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[hallowing]

@torontonian

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[hallowing]

Shh, shh. It's okay. I've got you.

（ his voice is pitched low, soft and soothing even as his hand continues stroking at sasuke's hair, working snarls out of the silken strands. ）

Just breathe with me, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere.

[chokuto]

[He clings harder, sinking into the warm strength of Cy's chest, rubbing his head against those fingers where they stroke through hair.]

How do we know that? I could wake up tomorrow and you'll be... gone.

[Another sharp inhalation, like he just can't — get enough air into his lungs.]

I had a nightmare.

[hallowing]

You wanna tell me about it?

（ maybe it's not the best idea to discuss it now, when sasuke's mind is cracked open by the suit. but — it's hard to pick and choose your battles. sometimes the moment isn't right, but the discussion needs to happen anyway. ）

[chokuto]

It was that. You left.

[He hates putting it to words, because it somehow makes the fear more real, a monument of weakness in his mind. But for Cy, he tries.]

I was alone. Your room was sealed off, but you weren't... I couldn't even find your statue. [Unaware whether Cy has heard this or not—] You can find the statues of those who have vanished, sometimes, in the food hall. After midnight.

[Now that he's begun speaking, the wound bleeds fresh — a quick and rapid flow of words that trip over one another, ragged, breathless.]

You were completely gone. I had nothing left of you. [He feels the hot burn of tears escape, a ticklish frustration he tries to wipe away with his right hand.] I didn't know what to do. It was like — when Naruto was gone from that other dimension, but worse. I thought I would never see you again.

[At least he and Naruto share the commonality of a dimension. But if Cy slips away from him — how could Sasuke ever get him back?]

If you decided to be away from me, I could stand that. It would be a choice. [It would destroy him in another way, but he would survive heartbreak of that kind.] At least you would still exist here. But what if there isn't a choice? It's not fair.

[hallowing]

( he listens. quiet, and steady. breathing deep because he knows the rhythm will be helpful and settling to sasuke. then, gently, he peels him away from his shoulder to look him in the eyes. )

Sasuke, you will never have nothing left of me. If that does ever happen... you will have the time we've shared, the things we've done, the love we've grown. You might hate it, it might hurt — but loss is part of life. Some people say grief is what love leaves behind. But loving someone means accepting that one day you might lose them. In some cases, that you will. But what I know about you, and what I know about me is that I wouldn't want you to suffer losing me forever, and you wouldn't want me to worry about you in that way. You are stronger than you know, sweetheart. You'd find that strength, and be my good boy, and live. But it would suck at first, and you'd hurt, and it would dig up a thousand old traumas for you, and you'd lash out at all the people around you for a while. And that's okay too.

[chokuto]

[He doesn't want grief. He's sick of grief. Perhaps it is the suit putting these thoughts into his mind, or perhaps it is only warping the foundation of what already lives there — this desperation in the face of loss. It hasn't even happened; he doesn't know what they might face in the future, but imagining it as something possible and tangible is enough to hurt so deeply it feels real.

As Cy speaks to him, he cries. He doesn't avoid eye contact, but the blur of tears makes it difficult to look for long, to see clearly when he's shaking his head over and over.]

It's not fair. [Like a pathetic child's refrain.] I don't want that.

[If it's anything like how Itachi's death has left such an irrevocable impression on him — he doesn't know if he really will survive it a second time.]

Then you would be alone again, too.

[hallowing]

（ he tugs sasuke in and presses another kiss to his forehead, and then just leans against him, letting their breath mingle. ）

No, it's not fair.

（ not for someone like sasuke, who's been alone more of his life now than not. cy is — indifferent to his own isolation, and explaining that he prefers it, that he has to force himself to reach out, to build connections, to exist in this universe as something close to human is an effort wouldn't help in the moment.

he just nudges at the boy gently, a little butt of his head. ）

Good or bad, the future comes no matter what you want, or hope for, or try to build with your hands. So just stay with me in the moment, instead. Where we can have a love people can barely imagine, and a peace that could shake the foundation of a world. Where we can just be, and live, and have each other as long as we can.

[chokuto]

Sorry.

[A reflexive apology, thoughts tumbling against Cy's words — he needs to be stronger, he needs to be better. He still doesn't truly believe now will be enough for him, but he closes his mouth against that confession, knowing it comes from a deep, sore place of hurt exacerbated by the suit's influence over him. And perhaps he shouldn't tell Cy at all. Would it make him seem desperate? Too wanting for more, and ungrateful for the present?

Will Cy decide he is too much? Not enough, for failing where this greater maturity is necessary? It feels like a wound that won't heal, remaining still stubbornly inflamed.]

I told you I'm not thinking clearly right now. [He puts his head down on Cy's shoulder, willing the tears to abate.] It'll pass.

[hallowing]

That isn't something you need to apologize for.

( it's said in a soft murmur as he lifts a hand to cradle the back of sasuke's neck. )

I appreciate that you feel safe enough with me to discuss it anyways.

[chokuto]

[A sigh, guilt nagging at him even as he does his best to reason against the irrational thoughts.]

I always feel safe with you. [Long legs tighten around Cy's waist.] Thank you for coming to find me.

[hallowing]

I will always come for you.

（ his arms tighten, and he bumps his head against sasuke's very gently. ）

Even if we do end up being separated. You have my word.

