearing Cy's dick like that, every thrust punctuated by filthy language he's never imagined anyone would say to him. For him. He's taken in it, by Cy, that last word of ownership making him moan unselfconsciously â shuddering at the first hot, wet stripes of seed that paint his skin. His ass, lower back, part of his forearm; it makes him shiver all over to be marked for the second time so obscenely.
Then Cy is on the bed with him, their faces close, sharing the same air. The look on Sasuke's face is â glassy, bleary and fucked-out, touched by a softness of relaxation better showing itself when lips curve just a little.]
Cy. [He noses in, an attempt at a kiss more like he rubs his mouth against Cy's cheek.] I'm still... recovering, but â here. Come here. [And he pulls his arm around even as his shoulder protests movement, trying to draw Cy into an embrace.]
đ¤Ąđ¤Ą
Date: 2024-03-04 02:15 am (UTC)You good, sweetheart?
īŧ it's said in a soft murmur, and he — sounds like himself again, warmth and easy energy infused into every word. he slings a leg over sasuke's thighs, as close as their relative positions allow. with his other hand, halfly pinned beneath his body, he tracks the tail of that scarf to sasuke's wrist and starts working it free very gently. it was never tightly wound, but it's taken some, uh, 'battle damage' that means the fabric has stiffened and is difficult to work against itself to undo the tie. still, he manages it tenderly. the rest he'll clean up in a second, but just — checking in first. īŧ
no subject
Date: 2024-03-04 02:42 am (UTC)Mm, I am. Are you?
[The silk is worked loose carefully, and once it's off his wrist he'll smooth his hand over Cy's body in a path of skin on skin.]
It was different, to hear you talk like that. Act that way. [Not in any negative sense, if his orgasm is proof.] There was something you said... [A breath shivers out of him, head lowering to tuck his face in against Cy's collar.] I'm not sure how to approach it.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-04 03:33 am (UTC)Yeah, I'm okay. īŧ he captures sasuke's hand and kisses his palm. īŧ Here, let me go a sec. I'll find a washcloth.
īŧ he peels himself away and off the bed. he's started keeping his own neat little basket of toiletries, which is almost entirely due to sasuke, and he pulls it down off one of the small box shelves to set it on the bed. sasuke is then poked and prodded any which way cy needs him to be in order to get him tidied up, both the spill of come across his back and the evidence of his own smothered release beneath him.
cy shoos him away from the wet spot on the mattress and puts a towel down so he can lay there instead, reaching for sasuke to pull him in close. then, finally: īŧ
You wanna talk about it?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-04 04:02 am (UTC)It isn't so possible to be... shy around this man, not after all they've shared together, but Sasuke still hesitates as he attempts to communicate this.]
Yes. Do you remember what you were saying before I came? [His right hand lifts, carding through Cy's dark hair.] It was the forceful statements about using me. And, there was something more â it reminded me of how you described this holiday as being focused on fertility.
[In his usual manner of No Eye Contact, Sasuke finds the ceiling to be extremely interesting.]
I was... affected more than I anticipated.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-04 03:45 pm (UTC)īŧ he blinks, mentally reviews what he'd been saying throughout. breedable, whoops. he doesn't quite manage embarrassed, (truthfully by now, nothing much could conceivable embarrass him) but he does sort of laugh a bit as he lets his hand skim across sasuke's side, over the flat plane of his belly. īŧ
Yeah. Major breeding kink over here. Sorry, I should've asked you first before throwing it in the mix — kinda just fell out of my mouth. Worked for you, though?
īŧ he's not gauging sasuke's line of inquiry as being upset or angry — more that he was, as he said, affected and is probably trying to parse out why for himself. given their earlier discussions on sex and gender and sasuke's clear feelings on the matter, it probably jarred something loose for him. īŧ
no subject
Date: 2024-03-04 05:31 pm (UTC)Yes. I'm not sure why.
['Breeding kink'. So it has a name, and an apt one.]
We've spoken about it before â having children. [Well, before he'd shut down the subject. It stirs loose some self-directed guilt.] It's a common enough idea in my own world. [Common, more like, all that matters.] I will have to return one day and do the same for the sake of my clan.
[Sasuke says it as if this is an unalterable fact, spoken with a tone of resignation and finality, because in his mind it still is.]
But, it isn't me who would... [Get?? pregnant??] I know you mentioned that there are other ways than between a man and a woman, but that wouldn't be accepted by my society. So I was surprised my reaction was [to Say The Least] âstrong.
speaking of typos me @ me i just wanna talk
Date: 2024-03-05 01:23 am (UTC)Do you want me to offer some suggestions on why it might've had an impact on you, or do you want me to listen while you talk it out for yourself?
īŧ it's a bit of a fraught topic for how it's so tangled up in the culture of his world, his self-perception, the deeply ingrained cultural misogyny, the trauma of loss and loneliness. cy's pretty sure he can trace a trajectory through sasuke's psyche that might've lead him to arrive at that psychological response, but. sometimes it's better to let people figure it out for themselves. īŧ
felt đĨ˛
Date: 2024-03-05 01:40 am (UTC)I wouldn't know where to start. [He thinks back on an early conversation with Cy; it is, ultimately, an easy choice.] It helps, hearing your thoughts.
[As well as the lack of shame and judgment attached to them.]
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 02:03 am (UTC)īŧ he tugs sasuke a little more tightly in against him so that the boy doesn't have to suffer the possibility of looking at him while he explains this. but he does card his fingers through his hair, and in a soft murmur: īŧ
So, for the record — the biological imperative and drive of having sex is pretty deeply engrained in the human psyche as being for the purpose of procreation. Like, obviously that is not the only reason, and it's totally normal not to want to associate sex with the act of procreation, but for some people that association is a turn-on whether or not actual pregnancy is the aim of sex itself. Don't get me wrong, some people have a fetish for actual pregnant bodies — I don't get horny looking at a random pregnant person, but if it's somebody I've knocked up, yeah, that gets me going. Like... ah, shit. īŧ he has one hand resting against sasuke's shoulder, it's raised and lowered in a bit of an approximation of a shrug. īŧ For me it's like... a further step of that sense of ownership and possession. I have sex with someone and come in them, it's like marking territory. But if I knock 'em up, that's visible, tangible evidence that tells others — that's mine. That's my person, I'm going to look after them, it makes me feel settled and creates this deep, entrenched sense of belonging and connection that goes both ways. Waking up next to someone, right?
īŧ a callback to that first fantasy he'd divulged. just — the act of having someone. despite everything, he's still a man whose first and most important memory is of a woman he loved and the child they had together balanced on her hip, silhouetted by the sun. īŧ
As far as the kink goes, it's not limited to just men and women in a sexual situation. It's really common in gay communities too — it's literally a whole subset of pornography on Earth. Biological men aren't out here thinking they can get pregnant, that part isn't physically possible yet on most worlds and requires some sort of physical modification on the ones where it is, but the thought can evoke some powerful feelings on the giving or receiving side because of how it ties in with that sense of possession and belonging and promise. For some men it's kinda about humiliation and degradation and it usually comes from misogyny, they want to be treated the way they perceive women as being treated but don't necessarily want to be a woman, you know? For others it's about imagining the act of creating life, sheltering it in their body and then having a child that represents the love or commitment to their partner. It doesn't have to be a gender identity thing, but it can align with it if there are other psychological signs. With me so far?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 02:37 am (UTC)That drive toward procreation has felt more like a heavy pressure over his head, dread interwoven with duty more than desire for children. Yet it's not wholly true. As Cy speaks, he sees the other side of it. The way a child would bond together two people. The ownership in knowing that someone else carries a part of you, knowing that you've created a human life together. I'm going to look after them â and Sasuke feels volatile emotion in him ride high, threatening the burn of tears because he has not truly imagined reproduction from the perspective of a relationship with another person in that give-take of connection, belonging. A family.