[chokuto]

[He's only just managed to recover from the worst rush of emotionality — those words bring it back, threatening another wave of tears, barely swallowed back when his head lifts to nudge in closer.]

I believe you.

[His right hand searches for one of Cy's, fingers curling.]

You would really teach me how to dance?

[hallowing]

I'd teach you anything I know that you want to learn.

（ sasuke does not have to search long, he makes it easy, fingers briefly circling in a bracelet around sasuke's wrist before he braids their fingers together and kisses sasuke's knuckles. ）

Any part of me is yours for the asking.

（ except one. ）

[chokuto]

[The implication, he senses. Not Kulo Vayn. They haven't spoken on the subject much since the initial truth and history was unearthed, and Sasuke has come to know enough to see when Cy prefers to handle it alone — the curse a few months ago, in particular, remains bright in his mind. He hasn't forgotten the sight of Cy underwater; the rigid, uncompromising way Cy had pushed back on his concern in the moment. You can. I can't.

Sasuke leans, gently seeking a kiss.]

What would you teach me first? About dancing.

[hallowing]

（ that kiss is given without hesitation or protest, letting it stay chaste and sweet. then he shifts their hands to the sort of pose one might hold for a waltz, the touch a gentle cradle between them. ）

How to let go. Inhabit the music. Let it move you. You step into it, and it sings along your bones. You just have to be open to it.

[chokuto]

[He's pliant to the change of handhold, however apprehensive to the rest, brow a furrowed line.]

Then you'll have to show me. I've never found myself affected much by... music. But it would be different with you.

[It always is. He tugs on their braided fingers, pulling Cy's arm down and around himself.]

What have you been doing these past few days? Were you with anyone else?

[hallowing]

I'll write a song just for you. That way you have to like it.

（ that's said playfully, as he rubs their noses together in a cheerful little gesture of affection. ）

And no. I was mostly just looking for you and avoiding other people. I'm kinda tired of the Horny Getaway Bullshit, like — Christ, we get the gimmick, give us a break.

[chokuto]

That's a promise, then.

[A song just for him — there's no denying the rush of warmth inspired, further settling the sharp edge of paranoia and negativity from the suit.]

Yes. It feels as though no matter what happens, nothing changes in this place... yet it continues forever. [To say nothing of those guests who have been present here for centuries.] What would you write? In my song.

[Sasuke shifts again, this time pulling out of Cy's lap in order to recline on the cushioned bench — then tugging Cy after him, fatigue quick to fill the gaps left by panic and imagined grief.]

[hallowing]

（ he sprawls out alongside him, taking up a broad swath of space and grateful for the fact that these stupid curved benches at least seemed to have taken canoodling into design consideration. he ends up with his head cushioned against sasuke's shoulder, and makes a thoughtful hum of sound. ）

I don't know yet. But I'd probably write it in Chiskikani. Always been my favourite language to put to music. And it's got some interesting words that don't translate well into Japanese.

（ a bit of a laugh. then: ）

'Istibriethalaso'. 'One who walks with night'.

[chokuto]

It's poetic.

[The lyrical quality to Chiskikani words can't be denied, and he tries to commit this one to memory — one who walks with night. Suitable, for someone like him who endeavored so desperately to live in the darkness.]

Isti... brietha—laso. [A careful, halting attempt to mimic Cy's speech.] I'd like to learn more of your language, if you permit it.

[With Cy's head on his left shoulder, his right arm is free to wrap around the man, one leg slinging over.]

[hallowing]

There's no 'permit'. I'm the only one left who knows it. I'd love it if you learned.

( he makes space, as he always does, and rests one hand over sasuke's heart, feeling the warmth beneath his palm. )

I've been back to Chinoon a couple times since Tak, but... the last time, too much had changed. I had to let it go.

[chokuto]

[That grief of loss — it comes from a place of understanding in Cy as well. To have watched a world you once cherished change into something unrecognizable, where everyone you know is gone. It is hard to fathom — but it is no wonder Cy can handle the idea of an inevitable separation.

Sasuke takes in an unsteady breath, leaning to kiss the crown of Cy's head. An echo of all of the affection he has been taught to express.]

Then I'll learn. [Said with determination.] And there will be two people left who know it.

[And we'll teach our children, is the sudden, errant thought in his mind, terrifying because he wants it so much.]

Chiskikani and dancing. Math, French, farming... I have a lot to learn from you.

[hallowing]

( he huffs a laugh and leans up into sasuke's space to press a kiss against his throat. )

Not that I want to undermine your determination the old fashioned way, but is it something you could take from my head?

[chokuto]

[His brow furrows, serious.]

I could. But... doing that while avoiding him, [and there's no need to clarify who him is in this case,] might be difficult. More than simply casting a genjutsu. I'm confident, but I don't know if you would want to risk that. Me, in your head.

[hallowing]

( something shivers across his expression, and he is glad of the fact that their position won't give sasuke the opportunity to see it — he never has much enjoyed what kulo vayn evokes in him. )

I wouldn't suggest it if I thought there was a significant risk. Your safety comes first to me, always. How he's in my head is... complicated, but it shouldn't be something you could stumble into. We can talk about it more specifically if you think that'd help?

( that comment is accompanied by a lift of his hand to cradle sasuke's cheek. )

But I would enjoy teaching you. However it happens.