He may know why, now, lying in bed with a man's arms around him.
Yet does that explain the physical attraction? The 'kink' aspect of reproduction? As Cy goes on, Sasuke tries to frame it in a sexual way â and the possession feels closest to the truth, though it may be more than that. He doesn't know if he would experience it the same with a partner who wasn't Cy. If he'd want someone else to say what Cy has said to him.]
I'm with you. [In a quiet, breathy voice.] I see the appeal. Having children with a person you care for, [a halting pause,] changes the experience. I'd accepted that it may not be possible for me in my own world, due to my circumstances. But... [Sasuke's teeth pinch an inner cheek, and all at once he backs away from where that thought had taken him â for how perilously it threatens to expose the depth of what he feels for Cy.]
There may be an element of humiliation. [Hopefully Cy will not notice the abrupt turn-about.] I've noticed that between us, and my own response to it. However, I'm not imagining that I am... a woman. It seems more related to that feeling of ownership, as you mentioned.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 03:00 am (UTC)Mm, it could be. Your world has a lot of kinda... outmoded beliefs and behaviours about gender roles. But — you've also been alone for a long time, and a lot of the duties you would've needed to take on as a child just for the sake and need for survival would've been things that would've been relegated to women in a 'traditional' setting. Cooking, cleaning — I bet you know how to do things like repair clothing too, right? That sort of thing. So it's possible that your mind has sort of taken the nature of that role you filled on your own and subconsciously transmuted it into what you believe your personal position should or could be in the context of a relationship, which means you may be inclined to adopt other behaviours viewed as 'feminine' in your culture, up to and including something like imagining the act of becoming pregnant as a potential act of service for a partner.
īŧ a pause. then: īŧ
For the record, that's not — negative, or a put down of you at all. I'm not calling you a woman or saying you're inherently feminine or anything, okay? It's just that a lot of the time what we wind up offering to others in the context of a relationship is what we lacked or needed ourselves when we were younger. I also really don't think you'd be that way with most other people. It's probably also the way my influence is informing a lot of your sexual habits and proclivities, because while most kinks are pretty hardcoded into someone before they ever hit puberty, there's still a certain amount of give and take that can happen as a result of a partner. If I was a submissive person, you might've gone the other way naturally, because I think the attraction and chemistry we have would've still been present. īŧ a playful little nuzzle into sasuke's dark hair. īŧ Wanna see if talking about knocking me up gets you all hot and bothered, stud?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 03:21 am (UTC)The nuzzle, backed by that reassurance, further calms him.]
It's hard to imagine you as submissive. Even if I did try to use that sort of language on you, would you actually enjoy it? [Cy's pleasure matters to him too.] ... I remember one of the first times we spoke, I said that I would be more dominant than submissive. I believed it. I can imagine myself behaving that way, too, but I don't know that it would have been â a good thing.
[The way he struggles with himself, the guilt he feels at the idea of hurting others...]
I suppose I would have had to learn to be more like you. How you exercise control, safely.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 03:46 am (UTC)Ah, that language wouldn't necessarily be about dominance or submission. You can be dominant and still wanna get knocked up, or fantasize about it. But I do struggle with submission. It's funny — I think I probably was once? I don't have a strong impression of who I was before — īŧ well, they don't need to get into that, but — īŧ but I remember who I was during it all, and I... that weakness, that cowardice, it took me a long time to be kind to myself, to recognize that my reaction was about survival, that it wasn't just... weak, to be broken. I hated how deeply and completely I was changed by someone else's cruelty. Sometimes I still struggle with that, feeling like I'm just something someone else made.
īŧ sasuke, he knows, will understand that sentiment better than most. īŧ
My response to that trauma was to reach for control with both hands and hold it. Surrendering that is... fucking hard. It's actually easier for me with strangers — it's not like I seek it out, but if I'm teaching or something — because submission is no longer a natural state for me, but they don't know that, so I can come at it from the angle of being what's needed in the moment. But with people who've seen me, who know me... it's harder to relax because the fear that surrendering that control is going to get them hurt is always, always there.
īŧ fear has informed so much of his life for so long, a constant low-grade feverbright burn in the back of his mind. he's not sure who he'd be if he were to wake up one day and find it excised. īŧ
It's not about being vulnerable. I'd give that part of myself to you without hesitation, you know? But it makes the fear louder. Having control is what quiets it, because I get to tell myself never again.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 04:03 am (UTC)Every time he hears about who Cy used to be and compares it to who he is now, it deepens that channel of affection, of understanding and respect. And the ache of sadness, of course, that is always there.]
If you want to do it with me, [the words spill out of his mouth like an errant sigh,] I'll take care of you. I promise.
[He picks his head up to look at Cy, wanting eye contact â evidence for how important he feels this is to communicate.]
I don't mean right now, but someday in the future. It's okay if you're afraid. I am too.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 04:19 am (UTC)īŧ he lets sasuke peel himself back enough to make eye contact, and it's returned with unflinching steadiness and a slight smile. one hand lifts, and is set against sasuke's cheek. īŧ
But in terms of submission, it wouldn't really be about me. It's not something I'm into for its own sake, or something that I'd get psychological or physical pleasure out of. If you want to try your hand at being dominant, I'd help you and it wouldn't cost me anything or take anything from me — I need you to understand I wouldn't agree to it against my will — but it'd be because you wanted it, that's what would make it special and worthwhile to me. What would bring me pleasure and pride would be seeing you be confident and self-assured and happy, practicing the things you've learned from me. Even if the fear is there.
īŧ his thumb worries at the jut of sasuke's cheekbone, and then hooks behind his jaw to tug him down for another kiss, this one pressed softly against his forehead. īŧ
Honestly, watching you step outside of all that fucking — oppressive cultural shame and fear and uncertainty just to stand with me on equal ground has been pretty near the single best act of service anyone's ever given me. You need to know that, too.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-05 04:40 am (UTC)Sasuke shudders, that touch reeling him down into a kiss. He lets it wipe his mind clean and clear.]
I don't struggle with those things when I'm with you. [Cy gives him the space and security to leave everything that has ever hurt him at the door.] But I can't say that... if I went back, they wouldn't return to me. It might be difficult.
[Would he simply pretend that he has not been irrevocably changed by this man in order to function in his own world? He doesn't know.]
I'm interested in what you said, but â nothing so intense as what we've tried, if that makes sense. I don't know that I want to dominate you in the same way as you've done to me. Can we begin more simply?
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Date: 2024-03-05 05:02 am (UTC)Of course. There's a few things we could try — guessing you don't want to jump right into just dicking me down, yeah? — but something like intercrural is a good kinda intermediary step. Uh, it's — here, easiest to show you. īŧ excuse him while he just. manhandles you, actually?? cy pitches them both onto their sides, and nudges and prods sasuke until they're in a subtle parenthesis of positions, nested together in a curve of warm skin. they've had enough downtime, and his dick is basically a dousing rod when it comes to remote proximity to sasuke that it's easy to get himself half hard again with a few quick strokes — and then he pushes his cock between sasuke's thighs, and leans in to press a messy, open-mouthed kiss against his shoulder. īŧ
The harder you clench your thighs together, the better it feels. Not quite penetration, but it lets you get used to the way you need to move into it. īŧ there's a demonstrative flex of his hips, and a slow forward plunge of his cock. it's a little less comfortable without lube, but he's not really seeking any sort of gratification from it, only teaching. īŧ We could try it like this, or I could kinda sit sidesaddle in your lap.
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From:we were overdue a freakout i guess
From:this is so tame for an uchiha freakout he hasn't tried to sew bits of cy to his tiddy yet
From:i mean. i guess i can put that on the list.
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From:cw: rape-play mention
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